My Furry Destiny (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Chapter 24 | Playing Pretend

Kyungsoo found that it was hard to pretend to be okay. 

He liked playing pretend as a kid and it even seemed fun to him, playing pretend. He would imagine that he lived in a tiny, quaint house somewhere in the woods with his invisible pets. He fantasized that he would spend all day in the kitchen baking cookies and brownies for his imaginary guests and serving them cups of tea to go with their sugary treats. Back then, playing pretend was easy and enjoyable for Kyungsoo. But now, playing pretend was hard and it didn't make him happy, it made him sad.

Kyungsoo always tried to see the bright side in even the darkest of situations. When he was out wandering the city streets alone, he would always think to himself, at least I'm alive. Whenever another person kicked him back out into the scary world, he would think, at least I'm not in the pound. But now, no matter how hard he tried to, Kyungsoo couldn't think of an at least. To him, there seemed to be no bright side to questioning whether Jongin really loved him.

"Do you want to watch the new episode of Pororo, Soo?" Jongin asked as he cleaned up from lunch, glancing over his shoulder at the boy, who was sitting on the couch in the living room with his legs glued together and his hands placed neatly in his lap. "I think it's on now."

Kyungsoo, with his lips shut, turned to Jongin, forged a smile and nodded. "Okay, Jongin," he said, his response brief and to the point like they had been for the past several days, Jongin noticed. He knew from past experiences that whenever Kyungsoo got quiet, there was something wrong.

The only difference was that this time, he had an idea of why.

Once he finished drying his hands off with it, Jongin folded up the dishrag and hung back up on the handle of the stove, taking himself over to the living succeeding that. 

"Hey," he said as he moved a pillow aside and sat next to his boyfriend, who looked at him with those same big eyes, "are you feeling well? I've noticed that you seem a bit off lately."

"No, Jongin, I am fine." Kyungsoo shook his head and faked out another smile, lying yet again to cover up his true feelings. "I did not mean to worry you. I am sorry."

"Soo, don't be sorry," Jongin said, placing a gentle on hand on the younger's arm. "You're sorry too much, even when something isn't your fault."

Kyungsoo smiled sheepishly. "I am sorry," he said meekly, his cheeks flushed red and his head dropped a little. Jongin, after laughing to himself, picked up Kyungsoo's face with his hands and kissed his lips. 

As he moved his lips against Jongin's, Kyungsoo clenched his eyes shut, trying to push back his tears. He would miss the warm kisses Jongin gave him.

Jongin turned on the television and stopped searching the channels when he found Pororo, setting the remote down once the show started playing. A smile would sprout on Kyungsoo's lips when he would laugh at something funny Pororo said or something funny Krong did. 

He really loved Pororo and his friends. He often wished that Pororo's friends were his friends. They always seemed to be close and whenever they got into a fight, he could be assured that they would make up by the time the episode was over. Kyungsoo often pretended that he lived in Pororo's world because he thought it was always happy there. 

But it was beginning to dawn on him that maybe there was no such thing as a happy place, even in the imaginary world.

As Jongin watched him, the more concerned and paranoid he became. Had he overheard his conversation with Taemin a few days ago? If he did, he needed to clear things up because he knew he would easily misunderstand it and think it meant Jongin didn't want him around. 

By the time the episode was over, Kyungsoo realized Jongin was watching him and turned him, his face falling slightly when he saw his concerned expression. "Is something wrong, Jongin? Are you sad?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine," Jongin said, smiling faintly as he shook his head. "But you aren't." Kyungsoo exhaled guiltily and was about to make up another lie before Jongin cut him off. "You don't have to lie to me. I'm not mad at you and I won't get mad. I just know want to know what you're thinking about." 

Kyungsoo dropped his head and sighed, still not sure if he wanted to tell the truth to Jongin. It would be better than just running away without him knowing, but he knew that if he told him the real reason, he would be sad and he didn't want to make Jongin sad. 

However, either way, someone would end up in tears and Kyungsoo knew this all too well.

"I..." he started weakly, finally able to pick his head up and meet eyes with him. "I heard what you said to Taemin hyung, Jongin," Kyungsoo said quietly, trying not to let the fact that his heart was tearing in half at that very second show. Jongin's breath stopped for a moment and so did his heart.

"Kyungsoo, I--"

"No, it is okay," Kyungsoo said, cutting him off with another faint smile and shake of his head. "You do not need to explain, Jongin, I understand. I know you do not want me around forever and I am okay with that." Jongin could see the hurt swelling in the younger's eyes, contradicting the strong front he was trying to put on. "I have always been ready for people to leave me after a while. Normal people just do not want to be with someone screwed up like me for a long time."

"No, don't say that, baby," Jongin said, taking his hands in his. "You aren't screwed up. You're perfect and I wouldn't want to be with anyone but you." Kyungsoo just gazed at him, his eyes rimming with tears. Exhaling, Jongin glanced down for a moment and then continued. "I've just been with a lot of bad people before and now I'm scared to open to anyone else. But you make me want to try to."

Kyungsoo just smiled. "You are a very kind man, Jongin, and I will always love you for that," he started. "But I do not think it should be this hard for you to love me the way I love you and I know it is because of my curse. My mother always said that you have to be willing to let the people you love most go if that is what they need to be happy." Tears piled into Jongin's eyes as Kyungsoo held his hands tight. "I love you, Jongin, and I want you to be happy because nice men like you deserve to be happy. I could not live with myself if I knew that you were not happy because of me."

"But I am happy," Jongin said, attempting to smile for Kyungsoo. "I'm happy with you."

Kyungsoo tried to smile, but instead, a couple of tears fell from his eyes. "I still think it is best if I go..." Kyungsoo's head fell and his voice trailed off for a moment before he connected eyes with the elder once again. He sniffled and removed his hands from Jongin's as he stood up. "Maybe once I figure out how to break this curse, I will find you again."

"No, Kyungsoo, please," Jongin pleaded as he got to his feet as well, the sight of his salty tears only making Kyungsoo's heart break even more. "I'm sorry for what I said before. I'll make it up to you. Just please...don't go."

"I have to Jongin," Kyungsoo said sadly. "I have to do this for myself and for you." A shaky breath exited Jongin's mouth; he didn't know what else to say to make him stay. Stifling a smile again, Kyungsoo leaned up on his tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Jongin's cheek, wrapping his arms around his neck in a loose hug afterward. "You are a very nice man, Jongin," Kyungsoo whispered in trembling voice. "Please be happy." 

He pulled back to see even more tears in Jongin's eyes, which were now settled on the rims of his eyes, and he felt awful for making the man he loved cry. But this was for the best; this was the only way for Jongin to be truly happy.

As he made his way over to the door, Kyungsoo tried to hold in his own tears. "Kyungsoo," Jongin said as he followed him, his voice shaking so badly now that it made him in his tracks. Slowly, he looked over his shoulder and at Jongin with wet eyes. "Please...don't do this." Shutting his eyes, Kyungsoo inhaled a quivering and rocky breath.

"I love you, Jongin," he said, tightening his grip on the doorknob. Then, before he could let his heart take control, Kyungsoo opened the door and walked out, leaving Jongin all alone.

A/N

I was lowkey making myself tear up with this, which I didn't think would happen...still trying to figure out if that's a good thing or a bad thing lol. 

Thank you guys for reading and voting and commenting and all that wonderful stuff you do! I really am appreciative of it! Much love xoxoxoxo