Home Wrecker {A.F.I}

Chapter 19

Alexandria

I was in the middle of singing Starring Role. I had put my own little edge to the song; making it more my own. I had always loved this song, even though I wasn't a huge fan of Marina and The Diamonds, "... You don't love me, big fucking deal, I'll never tell you how I feel..." The whole time my eyes were on Ashton, who was standing next to his beautiful blonde girlfriend. She looked like she didn't want to be here, and honestly I didn't blame her. What girlfriend in their right mind would want to come and see their boyfriends ex performing songs about how much she still loved him. I don't think Ashton got what I was trying to tell him, through the songs; and I wasn't surprised.

I continued to sing the song, when I saw Bryana walk away. I could tell from how close they were standing that she was taking in my every move and every line I sang. She could tell what I was trying to say through the songs. And it was probably coming from the amount of emotion I was singing them with.
Please don't follow her, please don't follow, I repeated those words over and over in my mind, as I sang. And then the unthinkable happened. He followed her. I stopped singing for a second, but not for second did I forget to continue to play the music. Thanking God that this wasn't a popular song, "... I never had a heart to mend, because before the start began I always saw the end..." I started up again, "... It almost feels like a joke to play a part, when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart, you know I'd rather walk alone; then play a supporting role, if I can't get the starring role..." I took a breathe, "... The starring role," I finished the song. Putting my guitar down and picking up my bottle of water to take a sip. I looked out to the audience to see if Ashton had walked back in, he hadn't. I didn't want to play anymore of my set unless he came in.

Erin gave me a look as if to say, are you okay? I nodded towards her and gave her a weak smile. Despite the fact that she was my boss and quite a few years older than me, I'd always classified her as one of my best friends.
I continued to play through my set. Trying not to take any notice of the fact that Ashton hadn't returned. I was hoping he would have by this point; considering now I was about to play Sirens. If he didn't come back in now, by the time I got to Sweet Despair, he'd probably get the wrong idea of my feelings.

I held off singing this song, for as long as I could. Changing it up to play Ariana Grande's, Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart; which was meant to be played after Sirens, "... Just a little bit is all I'm asking for," I finished the song, and he still wasn't back. I had no more songs prepared, and I knew I'd probably get murdered by Dan, if I changed it all again.
"Alright guys, this is one of my new ones, I'm sorry for changing it just before I was meant to play that before Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart, but I've literally only just finished writing this today," I told the crowd, "so I'm still a little shaky," they laughed, and cheered for me, "this holds a very personal message towards me and someone I hold close to my heart," I looked to see if he was back, and he still hadn't returned, "this is Sirens," I began strumming the chords on the acoustic guitar, "I carry the weight of you in my heavy heart, and the wind is so icy, I am numb. I carry the weight of you heading back to start, with a thousand me; I stumble on. I am tired, I'm growing older, I'm getting weaker everyday, I carry the weight of you, I carry the weight of you..." I sang, "... Lay down here, beside me shallow water, beside me where the sun is shining on us still, Lay down here beside me in the hollow water, Beside me where the silver lining stays until, The sirens' calling..." I was struggling to hold in the tears while I sang.
I got to the end of the song and he still wasn't back yet, "... The sirens' calling, the sirens' calling," I finished and saw him, standing in the same spot he was earlier, minus Bryana. She'd left, I wasn't surprised; but I still wondered why.

"Alright, so I've just realised that I have more time left than I thought I did," I told the crowd after I finished singing Sirens. I immediately cursed myself for not realising this earlier, I had enough time to add in an extra song, "so if you know this, which I'm assuming some of you do, this is Start Again, by Conrad Sewell," I started strumming the chords to the song, "home time, I'm getting ready for a long ride, you say never miss it, til it's gone; well I wish I done it better. Mostly, I miss having you close to me..." My reasons for choosing this song were mainly because I hoped it would get my message to Ash across to him, "... There's a hole in the middle of my heart again, can we start again? Can we start again? There's a hole in the middle and it never mends, can we start again..." With each word I looked at him, "... There's a hole in the middle and it never mends, but I've got to try to start again," I finished the song and the tears were falling. He was blind if he couldn't see how I felt about him. I wasn't looking forward to actually telling him and then have him reject me. I couldn't take anymore rejection from him. He'd rejected me in some way or form since the beginning, at first it was when we accidentally kissed the first time at that Christmas party; and then there were a few other times. It was his decision that we were going to break up when I moved to Melbourne; I knew that ultimately that was the right decision, the best thing for us to do; but it soon proved pointless that we broke up, because a week after I moved, with out having any contact with him for three days before I left, except him coming to say goodbye; he sent me an essay of a text message; then there was the final time; all those missed calls and unanswered text messages.