Not Crazy. {Book 1}

Chapter 47

JJ's Pov:

"Loving can heal, Loving can mend your soul and it's the only thing that I know." -Ed Sheeran

"How are you feeling?" Reid's voice asked softly as him and everyone else entered the room all at once.

"That's the million dollar question isn't it?" I asked my voice sounding like nails against a chalk board.

They all stayed silent staring at me.

"That was a joke." I said pointing it out.

"JJ-"

"I'm fine." I mumbled cutting Garcia off.

"If you want to talk about i-"

"I don't want to talk about any of it. Really."

Morgan nodded and shut his mouth, giving Rossi a look.

"Maybe we could try to-"

"So how's Emily doing?" I asked changing the subject off from me.
"I mean did they...were they able to help her out?"

"She-well-she remembers Hotch." Blake said, making me look over at him surprised.

"Really? That's great! What about the rest of us?" I asked excitement in my voice.

He shook his head and took a deep breath.

"She thought I was dead, that's what they told her. She's been told they all of you were the enemies, I'm not exactly sure who she remembers and who she doesn't."

"Well actually we can mark me down as someone she doesn't." Blake commented raising her hand causally, through her folded arms.

"I should've tried to help her in there, I mean, I could've."

"There's no possible way you could've done that Jennifer. We saw they had you tied up, and you couldn't have known what they were doing to her, it not like they let the two of you ever talk or be near each other." Spencer said making me smile a little, actually only on the inside.

I didn't want to smile in front of all of them.

They didn't believe me in the first place so why on earth should I show them forgiveness? Or my happiness?

"You know what? I have a really bad headache and I think I should really get some more rest." I said after a long amount of awkward silence.

"Okay..?" Garcia said answering for everyone, after a lot of goodbyes, I watched as almost everyone left the room.

"Spence?" I called, he stopped walking and turned around to face me confused.
"Can you stay?" I asked knowing we needed to talk.

I needed to talk.

He nodded and got weird looks from everyone else, but he shrugged them off and shut the door behind him as he looked at me waiting for me to speak first.

"So how are you really doing?" He asked after giving up on me to talk.

"I'm-I don't know. I'm not okay, like sure my body is okay, I'm alive, but that doesn't mean I'm okay. I'm anything but okay. I'm anything but fine, or doing better because I'm honestly tired and weak, violated, drugged and exhausted."

He stayed quiet thinking of a way to answer.

"You should rest. We can talk about us later. You really do need your sleep." He said concerned.

"No. I'm fine I can stay awake long enough for us to have this talk, we need to talk, I really want to have this talk Spence."

"I know you do. I want to too but we should wait until your more awake and not on as many drugs and pain killers. Okay?"

After a while I nodded agreeing with him.

"Okay, goodnight JJ." He said turning away.

"Where are you going?" I asked panicked.

"Don't worry I'll be right outside if you need an-"

"Can you stay in here with me?" I asked with pleading eyes, looking at him and at the couch that was near my bed, then right back at him again.

"Are you sure? Because I honestly can wait outside."

"And I honestly want you to be in here with me-please. I need you here with me otherwise I can't sleep, everything will come bak to me and I don't think that I can handle thinki-" I breathed heavily starting to have a panic attach with tears coming to my eyes

"Okay, okay calm down I'll stay here. It's okay." He said calming me down, as he practically ran over and held my hand gently calming me down with the warmth of his skin.

"Thank you." I said with a small smile once I managed to control my breathing, he nodded and stayed silent waiting for me to fall asleep-still holding my hand.

Soon my eyelids felt like heavy weights and fell shut.