Jill's POV
5 months later / Winter
It's been 5 months now, since I was yours and you were mine. I'm 16 now. I have a car. I have a broken heart.
But you are 16 too. You also have a car. You are 'in love' with Samantha.
I spent the first month pretending I was happy and that I was free. I was so good at faking it that I almost believed it myself. It was that scary.
The second month flew by, I was hanging out with friends and new boys, even girls, but when the month came to an end, so did the false happiness. I realized I was just getting used so people could get to Hayes. I didn't want that.
Month number three was rough. Oh god. I couldn't stop writing about you. I couldn't stop crying. I found myself bringing you up in the lost random situations. The ache of you used to be mine was overwhelming. I did everything I could to erase my feelings from you. Nothing worked.
The fourth month rolled around and I spent most of my time alone. I was reflecting on our whole relationship. I realized I gave up too soon. I sat in my room, filled with remorse and guilt, I was also in shock. I honestly can't believe I gave up the one person that made me happy. I can't believe I did that.
Now it's month number five. I don't talk about you anymore, I don't bring you up anymore. I keep you buried in the back of my mind and at the bottom of my chest. That being said though, I still think of you every goddamn day. I'm still completely heartbroken. Complete and utterly heartbroken. To the point where I can't feel my heart. I gave up on the one person who would of never gave up on me. It will and always be my biggest regret.
-
"You need to eat," Elizabeth says, putting a plate right in front of me.
"I already ate though." I say.
And it's true, I eat. Just not as much as I used to.. I have never been hungry.
"You're lying," Elizabeth says.
"No," I say.
She sighs and leaves. Sooner or later, a knock is at the door. If it's Elizabeth, than why didn't she just enter? She didn't have to knock.
I turn my attention.
"Hi,"
"Hayes," I say, taking a deep breath.
"Can I come in?" He asks.
"Shouldn't you be with Samantha?"
"Just because she is my girlfriend, doesn't mean I have to be with her every second of the day." Hayes says, standing by my doorway.
I nod, "Come in."
He sits by me on my bed with his hands in his lap. This was just like 5 months ago when he said he didn't love me anymore. It made my throat tighten and I feel like I was going to cry any second.
"Why haven't you eating?" Hayes asks, whispering.
"I am," I state.
"Bullshit, Jill! I know you are eating but not enough that is supposed to be going in your body!"
I shrug, "Guess I haven't been hungry."
Hayes puts his head in his hands like he is the one about to cry.
"Why are you crying?" I ask, confused.
"Are we friends? If not, can we at least stay friends?" Hayes asks me, looking up.
His words make me pause and my breathe catches. Can I? Can I except that his lips will only graze over my cheek and his kisses won't trace around my lips like they used to do. Can I keep my mouth shut when she buys him a shirt that's the color of the setting sun but you know his favorite color is shade of blue of the sea when it's calm? Can I live with the fact when she breaks his heart, he will be running to me but I will never have the power to mend it? Can I listen to him talking about his wildest dreams for the future and know that I only play a sideline of his crazy adventures? Can I watch him live a life you dreamed having with him with someone else by his side? Really, honestly, can I?
