Sad Girl

thirty five - because I love you

Song of the Chapter: As You Are - The Weeknd

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CAMRYN's POV

I've seen Jackie countless times since Monday when Swathi told me she was the one who invaded my phone and blocked JC's number.

But for some reason, the things I have talked to her about are nowhere near sounding like: "Hey, Jackie. I heard you blocked JC's number from my phone. Would you care to explain?"

In fact, I'm starting not to care as much. Sure, she went behind my back and did something awful, but I've learned something from it: never give anyone your phone password.

"So, I'm thinking of becoming a vegan," Jackie tells me. I'm on my way to lunch, while she's on her way to math class. We see each other in the hallway usually, so we walk together. She does most of the talking.

My mind was clearly somewhere else, due to my delayed response. Jackie stared at me expectantly.

"Don't you think that's a pretty big step?" I ask her. I'd never even think about going vegan, although it would probably save me from my belly rolls and thunder thighs. And it would save some cute little animals too.

"I know, but I've been really thinking about it. I know what I have to give up. I've already been restricting myself," she tells me. "I'm starting to realize how revolting consuming and using animals really is."

She seems very confident about her pending decision, and I admire her for it. I just hope she won't start attacking non-vegans.

"Just look at those boots," Jackie says, subtly pointing at a group of girls walking in front of us. Every single one of them had straight blonde hair, thin bodies, fake tanned skin, and Ugg boots on. "First of all, it's April. Ugg boot season is over. And second of all, think of those poor animals that were used to keep those girls in style." She shakes her head. "It's a shame that no one cares."

I don't say anything. I just hold on to my backpack straps and think about my own Uggs sitting in my closet at home. It's funny how when I'm thinking of how I hope she won't go attacking non-vegans, she does it.

I don't want to talk about veganism anymore. I want to bring up her snooping through my phone, but I'm pretty sure it's too late. We were approaching her math class, and the bell was going to ring in a minute.

Once we reached her classroom, I waved at Sam and Caroline, but only Caroline waved back. Sam was deep in thought, looking down at a notebook on her desk. I try to suppress my frown as Jackie slips into class and plops down next to Caroline.

Afterwards, I proceed to the cafeteria. At first, I think about how badly I want to go home. Being in my bed sounds really great right now, and I had about four hours until I got to go home.

Maybe I could call my mom and have her pick me up early, I think to myself. Nah, I don't want to bother her at work.

Then, I remember that I still haven't talked to Swathi since she stormed away from the lunch table the other day. I realize that today, I only have her in my lunch, and I can't sit with her.

I mean, I also had JC and Bryce, but I don't want to be around JC anymore and Bryce and I kind of drifted apart. I can't sit with either of them.

My heartbeat accelerates as I'm walking closer and closer to the cafeteria. I look around at the people walking along with me, engaged in conversations with their loud voices. Although they don't notice me, I feel like they know I'll make a complete fool of myself sitting alone at lunch. I feel like they can see right through me. I try to act as if everything is fine.