HeavyDirtySoul | Tyler Joseph |

Ten

Andrea

Dear "Diary" (still hate that word),

For the last 5 almost 6 years now, I've been feeling this big gaping hole in my life. Like my heart has been missing a chunk out of it. Nothing seemed to have filled this void but lately I've been feeling full. Lately I have been feeling not so empty and lonely.

Full of emotion, an overwhelming feeling like I've said before, for again the quirky Tyler Joesph. The boy who almost accidentally walked into my life. Yes, I've finally come to the realization of these new found feelings.

I love the way the corners of his eyes crinkle when he's laughing out loud. Man his laugh is contagious.

I also love the way he has the ability to brighten my day and turn my frown into a smile.

Also, how he can lift my spirits (and Josh of course) and can make me temporarily forget the bad that has happened or is happening. People who can do that are the best kind of people.

Tyler is just all around amazing. I've never met someone in my life who makes me feel like this. The bond we have made in this short period of time has really weirded me out. Just for the reason of how close we are emotionally over the short of time.

It's a bit odd how I say the term 'love' to describe the things about him I like the most.

The thing is I don't even realize I say it, it seems like a 'norm', it feels right. I don't know how that came to be in my mind. The word love seems right, to describe my interest in Tyler Joseph.

The thought of the word scared me in many way to be honest. Love is such a big and powerful emotion not to mention a big commitment. Love is when you're next to your soulmate, your lover and you feel the feeling of butterflies erupting in your stomach. You feel tingly, you feel a spark.

Well I damn well feel a fucking storm going hard on my stomach. I feel tingly, like the tingly after your feet fall asleep and are trying to regain felling. Damn I don't feel a small spark. I feel like I'm fucking electrocuted when I'm next to Tyler Joseph.

Oh god, did I just admit to loving Tyler?

-Andrea

--

I decided that was when I should stop writing because I was starting to scare myself with this new found information. Maybe not new found, because I knew this deep down just was too scared to admit it. To be fair it was something I didn't wanna admit, something I was too worried or scared of.

I slam my journal shut and toss it under my bed, where I usually do along with my black pen.

It was Saturday today. I slept in a while then got up and went to the kitchen.

Everybody was awake. It was really nice to be honest, I had a nice morning sitting and conversing with my family. They seemed to enjoy it as well that was I was with them and not being anti social away in my room like unusually do.

My dad made us all french toast which was really nice. Then we went in the family room and watched some morning television, then Thomas went and changed it to cartoons. I stayed for a but then retreated to my room, wanting to find or if I'll be doing anything today.

And now here I am a couple hours later. After writing away in my journal and watching some Netflix and YouTube I finally decide I should get the day going. Should I text Tyler? In a way I don't want to bother him, but in a way I really want to spend my day with him.

I would text my friends, Mike and Emily who don't attend my school but they're on a school trip at the moment. They go to some gifted school.

I know it seems like I haven't been mentioning that them or hanging out with them but Its cause we all have our different schedules, we all text daily for hours on end. We all just need to find time for each other which is hard. I can start to see Emily starting to drift off away though. I can see her Instagram posts wih her new friends that she has time for. And Mike, I don't know yet.

I open my messages and press on Tyler's message thread.

The last message he sent tonme was last night, it read out.

Tyler: Goodnight Andrea, sweet dreams and remember keep smiling :)

I smile and tap to type him a message.

Me: Hey Ty, wanna  hangout today?

I set my phone down, too nervous to see if he read it or is typing, I always hate for that. I feel so worried and full of suspense you know? Its weird.

My phone vibrated on my desk a few moments later, causing my heart to practically beat out if my chest. It scared me almost. I don't know why I'm so timid today.

Tyler: Hey! I'd love to :)

Love. I wait a moment before replying.

Me: cool. Where and when?

Tyler: I'm going to hangout with Josh and his girlfriend actually, would you like to join us?

Josh's girlfriend. Am I really up to meet someone new today? I fear they'll think I'm odd or weird, its just a thing I have with literally every new person I meet. I guess it isn't a problem, but I don't wanna like ruin their plans.

Me: I mean I don't want to intrude

Tyler: what? It's not intruding. Plus I already feel like I'll be a third wheel if its just me.

Me: okay. Where are we meeting?

Tyler: I'm on my way to meet them at Josh's house. But I think we're going a park near his place

Me: right I still have to get ready anyways

Tyler: okay. When you're done let me know and I'll let you know where we're at :)

Me: okay :)

I set my phone down and begin to get dressed for hanging out with not only Tyler and Josh, but Josh's girlfriend. I wonder who she is. Josh never really told me her name, not did Tyler. I had no clue what she was like or anything, I hope to god she isn't like Amanda.

I put on yet another pair of black skinny jeans and black and burgundy stitched sweater. It was getting super cold already. It was now the beginning of November.

I pull on some warm fuzzy sicks and some Doc Martens. I fix my hair and make sure it doesn't look too messy.

I reach into my closet and pull out my black beanie and put it on my head. I pack some stuff in a bag like my charger and some gloves and whatever.