The Best Kept Secret.

-19- Suspicions.

~To be honest, this is more of a filler than anything. Next chapter promises to be more drama filled and actually important to the story. Should also be posted tonight.

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Loveeee,

♥

Over the next couple of weeks at school, I think me and Alex managed to sneak out for a further couple of make outs in the supply closet without detection.

He mostly hung around with Kayla outside of school, while I was with Matt, and I wasn’t really sure whether we were just looking for extra onside of our relationships or what was going on but I didn’t really mind.

But he was practically texting and calling me every night. More than Matt was at the moment. I barely got a spare night to myself with Matt, without it being all about sex and then he left, apparently he was needed at home again. Tonight he’d actually agreed to just watch a movie with me and chill out. I wasn’t sure if he was staying.

And that sent alarm bells ringing.

I know I probably had no right to be thinking that he might be cheating on me, considering how drawn I am to Alex and the way I’ve been flirting and creeping around with him. I couldn’t help but wonder about Matty though. He said he loved me, and we still kissed and stuff but there was always that suspicion that he was being different around me and the feeling that that might be because of another girl. What if he was using me for ease of access and then going and sleeping with someone else, or taking someone else out?

It was so easy for me to fall into another person’s arms, so was it that easy for him to become the unfaithful person he promised me he’d never be?

Or was this just my guilt swallowing me up and trying to blame it all on Matthew?

The only thing I can really say is that, bad as it may be, and unbelievably, now me and Alex have started whatever we’re doing, strangely, I don’t regret a second. And I think I probably should, but I can’t help but love  the minutes we get together. Nor can I bring myself to stop.

Moving down on the bed, till my side was against the comforter, I felt myself start to drift to sleep. I felt Matt sit up more as my head rested on his stomach. My brain seemed tired from all the thinking, but before I could fully close my eyes, the bed shifted and my head fell on the covers, Matt’s body disappearing from underneath me. I cracked an eye open and found Matt’s back facing me, his body arched over his knees. I sat up again, crossing my legs underneath me and waiting for the goodbye that I knew was coming.

“Hey, listen.” He whispered, when he’d slipped his sneakers on, cupping my face in one hand and training his piercing emerald eyes on my boring brown ones, “I am sorry that I can’t stay longer, you know that right?” I must’ve looked upset, because his thumb brushed against my lips and he leant his head closer. “Please don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” I asked, my voice hushed.

“Like I’m committing a cardinal sin. It’s killing me, Charlie.” He groaned,

“Then why can’t you just stay? What’s so important that you have to leave all the time?”

I knew how amazingly selfish I was being. Two guys at once, your all thinking that I’m just being plain greedy now. Your probably screaming at me to pick one of them. You’ll be saying out loud, “It’s not that hard, one simple question – Matt or Alex?”

What you don’t realize is, yes, it is a hard decision. Matt – the guy I’ve been with a year, or Alex – the guy I’ve known for a month who’s taken to kissing me in closets, however much of a thrill that may be, it’s going to get old at some point right?

And I wanted to find out why Matthew kept leaving all the time. I wanted to see what was so great that meant it was essential for him to leave me every night that he was over here.  

“babe, I don’t leave all the time. Your such a drama queen.” He laughed, “It’s nothing much, just my mother, she’s starting to want me home earlier. It weird, I know. But maybe you can just stay tomorrow at mine, that way both of you are happy. That cool?”

“I guess.”

“Try to sound a tiny bit more stoked.” He teased, as I felt heat rise to my cheeks, his hand holding my gaze on him, even though I felt the need to hide.

“I’ll try.” I smiled.

“great.” He pressed his lips to mine, his smile evident as his arms wound around my body. He broke away from it far too soon and stood up. “I love you.”

“You too.” I replied, and then he was gone.

No promise to call, text, no nothing. Except a quick kiss and a proclamation of love.

Ok, ok, no need to tell me, I sound like a bitch. Too late to blame it on PMS? I think so.

The next night, I did stay at the Brentwood’s house. It was kinda smaller than mine, given that his mom and dad are actually home a lot, and kind of enjoy the whole family dinner segment and just hanging out with each other. Matt’s younger sisters share a room on the second floor and Matt’s room is in the attic. It’s a squeeze but they try so hard to make it homely, plus they don’t feel the need to boast their wealth like my parents. But they are always really lovely. I tend not to go there much if they’re home. It’s weird seeing what an actual family are like compared to my dysfunctional one. We played cards and charades and spent a normal family night in the front room.

It was nice to be around some sort of parents. People who cared.

Yet all that time, I’d never felt so alienated from Matthew. He barely talked to me while I was there, in front of his family. It was awkward and strange. And the way he held me against his side was almost as if he was memorizing my body, and the way it fit against his.

I had to wait until nightfall, where we found ourselves curled against each other in his single bed. I was meant to be sleeping on the floor, but I imagined his parents knew that he snuck me into his bed whenever I stayed.

“Charl.” He muttered into the darkness, his arm tightening around me and pulling me even closer, so my feet were no longer dangling off the edge.

“Yeah?”

“You wanna go out for ice cream tomorrow? I,” He cleared his throat before continuing, “I think it’d be cool.”

I got the distinct impression, that actually, it wouldn’t be cool, but that it was serious and I had to swallow heavily, my voice somehow thick and wary.

“Erm, yeah, sounds… Great.”

Yep, something was definitely up here…

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