PROPERTY OF A. KENDRICK

Entry 76

December 17

 Vinni was in school today. The truth of the fight was obvious in the ugly bruise on his left cheek. It was in about the same place as the one I left on Henry, but stretched over to the side of his face, and he had a split lip to go with it. I was surprised to see a few students gathered around Vinni, chatting friendlily. I'd thought he'd be an outcast after fighting with Henry. But maybe people just didn't realize it was a friendship-ending fight.

When I walked into the classroom, our eyes met and, for once, the customary smile didn't slide across his face. I didn't send him one either.

He was sitting in a different seat than usual today—this one was right next to my usual seat. It was as though he were saying that even now, he still didn't mind if he was seen with me during school—and as though he were leaving it up to me to come talk to him. I took him up on his offer and sat in my usual spot.

I tried to ignore him and the people standing around him until the bell rang. Then I quickly passed him a note asking him if we could talk at lunch.

'Where?'

'South stairwell.'

'If you listen.'

'I will.'

'Fine.'

We didn't exchange another word until the meeting, but I wouldn't have been able to hear anything anyway, through all the noise.

"The hell's wrong with you?" Vinni demanded as soon as I led him into the unfinished classroom.

"A lot, apparently," I replied coldly.

"How couldja think I'd do something to hurt Liota?" I could tell that he was pained by the accusation. "How couldja think I'd do something to hurt you?"

"Then why didn't you react when I told the librarians that he wouldn't be here for a while? You must've already known he was gone!"

"Of course!"

"Then—"

"Because you told me!"

My eyes widened. "What?" I asked quietly. "When?"

"Monday after Thanksgiving," he growled. As the panic increased in my chest with the realization that I couldn't remember, Vinni's eyes widened as well. "You don't remember, do you?"

I opened and closed my mouth a couple times. "Oh god. My grampa. I talked to him too and I couldn't remember. Oh god, what else have I forgotten?" I clutched my head, but my mind was slowly filling up with noise.

I couldn't remember! How could I not notice that? How could I lose conversations with Vinni, with my grampa? What if I'd lost a conversation with Liota too?! How could I forget the conversations that I'd had with the very people who were always on my mind?! What an idiot! How screwed up can one person get?!

My fist slammed into the brick wall next to me. As the lava bubbled up inside me, I smashed my fist there again and again and again.

And then the noise was gone.

I looked up at Vinni, who seemed surprised by my sudden violence followed by a sudden calm.

"The noise stopped."

Vinni slowly approached me with an unreadable expression. "Noise?"

"The noise in here." I gestured with both hands at my head. "It started up after Liota left. There's this mess inside my head and it... it drowns out everything else," I realized, looking up at him.