Call Me Six

47: 'Play With Fire' -Tobias

TOBIAS-

"Tobias?!" I was awoken with a jolt. The gut wrenching shrieks of Tris as the front door was thrown open.

It's three in the morning. After what happened at the bar I went home, letting the grotesque feeling of guilt and anger disappear into the night wind.

Having her turn up now, that was one thing I never expected. Having her aching shrieks echo through the walls, that was another thing all together.

"Tobias?!" She was coming up the stairs. Her footsteps galloping loudly; uneven.

"Tobias?!" Her voice was cracking. Sobs seeping out through the strangled cries.

I lurched up, scrambling quickly out of bed and sprinting towards the sound of her voice. I threw the wooden door open and she was there; standing in the hallway. Her shirt was ripped, heels in hand, hair a mess, makeup smeared across her face and her eyes bloodshot. She looked a wreck. She didn't look like Tris anymore.

"Tobias," she whispered. Her entire body was shaking visibly, her knees just about ready to buckle under her. "Tobias," she repeated.

Tears were streaming, yet she made no effort to wipe them away. Her confident facade had been disintegrated.

"Tobias, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. Tobias, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she sobbed, sliding down against the wall, burying her head in her hands. "I'm sorry."

I didn't know what to do. I'd never seen her like this before. I never though I would.

Step by step, I slowly made my way over, crouching down by her side. I reached out, trying to brush the tangled hair from her face and she flinched back, smacking her head against the wall. "Don't touch me," she said, her eyes only focusing on the ceiling. "Don't touch me, please."

"Tris what's-" I didn't finish. She silenced me by the subtle shake of her head. Her eyes were shut tight, as if she could block out reality by refusing to see it. 

We just sat in a silence for a few minutes. Eventually her sobs stilled and those stormy yes met my own. But they looked dull, as if the light had been drained from them.

"I'm sorry... I don't know why I'm here, I- I just didn't want to go home." She pulled her hair to the side, and a trail of purple marks spreading from her jaw to collar bone was revealed. She didn't seem to want to mention it, so I didn't. I just sat.

"I'm sorry, Tobias. And I understand if you hate me and don't ever wanna see me again but I didn't know what else to do. And don't you dare pity me, either - I don't want any pity. Because... I am partially to blame.

"I guess the saying is true... If you play with fire, you will get burned. How funny is that?" She scoffed slightly and adjusted the torn crop top so that it no longer revealed half of her bra. How she became this disheveled, I still could not guess. She sniffed once, running her wrist under her nose and said, "And hey, let's call it fucking karma."

"Tris... What actually did happen?"

She sighed, her shoulders shrugging as if contemplating wether or not to say. Apparently she came to a conclusion and said, "Can you hold me? Just once more; I wanna feel you hold me one final time before I say; because you won't want to when I'm done."

I was sat up with my back against the opposite wall, less that two meters from her. Her small frame curled up into me, resting against my chest as if she was a baby, clinging to a comfort.

"I'm sorry," she said, "And I know sorry won't fix this but I have to say it anyway. Michael - he was supposed to be the last one, Tobias. I was going to stop at him. I wanted to stop for you... But I've well and truly fucked up big time with this one...

"I did the usual, got him drunk, took him home, led him on... He wasn't drunk, Tobias. And he didn't stop.

"I- I didn't know what to do... He was supposed to be so fucking wasted that he'd just pass out like all the others. He was fucking sober, Tobias. He might as well have Ben drinking damn Capri-Suns all night.

"I couldn't exactly say 'sorry mate, I'm not actually a fucking slut that'll screw anything' and then he just kept going, and going.

"And I let him.

"I'm sorry, Tobias. I really am. I wanted to stop it but I couldn't and I didn't know what to do and I'm so sorry. I actually do feel like a slut, now. Some easy girl that just gave in. How fucking ironic is that?

"He knew... He knew I didn't sleep with them.

"I'm sorry," she repeated once more. "I should be leaving now... I know I made a mistake and I know I've probably just ruined everything between us, but just know that I do love you. Nothing's going to change that, Tobias." And then she stood, gathering her shoes and pulling her hair back. "I love you, I'm sorry."

It's like a stone had settled in my chest, my blood turned to concrete. Everything was heavy, but I still acted on instinct. "Tris," I said, my fingers snaking themselves around her thin wrist. "I love you. This doesn't change anything."

"But I-"

"I don't care," I said, standing up to meet her level and pulling her close. "I love you, it's going to take a lot more that this to change it, okay?" I lifted her chin up with my index finger, waiting for a sign. Her lips lifted slightly and she nodded. "Just- You understand I'm obliged to break his nose now, right?"