[VIXX NEO] My Journey To Happiness

Introduction

I must have lived for thousand years. I'm sure, I did. If reincarnation, rebirth, miracles aren't just words and given reality strokes, then I should've lived a hundred lives.

The unknown pain in my heart gives me the reason to believe over my previous statement. Its prolonged. I feel like, all the negative incidents and pains of my past births are bottled into my heart.

I need a surgeon to take out the bottle and free my soul from all the burdens.

I cannot believe my 25 years of life would give me a deep sea of blue, so possibly I had 100 lives.

What makes everything unclear to my mind is; the real fact of my life. I swear, my life isn't abnormal or hell. I have a normal life and normal problems, like every human have.

I've never met any extreme incidents or any negative impacts but, the feeling of being worthless is too painful. Why I cannot be happy for more than few minutes, even though the atmosphere remains favourable?

Ah, the "loneliness", playing it's role bigger. I have people who actually cares about my presence, still I cannot beat my loneliness!

In my early years, I've asked the reason for my situation but instead of help, I've got useless advises. Saint, priest, psychologist, mom or even myself, are the words I can pick as a way to find an answer, from those advises.

Nothing worked. Its a vain.

Once, I met a girl and thought she could be my healer. But, again she's just like one of us. A human. She had her own problems to solve and it sometimes felt pettish.

Then we've got separated for the sake of career and some loose strings in our compatibility. "Everything happens for a reason and the reason is good" I said to myself and moved on.

I started my journey out of school and concentrated on what gives me satisfaction, music is the only answer. I've found myself being attracted to singing and undergone training for two years and more.

One day luck knocked my door and I've got a golden opportunity to give life to my dreams. Even though rejections tried to block my path, I used them as lowered walls, enough for a jump.

Since, I've been busy finding my happiness, these rejections couldn't stay long in my mind to kill my hopes. Now I'm a celebrity.

Throughout this 25 years of journey, I've realised that loving or caring or even dying for someone isn't harder than giving your full support. Standing out for someone is the hardest part of trust.

So, I started forgiving people to forget their mistakes. It's much easier than reacting to it. I have a calm nature but facts like these, never gave me a chance to open my mind easily, to anyone.

Instead, I started listening to people because you can do any impossible thing as a help, but concentrating on someone's words especially when they try to open their hearts, revealing their sorrows, is one of the hardest thing to do.

I've stopped blaming and started listening, doing all the things that I've once needed from others.

By the way, I'm Jung Taekwoon aka Leo, from VIXX. I was happy when I was given a stage name "Leo", felt like I was reborn, reminded me of a lion, but my members and all the crew of my company started calling me as "Lay-Oh" which lacked sense. I was pissed.

But, when my starlights called me "Lay-Oh" for the first time, I liked the way it came. Even foreign fans called me, like that. Now, I'm happy for whatever I've given, a blessing.

I am blessed with 5 brothers, who aren't just a part of my career, they are my family. I'm really happy to be a part of VIXX. I'm learning alot from my members.

About Ken, I get the feel that we're the same but using opposite techniques to hide our actual emotions. Ken always tries to make others happy but I swear he is searching for happiness, like I do.

About Hongbin, everyone calls him "WorkOfArt" but I'd like to describe him as "SmilingAngel". He looks like a man with 100 reasons to smile and his smile is contagious. But he has got deep thoughts.

About Ravi, he's sincere and well obsessed with music. His rap sometimes leaves me breathless. I love the way his brain works and sometimes it leaves me in awe, after reading his lyrics.

Ah about the maknae Hyuk, he's still playful but I must say his voice has got a soul. When you listen to his signing, you can feel the liveliness in it. It's very rare. He must be blessed!

At the last, is our Leader N. He has to go through humiliating situations just because of his dark skin. Which is pointless! Ridiculous! He looks damn amazing with that skin and nothing is greater than his talents.

He may act like a kid but I know he's matured enough to ease someone's soul. I love how he stays positive, in every situation and I want to learn that from him.

My journey of finding happiness starts from here, a friend, a lover, a teacher or even a stranger; I cannot predict but I know I'll find a person who will teach me how to remove the uneasiness of my heart.

I want to learn how to relieve my heart from these petty things and to recover easily every time, life would put me into the same box.