The Best Kept Secret.

-18- Seeing Clearly.

~After all the updates you've gotten over the past week, I bet you weren't thinking you'd have to wait this long for the next one. All I can say is that it was hard to write. I'll write why at the end so you can make your own decisions. Anyway, I now adore this chapter. It is competely perfect and I hope you'll agree. Throwing this one out too ILOveEmOs. I think she was one of the first commenters on this story and she stil votes and comments on practically every chapter. So here's to the amazing support you give :D Plus to the opinion that Matt was a jackass, because you were also the very first person to say that you didn't like him all that much. It made me laugh <3 Enjoy guys.

p.s. Song of the day is Jasey Rae - All Time Low (MTV Unplugged) -  Purely for the fact that Rian is awesome with that tambourine :') ♥

I tried to get my mind off of both Matt and Alex for the rest of the weekend. I knew I’d have to face Matt and Alex at school, but the longer I put it off the better.

Sunday, I decided a visit to my brother and his girlfriend was in order. Lucy has a little boy from a previous relationship. Nathan is now two and the most adorable kid I know. When she and Scott got together, I was more than a little surprised, which is fair to say. The player of the school, finally deciding that his dream of settling down was with a teen who already had her fair share of problems. A baby, who she fell pregnant with at 17. Her family kicked her out, leaving her to juggle school, a controlling boyfriend, 2 jobs and running a household while finding decent childcare for her baby.

It took ages for Luce to trust me around Nathan. When he was born, his Dad burnt him with cigarettes. After finally plucking up the courage to dump him while Nathan was still a baby, she became a sort of recluse. She didn’t trust anyone around her son and I didn’t blame her for that at all. From when I first met her to now, I would say my brother brought her totally out of her shell, plus he’s great with Nath.

Sat with him on my knee, bouncing up and down and watching Thomas the Tank Engine, I couldn’t help but get distracted by his hyper attitude and wide blue eyes. I didn’t think about my problems at all when I was around him, too busy by trains and cars flying past my head, and scribbly pictures of me on the back of assignments from school.

It was refreshing, having something to focus on. Something that wasn’t drama or partying or homework.

It was almost perfection. If I didn’t have to know that I was back at school tomorrow.

Laying in bed that night, sleepless, restless, I realized I didn’t think I could play Alex’s kiss this time, off as a fluke. It was way too intentional and his challenge was a kick in the gut.

But, despite the connection to Alex, I couldn’t let go of Matt.

It may be selfish, it may be stupid, but Matt is like my rock.

I don’t know how I finally got to sleep, but I know it was full of tossing and turning. When I woke up ,the sheets were more on the floor than they were on me. They were twisted around my legs and body, and had to untangle myself before I stood up.

While in the shower, where everyone does their best thinking, I made the ultimate plan for the day.

I had to tell Alex we were going to stop this. Before it went too far and before we got too far to break it all off. Right now it was only quick kisses, but what if it went further?

I didn’t think I could handle that. All the drama that’d go with it. The sneaking around.

There will always be that cheesy romance fanatic out there that’ll tell me that it doesn’t have to be that way. And I know what they’re thinking. What if it’s different? What if he actually likes you? What if he’s the one? I’m just thinking about Kayla. She’s been in love with him for more than three years and I just couldn’t imagine ruining that for her. She was so happy when he asked her out and then only two weeks later he was kissing me and that isn’t fair on her. Or him. Or Matt.