I'll Follow The Sun •Elvis Presley•

30: Everything I Have

We returned to Graceland, and the dark cloud evolved into a hurricane. It felt like Elvis could hardly look at me. I don't know why he blamed me. I tried what I could to save her. Why couldn't he see that? Him and Vernon were inconsolable and would break into tears frequently.

Elvis, his security guards along with his friends and family decided to make arrangements inside the office behind Graceland.

I saw Elvis step outside and walk towards the office, where I was standing. He looked straight at me, but kept walking.

I knew we wouldn't be able to truly talk until tonight when we were settled and into bed. It always felt like there was 20 people around. Mainly because there was. Why can't we ever be alone?

I wanted to breakdown myself. I wanted Gladys back, and I wanted Elvis back.

"I want the funeral here, sir." I hear when I walk in. "This is her home." I stayed by the door and closed it silently so they wouldn't notice me. I felt like a fly on the wall.

"I understand that, Mr. Presley. But we cannot guarantee that the situation will be contained. There's already hundreds of people down by them gates."

Elvis leans back in his spinny chair and lightly rubs his chin in thought. "Then where can it be?"

"Well sir, there's the Memphis funeral home."

"Then we'll have it there. And lots of flowers. Momma loves flowers." He stands and leaves everyone behind. "And one more thing. Nobody touches anything from now on in her room. Don't even step foot in there." His eyes were on the floor until he came to the door, where I was sauntering by. He realized I was there and he looked directly at me from two feet away. In his eyes were someone else. I could tell how broken he was just by one look.

He sighs and surprises me by grabbing my hand and leads me outside. I knew everyone had their eyes on us. We walked through the grass in silence and heard the birds singing their songs above our heads.

Elvis led me to a large tree and we both sat down on the grass. "Lizzie, I know I was very... erratic to you, and I'm sorry. This is very, very hard." His voice cracks at the end. "You know how much I loved her. How much she loved me. How much she loved you." His eyes tear up and he uses his free hand to wipe tears away. "I feel very empty inside. I know it's not your fault she died and I should've have acted like it was."

I didn't know what to say. My mouth stayed shut instead and just let him say what he needed to say. "Things are going to be different. We need to..." he trails off and shakes his head. "We'll talk about it later. I'm just..." he looks towards the house. "I'm just gonna go to bed for awhile." He lets go of my hand and pushes himself up. Another surprise, he turns around and holds his hand out for me and helps me up as well.

Without a word, he heads into the house and I'm left alone outside. I didn't get up right away but decided to sit for awhile longer. The guys were still in the office so I knew they were still processing arrangements and making phone calls.

A blue butterfly lands on my knee as I'm leaning back on my hands and flaps its wings a few times slowly and I think of how beautiful the world can be, even in dark times. That's when I broke down.

I cried for a good ten minutes before a headache over took my head and threw dull pain into my brain. I pushed myself off the ground and dusted the dirt off my shorts and went inside. I was greeted with cold air and an empty home. There was usually a bunch of people around, but no one was there today.

I went upstairs and into our bedroom and found Elvis asleep in our bed. He had to be exhausted from everything and the jet lag. His body was on German time. I changed into one of his loose t shirts and took off my shorts and crawled into bed with him. His back was to me, so I wrapped my arms around him like he's done to me many times. He needed to be held. Although it was midday, we slept all through the night and into the morning.

It was a cloudy, dreary day outside, but the inside was much darker. I haven't been to many funerals in my life. The last one I can remember was my grandma, my moms mom, when she died in 1942. I was young and it didn't quite stick in my mind.

Elvis and I dressed in black, he in a suit and I in a dress that came past my knees with a pullover cardigan and low heels. He was sitting on the bed waiting for me, with a sullen, empty look on his face. He looked up at me from the carpet when I stepped out of our dressing room.

We left Graceland hand in hand and got into one of the chauffeurs cars to ride to the funeral home. Although the car ride was silent, Elvis never let go of my hand.

We were greeted by many people as we stepped inside the funeral home but nothing much past a friendly 'hello'. Everyone gave Elvis and I our space. We took a seat by Vernon in the front pew and kept our heads down. I couldn't look forward at the casket, and I knew Elvis couldn't either.

Gladys's favorite gospel group, the Blackwood Brothers sang a song for her and Elvis sobbed hysterically into my chest while I held him close and tried to rub his back a bit to soothe him. Truthfully I was crying too.

After the service, we all piled back into our cars to ride to the Forest Hill Cemetery. Elvis's head was in my lap and I could feel his teardrops soaking through my skirt. I gently played with his hair with one hand while the other rubbed around his shoulder and arm to try to comfort him the best I could.

The drive was hauntingly long. Every second brought us closer to the place Gladys would forever rest and it was an incredibly lonely thought. I'd never walk through the front doors and see her smiling face again.

We arrived at the cemetery and popped our cars doors open. The air felt sour. Death hung over this place darker than I'd ever seen. Watching them lower the casket into the ground was probably the saddest I'd ever felt, and I'll ever feel in my entire life.

Elvis got on his knees in front of her grave and stared blankly for a moment, until he threw his arms around the stone and continued to sob. "Oh God, everything I have is gone. Goodbye darling, goodbye. You know how much I loved my whole life for you."

~~~

I finally decided to update because I recently stayed at the Graceland Guest House/Hotel and wanted to post something. Also when my grandma and I were leaving, some guy who worked there winked at me and followed us to the front door a bit and it was creepy.