I know you don't love me sometimes and people don't love you sometimes too but just know that your beautiful. We have come a long ways from people pushing us down with not so kind words and I want you to know that even though it's tough to love yourself because of it, I want you to keep trying.
skinny
fat
ugly
gorilla
retarded
blonde
stupid
on drugs
mental
the devil
fat
fat
fat
fat
short
stalker
taba
maarte
emotional
dumb
Can't talk right
Can't walk right
Can't eat right
gay
fake
etc etc
You have been called so many things that are wrong but you have to remember the things that are right
Beautiful
pretty
cute
confident
loving
caring
trustworthy
nice
funny
etc
etc
Do you remember that letter you wrote to yourself when you were lost? I want you to reread that letter and know who you still are. I know you lost your way a couple of times but that doesn't mean you are lost for good. The way your hair isn't perfect, the way you are disproportionate, each scar on your body, each stretch mark, each birth mark, your small hands and feet, your small calves to your small ears, your big stomach to your big arms, you should know all that makes you, who you are. Your eyes hold so much sadness... your eyes used to be so bright. Your face is filled with each emotion that trickles from inside you and I just ask you why? Why do you hurt again and again when you could be living over and over with new purpose, new hope, new everything. You are brave and strong enough to keep living even after everything you have been through but you need to keep thinking positive. Keep thinking happy thoughts. You may think your not loved time to time but you are loved by many my dear. You may think no one cares but there is someone who always cares. You may think that no one will pick you up when your falling but someone will be there to catch you after you fall. Well even after you have fell too many times and you stopped yourself from hitting the ground.
Rejection hurts but don't let that stop you from searching. Heart break kills but don't let that stop you from breathing. You are not worthless. Your dad may be gone and your mom gave you away and your other mom may have physically and mentally attacked you but you are okay. Well half okay right? You know those scars won't heal but you are doing a good job at letting time heal them. They may not ever go away but you seem to have faith that one day they will.
You are a good human being and you may feel like everyone doesn't want to even get to know you or you feel ignored sometimes but there is always someone waiting to hear you out.
With all that being said that person may or may not be in your life right now but don't give up hope. One day they will be and I hope one day those thoughts of yours don't drive you off a bridge somewhere. Yes I know all those dark thoughts and how you wish you could things that I'm stopping you from doing but you better not let them drive you. I know you feel numb sometimes.. Like the world is washing away from you. And sometimes all your emotions come crashing down upon you... That's when you seem to drive people away but one day you won't drive someone away. They will stand by you through those hours where you just need someone to hug you.
Affection isn't really our forte when someone gives it you, did you know that? But guess what? There's a reason for that. Your parents weren't affectionate towards you so you try to be affectionate towards others but when they are with you.. you recoil and think of it as strange because.. well your not use to it but it due time you need to because your such a hopeless romantic that it isn't even funny :P You try too hard looking for the perfect one but you need to be making the perfect love. (haha dirty minded e.e) which you know you are, don't lie to yourself :P
Oh and speaking of talking to yourself (which you know, you kinda are right now) you do that a lot and people think your crazy but heck crazy is good. Crazy is the new sane (or at least in your eyes) but anyway yeah you may be crazy for talking to yourself but you been through a lot and mostly you only have yourself to rely on most of your life. You keep adding up stress to yourself and you shouldn't do that.. You have family that loves you even though most don't and you have friends that support you and who are there when you need them at the most. And I know you can't trust some people but at least try to open your heart and try to be free from your sorrows.
Tomorrow is always a new day when you have a bad day. Today is just a day for you to embrace. Oh and stop living in yesterday. Yesterday is gone so you need to keep looking ahead. Which I know you always or almost always do anyway.
You are a smart girl, stop thinking that your not. I know hearing everything is a lot.. and bad news comes after another but you don't have to live in that pain forever... you tried this year to be happy all year long but hey, it's not a big deal if you break down and cry once in awhile. You don't have to be tough. You got through enough. You have so much going for you that you keep over thinking things.
Speaking about over thinking things... you need to stop over thinking about your future.. your aiming so high and trying to prove yourself to everyone when you need to prove yourself to yourself. Guide yourself when no one will guide you. I know your like a lost puppy looking for it's home but who said you weren't already home? Be proud of who you are and where you came from because honey, there is no other you, than you :P
Well i'm going to end this letter to you because it's getting so freaking long O.O
You need to stop talking to yourself so much ;) lol okay
I love you even though no one else does, Okay ? :)
Love yourself :P
