A Place for My Heart

chapter 29

Wow. I can’t believe I’ve written twenty-nine chapters already. And I can’t believe its almost over. I hope you guys like this chapter! I was kind of depressed while I was writing this, it made me very sad to do this to one of my main babies :( I’ll be starting a new fanfiction soon though! Love you guys, feedback makes me a happy duck <3 <3 -Gaby!xx

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rose

Cristiano drove us home in silence. He barely looked at me the entire ride back to my apartment, his hand tapping impatiently against the steering wheel. I knew that he was waiting for my response to the question he had asked me on the balcony. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to give him what he wanted so badly. But I couldn’t say it. If I said it out loud, it would suddenly become a reality, an absolute truth that I couldn’t change. The pressure of the decision was a boulder, an incredible burden on my shoulders threatening to destroy me at any moment.

He walked me to the door, and I invited him in. I felt as if I was going through all the motions which were required of good hostess. Invite your guest in, over them a seat, offer them a beverage, and offer them food. Continue through the expectations as if nothing was happening between us, continue pretending to be cordial and polite when all I really wanted to do was rip his clothes off him and tell him who I needed.

I was this close to screaming in frustration.

I went straight to my bed, not muttering a single word of explanation to Cristiano. I was too drunk to have any semblance of a real conversation with him. Anything I said now would just be taken very much out of context, and my head was throbbing anyway. I needed sleep.

—

I woke up a few hours later, lying spread-eagle on my bed and my hair sprawled out all over my arms. I groaned as I sat up, giving myself a good minute to get over the sudden onset of dizziness and nausea. I went to go take a shower, but looking in the mirror all I saw was a giant mess. My hair was in all kinds of knots, I had no idea how I was ever going to brush it again. My makeup was smeared all over my face, my fake eyelashes somehow stuck to my cheeks, and my eyes were the worst. They were puffy and red and I looked as if I were a high zombie.

I decided to skip brushing my hair and removing my makeup and stepping right into the shower. I soaked in the warm water until I was suddenly hit with nausea again. This time I threw up all over the pale tiled floor of the shower, bending over and heaving until I was shaking.

I stayed in there for some time, trying to make sense of the mess that had become my hair. In the end I gave up, and stepped out of the shower and into a cloud of steam. I put on some clean pyjamas and went to the kitchen. I passed Val’s room on the way and decided to look inside really quickly to check if she was awake. I felt bad for not telling her where I had been but there had simply been no time, between Mark and Cris both trying to ‘save’ me.

I opened her door slightly to see her lying next to a very shirtless and snoring Sergio. I grimaced and closed the door quickly, walking quietly to the kitchen. I was about to make myself some really quick instant coffee. I hated the taste of it, but I needed my caffeine fix much as soon as possible.

“Good morning.” I heard behind me.

I almost broke my cup in surprise. “Cris…what are you doing here?” I turned around.

“I stayed over. I was worried about you.”

“What? Where did you sleep?”

“On the couch.” He gestured to the living room.

“Cris, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I had to make sure you were okay.”

I led him to the sofa and sat down next to him with my coffee.

“Cris….” I said down next to him on my sofa, attempting to hold his hand. He sat there stiff, with perfect posture, facing straight ahead like some model.

“Cris, look at me. Please.” I tried again.

He turned to face me. “Tell me. Please. Answer my question, I cannot do this anymore.”

“I… I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to hurt anyone.”

He nodded, anguish written all over his face. He was jumping to conclusions, which was something I never wanted. I knew he would jump to the wrong conclusions. I needed to tell him, I needed to tell him now.

Why couldn’t I say it?

“Do you remember what a mess I was when you first met me?” I said.

He nodded, holding my hand tighter.

“I’m worse now.” I whispered, barely audible. “Why did you save me? It started out as an incredible act of kindness, Cris. How did everything balloon so exponentially into this mess?”

“Rose -“

I stopped him mid-sentence, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him towards me. I didn’t want to talk anymore; I didn’t want to listen anymore. I had had enough. All I wanted to do was kiss him without my thoughts being tainted by other people, without that nagging voice in the back of my head constantly telling me about how I had wronged Mesut.

I threw myself at him, wrapping my legs around his waist and sitting on his lap. I pulled on his hair harder as he bit my lip, nothing else in the kiss except for raw passion. He grabbed every inch of my body, his rough, calloused thumbs leaving my body aching for more.

I was certain now. I had never been surer of anything in my life. There was a part of me that had always known, but I had refused to accept it. For fear of hurting Mesut, but more for fear of hurting myself. I had been selfish, afraid to give myself completely to someone, scared that they would leave me with nothing.

“Cris,” I gasped, pulling away, but not for long. He drew me back into the kiss, the smell of his cologne like a magnet that I couldn’t repel. He was home. He was safety, every nook and crevice of his body seemed to fit perfectly with mine. He was exactly where I belonged.

“Cris, I need to tell you something.” I pushed his face back, holding it there.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, fear written all over his face.

“It’s you.” I looked him straight on, staring into his eyes. “It’s always been you. I love you, Cristiano.”

His entire body seemed to loosen up, his tense shoulders lowering, his frown disappeared and his smile lines reappeared as he grinned at me.

“And I love you, Rose.”