Babysitter | Calum Hood

11

Crushes are terrible and I have no idea why they exist. You should only be able to begin falling in love with your soul mate. What's the point of getting your heart broken by four previous people before finally meeting the guy you love? I just don't understand.

The fact that my infatuation with Calum is replaced by disappointment and sadness is bothering me to the extent. I wish I was angrier, more infuriated with him. It's better then just staring at him with sad eyes and a broken heart.

Seeing him with Delia is absolutely painful. It hurts to watch but I can't break my stare whenever they're kissing in the hallways. They seem to be so happy when they're together. Of course I want him to be happy, but I wanted him to be happy when he's with me. He's making my mind and my heart go at war and sadly, my brain is winning. My heart is constantly telling me to keep going, yet my mind's insecurities are preventing me. I can't just go up to Calum and confess my feelings that I think I've identified.

Ashton has been trying to comfort me, thinking this is his fault entirely. He was mumbling his apologies earlier today and I haven't felt that guilty in a while. He said sorry for being such a nerd because then Calum wouldn't have bullied him and I wouldn't have stood up for him. But it was my choice to associate myself with Calum and take the job as Ryder's babysitter. I hugged Ashton, telling him that it wasn't his fault, and walked away to get to the roof. I didn't eat lunch. I was thinking too much.

Luke has been around me a lot these past couple days. He's tried to cheer me up with singing off-key to some dumb tunes and it worked a little bit until I caught Calum kissing Delia against the lockers, my locker. I didn't know if it was intentional, but I didn't stop at my locker because I didn't want to ask them to move. So I showed up in Calculus without my textbook.

Lindsay has been telling me to confess my feelings to Calum. After telling everyone that I still do not have feelings towards him, no one choses to believe me. Not even Luke and I've known him for a week. Lindsay bought me my favorite cookies every morning at the bakery across the street from the school to make me cheerier, but I wasn't myself still. Everyone has been telling me I haven't been cracking my idiotic jokes or ranting about Liam Payne since I found out about Calum and Delia. Ashton, Lindsay and Luke are all blaming Calum, but I've been blaming myself for not being good enough.

In anatomy class, I could hear Delia and Calum laughing behind Ashton and I's back. Ashton would comfortingly put his arm around my shoulders and it felt like I couldn't hear them making anymore noise. Maybe they weren't making anymore noise, but I wasn't positive as to why.

Present day anatomy class was complete hell. It was the day where Mrs. Wilkinson was out due to the common cold, so she left the substitute with a two hour slide show. Well, it felt like a two hour slide show. Everyone was screwing around and disobeying the teacher, and it was ticking me off. Some kid continuously kept throwing paper balls at my back and I was about to take my chair and hurl it at the kid's face. Before I could do that, I heard Calum's voice telling the kid to stop. The guy obviously listened and I groaned.

If Calum hated me, maybe getting over him would be easier. If he was an asshole, I'd have a reason to get over these petty feelings. But he wasn't the asshole, despite what others were telling me. It was all my fault for not taking the chance when I had the opportunity. It has become a habit - unintentionally thinking about Calum. Whilst I was scrolling through tumblr, it said that it took 21 days to get rid of a habit. But it's only been a week, and Calum is still invading my thoughts.

The slide show about blood vessels seemed to drag on for ten years. I leaned my head onto Ashton's shoulder, mumbling about how I might fall asleep. He nodded. As my eyes were about to close fully, the substitute screamed, "Ms. Hills!" I jolted awake and ended up on the tiled floor with everyone's laughter filling my ears. Ashton helps me up quickly and I bury my face into my hands once my body was back on the chair. I could see the substitute smirk, satisfied with my humiliation.

I looked around the classroom quickly to see if anyone was still laughing at my fall. My eyes accidentally land on Calum who seemed to be staring at me before I even got a good look at him. The ten seconds if awkward eye contact made me cringe. He smiled brightly at me and I would've smiled back, but then I remembered how much sadness he put me through when I saw Delia sitting next to him. So, I frowned at him and turned back around to face the front of the classroom.

The bell rang loudly. I swung my backpack over my shoulder and scurried out, not wanting to talk to Ashton nor Calum. After rushing to my locker and shoving a ton of books into my backpack, it was unexpectedly slammed shut. My eyes widened when they met Calum's brown ones. He opened his mouth to speak, but I tried to turn around spastically and run off. He only gripped my forearm and spun me around so I was even closer to him.

"What's wrong? Are you mad at me or something?" he asked, his face still only centimeters from mine. I exhaled breathily and shook my head. I wouldn't admit to him that he's the reason why I haven't been myself for the past week. "You're lying."

"You're not in my brain how would you know?"

"You talked to me," he smiled widely, loosening his grip on my forearm. I tilt my head to the side slightly in confusion. "Don't think I haven't noticed you avoiding me this past week. I don't know why, but you were. Just tell me what I did wrong, Princess, and I promise to fix it."

"Because you're an asshole," I blurted. It unintentionally slipped out and I almost pissed myself because that is not what I wanted to say. I wanted to slap myself for being an idiot.

"I'm the asshole?" he scoffed, starting to glare at me.

"Um, yeah?"

"Bullshit," he snarled.

"I find you absolutely revolting so please leave me alone," I muttered. This is all lies. What am I doing?

"You don't mean that," he mumbled sadly, staring into my eyes, trying to depict my emotions. I tried my best to keep my face blank.

"I do. I really do. So, please do not speak to me unless it is about Ryder. Please do not call me Princess because that is not my name. Please just stay away because I do not want you in my life," I stated before scurrying away to go cry into a pillow.

My heart was breaking from my own words. I longed for him to chase after me like they do in the movies and stories, but things like that don't happen in real life. Boys can't read your mind and they'll keep their distance. My heart was slowly breaking into a thousand pieces, yet I knew it wasn't Calum's fault; it was mine for being so damn stupid.

**

i should try to make these chapters longer but idk if you guys would like that so why dont you just tell me by commenting and maybe ill make them longer idk

im sorry for being such a shit writer but i think im getting better

thoughts on the way kendall views the situation?

thought on kendall telling calum to stay out of her life?

dont forget to vote + comment and you can dm no matter what :) xx