Call Me Six

30: 'Glitter' -Tris

I've only ever been to one funeral before - my parents'. 

Everyone wore black, we sung hymns and told stories of their past. The whole event was quite dull to be honest. It was basically a gathering where people could cry and stare at two closed caskets side by side as they got lowered into the ground.

I didn't cry. I don't think I cried over my parents' deaths for at least two months until after the funeral. 

Caleb called me emotionally dud. I was anything but 'emotionally dud'. I was drowning in an ocean of emotions that I couldn't let anyone know about...

I was angry with myself for lighting those fucking candles.

I was enraged that I didn't die alongside them that night.

I was traumatized, I was trapped in the abmulance as my parents bodies were carried out of the smoldering building.

But most of all... I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I was the reason they suffered such a brutal death. Ashamed that I, the one that caused this was still alive when my parents were not. I was ashamed about everything that night... It's a guilt that I've carried ever since.

Today was different... We were gathered in Tobias', grandmother's old orchard.

It was beautiful. We were out of the city, in the fresh air, with nature. Fairy lights were strung up in the trees and glitter traced the small path.

He didn't want a dark, sad, funeral. He wanted something that Sophie would smile at, potentially enjoy.

Everything was bright and colorful. Only a small gathering. Uriah and Zeke were here. Christina showed up with a basket of flowers. Three other girls - Shauna, Marlene and Lynn - also came to remember the beautiful young child.

A few young children with their mothers and fathers also arrived in the orchard. I assumed they had known Sophie through the homeschooling program or the ballet lessons she used to attend a few years back.

No black, was his only request. And no black, there was. Everyone wore bright colors ranging from oranges to purples.

It was time. We gathered around the white casket, decorated with lyrics from her favorite songs and silver glitter lining the edges.

Everyone fell silent and Tobias began to speak.

"When I sat down to write this speech, there were so many beautiful things that I wanted to say about Sophie that I didn't know where to start. None of us have had easy lives by any means, but this is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

"Sophie was not only beautiful on the outside, she was a beautiful soul. She also saw the beauty in others. She could make everyone smile.

"For example, I remember one morning, when she had woken me bore dawn. 'Toby,' she sang, I loved the way she sang everything. 'Come one,' she said, 'we're gonna race the sun!'

"She dragged me out of bed and sprinted to my battered up old truck - dragging me behind, half asleep the whole time. 'Drive! Drive!,' she cheered, so I did. She loved every second of that journey... Eventually, we ran out of gas, but she didn't stop smiling. I asked her why we were racing the sun, and she replied, 'I just wanted this day to last as long as possible, because today, is a today, and we won't ever get this day again.'

"She loved every aspect of life... She appreciated every second of it.

"Although incredibly difficult, this reminds me not to feel sorrow for her death, but instead to feel grateful that her presence has blessed our lives. We are all better people today because she was part of it.

"I am honored to be her big brother. To be her Toby." He stopped, let out a single sob before forcing a smile upon his face.

"When I looked at Sophie, I saw a reflection of myself, but with her own individuality and life ahead of her. I called her my princess because that's exactly what she was, and she in turn called me a whole bunch of goofy nicknames. 

"I always spoiled her and did my best to take care of her.

"Soph always made me feel like I was the coolest older brother.

"This reminds me that we need to continue to love and adore ourselves the way Sophie did.

"Sophie was always bright, colorful, creative, and lived life to the fullest.

"Her personality was too big for this world to contain.

"I remember the very first time I held my baby sister in my arms and looked into her beautiful eyes. She was instantly the light of my life. I knew I'd do anything for her.

"One of my happiest memories is of her as a toddler knocking on my bedroom door asking if we could blast Disney soundtracks and dance." 

There was a brief pause, where everyone nodded; smiled; remembering the countless times where she'd make us dance.

"We've all experienced just how happy that girl could make us in an instant. 

"Someone famous once said that the good die young, because they are ready for the next level.

"Often we forget that those who are the happiest in life, also hide their pain the best. As happy as she seemed, she was no exception. At night, she'd crawl into my bed - absolutely terrified of the silence.

"I think that's why she always used to sing...

"I remind myself that she no longer has to endure the pain of this world. We all must find peace knowing that she is still a light in our hearts.

"Words cannot describe how much she will be missed.

"I feel like we still had so much left to teach one another, and so many more stories to create.

"I had always thought I'd be able to see her grow into the beautiful woman that she was meant to be-

"I'm sorry, can I just have a moment to," he started to cry silently, his shoulders shaking. Christina rose and went to his side, her chin resting on his shoulder as she whispered condolences.

I'd be lying if I didn't say some aggravating feeling tugged at my gut. 

They laughed, hugged, and returned to the speech - folding and unfolding the crumpled paper.

"I know there is something that she found to love in every one of us.

"We must remind ourselves that when we look for her, we can look to the stars at night and we can look into the eyes and hearts of everyone here and find a little piece of her. That sparkle, that only she held.

"In that sense she will live on forever.

"I will leave you with this last thought.

"Tell people you love them more times than you think they should hear it, especially if you think they already know.

"Learn to appreciate the good times, because you never know when they will be your last good memories of some one.

"Thank you."