Union J Preferences [from tumblr]

Preference #34: You Have Schizophrenia.

George:
You’re preparing for a night out with George, who is supposed to be picking you up in a few minutes. You’re putting on lip gloss in the hall, when you see that familiar silhouette  in the mirror. He’s standing behind you with an evil grin on his face. Your heart stops beating for a second as you watch your old ‘friend’. His presence is a part of your illness but you haven’t seen him in while, thus let yourself think you’re successfully getting over it. “Hello (Y/N)” he greets you. You squeeze your eyes shut and chant “You’re not here, you’re not here…” “Oh I am here. You see me, don’t you?” “You’re just in my mind.” “Maybe…” he whispers as he’s getting closer to you. “But no matter what I do it’s still perfectly real for you.” You turn around, hoping he’ll disappear but he’s still coming closer. “It’s been a while since we last met, I see you’re going out tonight. Shouldn’t you hide in your room? Spare the world from your crazy mind?” “I’m not crazy.” “Is that so? Then take a look in that mirror again.” You turn around and see no one but yourself there. “See? You’re talking to yourself, love.” You know he’s still there though as you feel him lean close to you, cheeks almost touching as he screams into your ear. “You’re crazy! A crazy creature, look at yourself!” Your reflection in the mirror changes as he scolds you, turning into a freak, the thing he calls you. You slide down against the wall with your eyes squeezed close, tears running down your face as you hug your knees close and place your hands on your ears. He doesn’t stop though. He keeps calling you bad names, keeps laughing at you. “Stop it!” you scream when you can’t take it anymore. “Y/N?” An other, soft and familiar voice hits your ear. You don’t dare looking up even though you know it’s George. “Love what’s wrong? Please talk to me, you’re scaring me.” He kneels beside you, trying to pry your hands away from your ears. “No, no please don’t. I don’t want to hear him. “Hear who?” “Him!” You lift your hand to point to the place you last saw your monster. “Y/N no one’s there.” You look up and see him stand there, beside George, who’s more worried than ever. “No, he’s right behind you. Please make him go away.” He doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know what’s happening to you, so he just pulls you close and lets you sob into his shoulder. “Hey, shh it’s alright. I’m the only one here Y/N. What’s happening to you?” “I’m not crazy! I swear I’m not crazy!” “I know, shh just calm down.” He carries you into the bedroom and lays you down, soothing you until your sobs die away. “I’m sorry.” “You scared me so much. Are you alright now?” “I am. But there’s something I need to tell you. I…I have schizophrenia. I’ve been having these hallucinations for years.” “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I didn’t want you to think I’m crazy.” “I wouldn’t. You’re not. You’re so brave! And strong! I wouldn’t have the strength to face the world with a smile every day. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. I love you so much!”

Josh:
It’s very sudden this time, you don’t have enough time to separate yourself from Josh. Your vision gets red with anger and you can’t help but fume as he watches you, awaiting your reaction. He’s about to get a reaction from you, but not the one he expects. You can’t help but grit you teeth together. How can he just announce he’ll be gone again like that? Like he doesn’t even care. Like he’s happy to leave you again. He wants to get rid of you. You don’t even notice as your mind turns reality into something else. You don’t notice the teary glance he gives you as his heart aches with the thought of waking up in a cold bed, without the love of his life for another 3 weeks. He doesn’t know what’s going on in your head. He doesn’t know that your mind has turned into your personal hell. His arms open up  and he leans in to hug you but you jump to a stand and hit him. “What the hell Y/N?!” “Do not try to hug me now! Why are you here? Don’t you have a stage to perform on? You’re never here so why now?! Go! Who needs you?!” He stands up and just watches you with his eyes wide, his whole being shocked as you throw everything in your reach to the wall. When you stop and see him stand there, with that stupid blank expression again you get more angry and push him towards the door. “I hate you! I hate being in a relationship with you. It’s not even a relationship. You’re never here! You don’t love me! I bet you have someone else! Get out of my house!” “Y/N, love, what…what are you talking about?” “GET OUT! I never want to see you again!” You shut the door in his pale face and continue hitting everything until your knuckles become too painfully bruised to continue. You bury yourself into the warm cushions of the couch, suddenly exhausted, and fall asleep. A few hours later, when you come back to consciousness, you’re shocked by the view that awaits you. Broken things everywhere, pillows thrown away, your knuckles red and hurt, head pounding. Then it hits you…you hit Josh, you yelled at him and threw him out. You jump to your feet and drive to his place, running to the door you began frantically knocking. “I thought you never wanted to see me again.” He growls. “Please let me explain! You need to forgive me, I didn’t mean it! I’m so terribly sorry!” “Then why did you say those things Y/N?” “I couldn’t help it! I…There’s something I’ve been hiding from you. What you saw this afternoon…it’s a symptom.” “A symptom? Of what?” “Schizophrenia. Sometimes I just get really angry. I can’t help it. I didn’t expect it. I couldn’t warn you. Please don’t hate me. Don’t leave me.” Tears began running down your face by the end of your speech as you looked at him with pleading eyes. “Schizophrenia? Why didn’t you tell me?” “It’s not something I’m proud of, Josh. And people often treat me differently after they hear about this. I don’t want their pity.” “Come here you!” You happily fall into his arms, inhaling Josh’s sweet scent. “Do you forgive me?” “Of course I do. And I promise not to leave you alone with this. Ever.”

JJ:
3:04 AM. That’s what your phone says and you’re still wide awake. JJ’s peacefully sleeping beside you and you don’t have the heart to wake him up. You’ve been trying to fall asleep for 5 hours, but if the failure wouldn’t be enough, for the past hour you’ve been feeling hotter and hotter. It grew very uncomfortable by now, your sheet is already pushed away, your clothes are somewhere on the floor as well but it’s still scorching. You decide to lay down on the cold floor, desperate to feel better but it doesn’t help. 20 minutes later you can’t take it anymore and rush down the stairs to get some ice. You place it on your arms, where you feel the worst but it doesn’t stop. Tears are now pouring down your face as it gets worse and worse until you can’t take it and scream. JJ jumps out of the bed, confused when he spots your clothes on the floor, and rushes down to you, only to get even more confused. “Babe?” You’re a crying mess on the floor, clutching your hand that in JJ’s view is perfectly fine. He kneels down beside you and reaches for your hand, but you don’t let him. “What’s wrong?” “Make it stop, please make it stop!” “Make what stop?” “The fire!” “What fire? Y/N I don’t understand!” “My hand! It’s on fire!” For a minute it crosses his mind that you might be joking. But no. You’re clearly in pain, your body jolts with it, but he doesn’t see anything. The only emotion bigger than his confusion is worry.  You’re suffering and he can’t do anything. He doesn’t know what he could do. Your scream brings him back to reality and he picks you up, running to the bathroom with you. He’s at the verge of crying as he climbs into the shower with you in his hands, he’s freezing under the ice-cold water that runs down his whole body, but he doesn’t mind. He just wants whatever it is that makes you scream so painfully to go away. And after 7 long minutes of hell it does, making you two exhale in relief. He stops the water and dries you both with soft towels, carefully touching your body, afraid that it could break. “You’re feeling better now?” You’re too tired to answer, voice hoarse, throat burning, so you just nod. “Will you tell me what happened?” “Tomorrow.” You whisper as your eyes drop. He nods and carries you back to bed, but he doesn’t dare falling asleep. No. He’s too scared it might happen again. He doesn’t know what it was, but he knows it wasn’t a joke. He’s always been a little too overprotective, you always in his mind, your safety always a priority, but after this night…He never wants you to go through this. Ever. And even though your unconscious now, you know that you’re safe with him, as well as your secret.

Jaymi:
“Can’t you go a few weeks later? I don’t mean to sound rude, but you’re cousin will still be pregnant, but I’m only home for 2 weeks.” “I can’t Jaymi, I have to go. I’m sorry.” It’s come again, the time for another treatment, time for another lie. No matter how long Jaymi and you’ve been together, you couldn’t convince yourself to tell him the truth. You have schizophrenia. Every once in a while you have to go to the hospital for a few days to receive your treatment. It takes many treatment to get better, but you want it. You say goodbye to your boyfriend, feeling guilty, and drive to the hospital. It’s boring there, the days go slowly and you’re dying to call Jaymi, but you can’t. Instead, one day you decide to get a snack from the cafeteria and read a magazine. It so happens to be the day Jaymi decides to be productive and tries himself out in the kitchen. Something he shouldn’t have. It’s always your task to take care of his stomach, but you’re away now. He starts boiling the water, while texting you, his hand dangerously close to the boiling liquid. He smiles as you answer him but his smile disappears as soon as the water burns his skin, making him clutch his hand, causing it to hurt more. He drives into the hospital, knowing the burn he just got is not something he can treat at home. It doesn’t take the doctor too long to put a bandage over him, telling him what he should and shouldn’t do to make it heal quicker. He thanks the doctor and begins walking out, already dialing your number. You’ve just finished your cookie, when your ringtone hits your ear. “Hey love!” You answer cheerfully, but hear no response. You’re confused as you check your screen again, calling out Jaymi’s name, but eventually hanging up, thinking he’s just butt-dialed you. But he hasn’t. He’s now frozen, his eyes straight on you, following your frame as you walk back to your room. He follows you and steps in with the same confused and worried look. “Y/N? Care to explain what you’re doing here?” And you do after the shock disappears, after he lets you know how much he loves you and how much he cares about you. After he tells you that he’d never judge you, that he wants to know everything about you, wants to be there at every decision you make, wants to be a part of your life 24/7. And you’re crying as you spill your heart out to him, and he’s crying as well, because he’s never had any idea of what you’ve been going through. Never even in his worst dreams would he think you’d have to go through this. And even as you tell him it’s not like that, that it’s not hopeless, he’s still crying because he’s so completely and utterly in love with you and he never wants to lose you.