A Place for My Heart

chapter 23

Oh god, did I have fun writing this chapter. I’ve been wanting to write Mesut like this since FOREVS. Feedback makes me very very very happy :) Love you all <3

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Rose

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mesut asked me. “Why didn’t you tell me you fucked my teammate?”

“Mesut….” I whispered. I was too late. “I didn’t know how.”

“It was while we were together, wasn’t it?”

I nodded, biting my lip to try and hold back tears.

He groaned, putting his head back in his hands.

“Mesut, I am so, so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, I swear.” I said, pulling at his arm, trying to get him to listen to me.

“How many times?” He asked, his voice dripping with venom.

“What?”

“How many times did you sleep with him?”

“It was one time Mesut. I love you so much,” I said, tears rolling down my cheeks.

Mesut was tugging at his hair in frustration. “Is he good?” He asked, looking up at me. “Did he fuck you good?”

“Mesut, why are you asking me this?” I whispered.

“Answer me.” He stared at me intensely, his eyes widening. “Answer me, Rose.”

“Mesut, don’t do this….”

“Is he bigger than I am?” He said maliciously.

“Mesut, stop.”

He grabbed my shoulders, shaking me. “Answer me.” He yelled.

“Stop,” I whispered.

He leaned his forehead against mine, looking into my eyes, his breathe laboured and tears pooling in his eyes. “You have no idea how much this hurts.” He whimpered.

I put my hands on the sides of his face, running my hands through his hair. “Mesut, I love you.”

“You love him too.” He mimicked me, putting his hands on the back of my head, running his fingers through my hair. I let out a choked sob and he put his arms around me, one hand around my waist and the other on the back of my head. He held me tight, his big arms shielding me from the world.

“I love you,” he whispered in my ear. I could feel warm droplets of water dripping on my shoulder, and rolling down my back. He was still crying, and I hated myself for being the one who made him cry. I hated myself, all I wanted to do was run. Run far away from everyone, away from Mesut, away from Cristiano, and fling myself into a river somewhere. Seeing Mesut like this had broken something inside me. Knowing I had been the one to cause him so much pain made me disgusted with myself.

He pulled away from me, to stare at my face. He looked me in the eyes, then kissed me.

The kiss was strange. I could taste the salt from his tears, and I could feel his passion, his desire. But there was something else. He wanted to prove something to me. He needed to know I was his.

There was nothing more I wanted than to stop hurting him. But I couldn’t give myself to him completely, not now. I realized that I never had. There had always been a small part of me holding back from Mesut. I didn’t know if I was holding out for someone, or just afraid of giving myself so completely to someone that they could hurt me. Mesut wanted reassurance that I was all his, but I couldn’t give it to him. Not now, not when I wasn’t even sure if I even knew who I was anymore.

“Do you love him?” He whispered, eerily calm.

“I don’t know, Mesut!” I threw my hands up in the air. “I don’t know anymore.”

“You do.” He stated, still too calm.

For some reason his calmness made me mad. Didn’t he love me enough to get mad? I knew it was ridiculous and just plain stupid to think like that, but I couldn’t think straight. It was almost as if I was looking for a fight. “Don’t tell me what I feel.” I hissed.

“Does he call you his dirty slut?” He said, his face blank.

“What?”

“Does he? Do you moan his name?”

“Mesut…. Why are you doing this?”

“Tell me you love him. Tell me the truth, Rose.”

I grasped my head in my hands, wanting to tear my hear out in frustration. “I can’t.”

“Did you scream his name as you came?”

“Stop it, Mesut!” I said, shoving him.

He grabbed my arms by my wrists, holding them away from him so I couldn’t hit him. “Not until you tell me the truth.”

I shook my head, trying to pull my arms out of his grasp. He gripped them harder, staring into my eyes with a fierce intensity.

“Please.” He said.

“I love him!” I yelled. “I love Cristiano. Is that what you wanted to hear?” I sobbed.

Mesut nodded slowly, letting go of my hands. I couldn’t be around him anymore, not right now. Not when he was behaving so irrationally. I grabbed my bag and stalked out of his house.

Mesut

Rose walked out, slamming the door behind her.

I fell to the ground on my knees, my head in my hands.  I could feel the hot tears running down my face, and I couldn’t stop them. I was shaking violently, my entire body rattled by sobs.

I couldn’t lose her.

Cristiano

I heard my doorbell ring over my music. I groaned, getting up from the couch to go answer it.

I opened my door to a ragged Rose. Her hair was disheveled, her makeup smeared from the tears running down her face and softly dripping onto her décolletage. She whimpered softly, and I pulled her into my house, holding her as I closed the door.

I picked her up and carried her to the couch, setting her down on it gently. She sobbed, her hands gripping the collar of my shirt in her tiny little fists. I held her tighter, one of my hands stroking her hair and the other gripping her waist.

“I love you,” she whispered into my ear, her breath tickling my neck.

I nodded, burying my face into her neck. She lifted her head up, biting her bottom lip as she surveyed my face. She wiggled closer to me, sitting on my lap.

Then she leaned in and kissed me. My heart twisted, and I had butterflies in my stomach. She gripped the back of my head tightly, pulling on my hair hard. I reciprocated, my tongue invading her mouth as she ground her hips against mine. She bit my bottom lip and I moaned, throwing my head back.

She fell back on the couch, lying down, then pulled at the collar of my shirt to bring me down with her. Her arms wrapped around my neck again, pulling me closer. My hands wandered down to her hip bones, and she arched her back up. I ran my hands up under her shirt, running my thumbs over the sides of her stomach. She groaned in frustration, then pulled her shirt off herself, throwing it on the floor.

I stopped for a second, staring at her in her bra underneath me. She was perfection.

“I can’t do this,” I whispered. “Not when you’re this sad. I don’t want you to wake up and regret this.”

“Cristiano, I love you.” She said simply, then pulled me down again to kiss her.

I couldn’t say no anymore, and I ravished her body with kisses. I got the rest of her clothes off as quickly as I could, moaning as she ran her fingernails down my back. I looked into her eyes as I thrust into her, and watched her moan, biting her lip, running her fingers through her hair to get it out of her face.

I sighed with pleasure, kissing her neck as our bodies moved together.