Call Me Six

25: 'Smoke and Silence' -Tobias

TOBIAS-

It was cold outside... Winter was coming quickly.

I was sat on the cold stone steps with only my thin shirt and jeans to keep me warm.

Small wafts of vapour form before my face with every breath - obstructing the view before me.

She was shouting my name before I even knew she was there. Her small frame running quickly forwards as she clung to a thin jacket that hung over her shoulders.

"Tobias," she called but I could only stare. "Tobias, why are you sat out here?" She was stood before me now. Her knees in line with my head before she crouched down to join me on the cold stone.

"Why are you at the hospital? Why did you call me?"

I don't know, I thought, I don't know why I called you.

Maybe because my father doesn't give a damn about what happens to his children. Maybe because I couldn't stand to have my friends see me so distraught. Maybe because I wanted the familiarity of your company.

Nothing was making sense.

She just kept bombarding me with questions until she stopped, sucked in a breath, and muttered, "Oh God."

"Tobias," she said, her voice full of fear, "where's Sophie?"

I couldn't take it. Not anymore. The floodgates opened.

She shuffled round and held me tight round the shoulders as my head nestled instinctively to the crook of her neck.

"She's gone," I sobbed, rocking back and forth in the cocoon of her arms. "She's gone, Tris."

~

It was quiet.

The room filled with smoke and silence.

We went back to her's; I couldn't face the memories of home.

She shivered as that cold wind that blows between the curtains of late night and early morning crawled through the open window, as we tried to clear the air.

Neither of us smoked normally. In fact, it was only an act we'd ever taken part in once before. We were with each other - the evening of Sophie's first operation. The first day I feared her death.

"Is this gonna be tradition," she said, her voice groggy yet sweet, and curled up closer to me on the small bed in her room. "Whenever shit goes wrong will we just get high together?"

"I hope not," I said and held her closer - my chin resting atop her head. "I don't think I could handle it again. It's scary to feel to fucking great but sad at the same time you know? Doesn't feel right. Like I feel like I'm drinking poison, but it's fucking delicious. That's wrong. Getting high for all the wrong reasons. Hiding."

She hummed in reply and sunk deeper into the duvet before pulling me down with her. We were so close, I almost forgot what had happened between us as I leant forward brushing my lips gently to her own.

Oh shit, I thought and subconsciously shimmied myself a few inches away from the young blonde next to me.

A flurry of all different emotions coursed through my veins as I looked to her for a sign of whether or not I should have done that.

She quirked an eyebrow with a subtly smug expression before rolling over to her side and facing away from me.

"G'night," she hummed, and within a few brief moments her breaths evened out.

Relief washed over me as I relaxed and pulled her sleeping body closer to my own. She's asleep, I thought and repeated that phrase over and over again in my head - only confirming the obvious. Tris was sleeping...  A beauty I'd not had the privilege to gaze at in so long.

"Goodnight," I whispered, before sinking in to peaceful darkness.