November 24, Later
I wandered around town in a daze after that, feeling like I wanted to step out of the world and never step back in it.
It wasn't right without Liota in it. It was like everything inside me was frozen up in time while everything outside continued to move forward. How could the world move forward without him? He was the center of it, always, always.
Except, not always. I stood in front of the alley from that one time when Vinni—Vincent, back then—told me I'd "lost something." And I realized that for quite a while, Liota had been fading from my world—replaced, gradually, with Vinni.
My mind tracked through the last two months, and I finally saw just how much Vinni had really taken over my home life. He wasn't even the one who'd been neglecting Liota—he'd remembered him when I hadn't.
If I hadn't listened to Vinni, that crazy woman wouldn't have decided she needed to "help her baby" by quenching the "demon fire" that was controlling him. If Vinni hadn't been so insistent about it, I probably could've found another way to get Liota enrolled in school. It's just that I... I'd wanted it to work. I'd wanted to believe in another person, and look where it got me! It's our fault—both of us, together—that this happened to Liota. I guess I just screw up less when I'm alone.
I felt something hot well up inside me. It made me want to break something. No, not just break it—completely obliterate it! Such a vibrant, furious feeling, it almost felt like it was tearing me apart.
I kicked a trashcan and ran.
I ran with all the strength in my legs through the cold streets of late November, longer than I'd ever run before, longer than I'd even thought humanly possible. It was amazing that it had never occurred to me to run before. All those days I'd just sat and taken it and sometimes I didn't deserve it, but I sure deserve it now. Maybe I'll just keep running till my legs give out, till my lungs give out, till I just drop dead.
He's better off away—I should've called him in the first place, sent him away back when she broke his wrist, sent him to safety, and I thought I was doing the right thing but I guess I was wrong after all, just like I always am, and I keep trying to improve but I just make things worse and it's all my fault he could've died, mine and Vinni's, we're just not good together, but I'm glad I left Vinni with Henry so at least he won't be alone even though my brother was almost dead because of him, because of us, it's all our fault, our fault—my fault shit I almost killed my brother killed my brother, my brother shit shit shit I'm sorry I'm sorry I'msorry I'msorry I'msorry imsorry imsorryimsorryimsorry
I can't!
YOU ARE READING
PROPERTY OF A. KENDRICK
Teen FictionA. Kendrick is bullied at school and has no allies among students or staff. And why should he? He's small and strange-looking and slow. His only purpose in life is to keep his younger brother safe from their negligent and occasionally violent mother...
