A Place for My Heart

chapter 19

hi, it's Gaby again ! x

I know, it’s kind of short. I’m sorry.

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Rose

Mesut drove us back to his place. The entire ride there I couldn’t stop thinking about Cristiano. About what we had done to ourselves, to Mesut. I didn’t know how to tell Mesut, but I knew I couldn’t keep it from him anymore. He needed to know what a horrible person I am.

When we got inside his house he took me outside, sitting me beside his pool while he went to go get us some wine. I got up and went to go sit with my feet in the pool.

“Are you okay?” He said as he came back, sitting beside me, rolling his pants up to put his feet in the pool as well.

I shrugged. I didn’t know what I was feeling right now. He put his arms around me, my head resting on his shoulder.

“Mesut, you’re perfect.” I sighed.

“Babe,” he made me look up, and then kissed me hard.

“Mesut, I’m slipping!” I said, trying to grab on to him to stop me from falling in the pool. But of course, he let me fall, then burst out laughing as I splashed about.

“I’m going to kill you!” I spluttered, pushing my hair out of my face. He was still laughing like a maniac. I glared at him. “You think this is funny?” I grabbed his hand, pulling him in with me.

He screamed, then laughed as he emerged from the water. He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him, and I wrapped my legs around his hips.

“I love you,” he whispered before he kissed me.

I kissed him back, wrapping my hands around his neck. I didn’t know how to tell him about Cris. If I told him now, I would ruin everything we had. And what we had was perfect.

He moaned as I bit his bottom lip, running his hands up my legs. He moved his kisses to my neck, kissing me softly as if I were a fragile doll.

“Mesut…” I pulled his head up.

“What’s wrong?” He said.

“I don’t deserve you.” I whispered.

“Where is this coming from?”

“I…I just want to go home Mes.” I said, a tear rolling down my face. How could I have done something so terrible to someone so perfect?

“I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something?”

I shook my head. “No, you’re perfect. That’s the problem.”

“What?”

“I’m not perfect.” I whispered. “I do awful things to people. Everything I touch I ruin.”

“Rose, what’s going on? A moment ago we were fine.”

“I…I just don’t want to ruin this Mesut.”

He took put his hands on either side of my face. “Listen to me. I love you. I love everything about you. You won’t ruin this.”

“What if I already did?” I choked out.

“Don’t. Don’t talk like this, please. I hate seeing you upset. Let’s go inside?”

I nodded, and he piggy-backed me to his room. I took a shower and wore one of his jerseys, then went to join him in his bed where he was waiting.

“You look so hot in that,” he said as he stroked my hair.

I smiled, then kissed him.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

I nodded. “I just freaked out for a bit. Sorry if I came off possessive Mes, I just always mess things up,”

“What happened with your ex?”

“Why?” I asked cautiously, I hadn’t told him about Mark yet.

“I just want to know what made you so afraid of being in love.”

I sighed. “Mes…I can’t really talk about him. Not yet. I don’t want to.”

He nodded, leaning in to kiss me. I sighed as he ran his hand up my leg, lifting his jersey up. He looked at me and all I saw was lust in his eyes before he kissed me, harder than before, grabbing my hair and pulling me closer by my waist. He groaned as I kissed his neck, then rolled me over so he was on top of me.

“I want you,” he whispered as I wrapped my legs around him. I groaned in reply and he took his shirt off me in one swift motion, throwing it on the floor and grabbing my breasts. He was rough, and he liked to be in control, but he was gentle at the same time. He didn’t want to hurt me. I arched my back as he moved his kisses down my stomach.

My heart dropped when I realised that only hours ago I had been doing the same thing with Cristiano on his bed. Suddenly all I wanted was out of here. I wanted out of Mesut’s bed, and I wanted Cristiano out of my mind.

“Mesut,” I pushed him off me a little, and he stopped his progression down my body.

“What’s wrong?” He said looking up at me through his eyelashes.

“I um… I don’t want to do this.”

He clenched his jaw, then let go of me and got off me.

“Mesut…I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” he said, turning towards me with a little smile. “It’s okay, we can do whatever you want.”

“Mes… I kind of want to go home.”

He looked crestfallen. “No, stay, please. I want you to stay with me. I want to hold you as you fall asleep, I want to wake up next to you Rose.”

I couldn’t say no to him again. I nodded, and he smiled, pulling me into a hug.

Cristiano

I knocked on Rose’s apartment door. It was the morning after my little victory party and I had brought her coffee. I needed to talk to her about how I felt. About how I knew she felt too. We had something, and I needed to make her see it.

“Hey Cris,” Valerie opened the door.

“Hey, is Rose home?” I asked, looking past her to try and see Rose.

“No, actually. I think she spent the night with Mesut.”

She spent the night with Mesut. She spent the night with Mesut after I told her I loved her. She probably made love to him, she probably moaned his name all night. How had I let someone like that go? How could I have been so stupid? Now it’s too late! It’s too late, she’s in love with Mesut. And I’ll never have her. I’ll never have the woman I love.

I wanted to punch someone, I wanted to scream, to cry, to throw my coffee against the wall and bang my head against it until I passed out. Until the pain went away.

“Cris…just let her be.” Valerie said. “She’s happy with Mesut. Please.”

“She told you? About me and her?” I said, fighting back tears.

Valerie nodded. “She loves Mesut, Cris.”

I walked away. I was done with this, I didn’t want to feel this way anymore. I didn’t want to feel like my heart was being ripped out my chest slowly, why should I? She was just some girl, I could have any girl I wanted. What made her so special?

I got to my car, and I almost screamed in frustration. I banged my head against the steering wheel, looking over to the passenger seat where Rose and I had been together. What made her so special? Her amazing smile, her hair, her big heart, the fact that she saw the best in everyone always, she never judged anyone, she was the perfect woman.

And I had let her walk away from me.