Call Me Six

56: 'Delilah' -Tris

TRIS-

It felt like something from a dream, staring through the glass at her tiny form.

"Hello, my darling," I whispered, as if the words were precious, and if heard by anyone other than her, they'd lose all meaning. "Hello."

I don't know if she can hear me, but the words are still her's and only her's.

This little bundle of innocence brought into this world through sin...

I'd give anything to hold her, to feel her weight in my arms; but she's too fragile, not prepared for this world. For now, the most I can do is gaze at her through the glass incubator. It's almost fitting - in a cruel and unforgiving way - a mother unfit to carry her child in the womb, births a child unfit to be graced by the touch of her undeserving mother.

Even at such a young age, I already knew she'd grow up to be beautiful, I could see it in her face. She was gorgeous. And that might just be the thoughts of a biased mother, but I knew she was. This young child had a beautiful soul; something you don't even have to see to know it's there.

The nurses kept wandering in and out of the room, checking various charts and machines strewn around the box of white. They'd talk quietly between themselves, occasionally sending glances my way. They didn't look at the other mothers like that though... The other mothers were accompanied by their child's fathers and the nurses spoke soft words to them. They could hold their babies...

Caleb, Cara and Will had gone home to shower, eat and get a change of clothes. It took a bit of coaxing from myself but they eventually agreed. All three of them looked shattered.

They didn't want to leave at first - Caleb especially. He said he wanted to stay and make sure I was alright but I told them the nurses would take care of me if anything happened - that was in fact their job after all.

"Hello, baby... Hello."

She wore tiny white mittens, and a hat that still was too large for her precious little head. She looked like a doll... Too tiny to be real yet so perfectly sculpted.

"Miss Prior," a nurse broke me from the daze. "Doctor Heathman is ready to see you now." I nodded in understanding and she wheeled me back to the hospital room.

It was a brisk walk through the hall, I'd already memorised the walls that surrounded me thanks to the countless trips up and down. On the left side were balloons painted in various colours of the rainbow and on the right was plain, sterile, white paint with occasional posters depicting healthy diets, how to check for breast cancer, what to do if you have a nosebleed, how to properly wash your hands and many other things.

She wheeled me into the room and left once I made a fuss when she tried to help me up onto the bed and I did it by myself. I didn't want to be treated like I was incapable of helping myself; because I wasn't.

It's funny, I could see her scowling slightly as she spoke quickly to Doctor Heathman as they traded places in the room. Not many of the nurses particularly liked me. Although their job was to take care of the patients, I don't think they could actually care less about them; or me to be more precise.

I think they just see me as another stupid teen...  Another teen pregnancy statistic. I'd be the story they tell their children in order to get them to 'use protection' and 'practice safe sex,' because otherwise, 'you'll throw your life away and end up pregnant with no one there to support you - a child can't raise a child.'