Adam's POV:
I'm pretending to sleep. I don't want Sauli to worry about me even more. He fell asleep around 5 hours ago; I'm still staring at the ceiling in the dark. So many thoughts are keeping me awake.
It was just one moment, one second, that changed my whole life. I lost one of the most important things in my life: my voice. And with losing my voice I have no job anymore, my career is going to break down. I'm going to lose my fans, because I have to cancel my whole tour and all the members of my band will lose their job, too.
Right now I feel like I've lost one part of me. Like one part of me is quietly dieing inside of me... but although I lost so much, I still have the most important thing in my life. Actually it's a person, not a thing. It's my boyfriend.
All I want is him to be happy. My heart broke, when I saw him crying at the hospital because of me. Of course losing my voice in an accident is not my fault, but that moment it felt like it was. I can't stand seeing him so sad. I want him to be happy. Happy with me.
That's why I pretended to be fine the whole day. I faked a smile evertime he talked to me, I pretended to sleep at night. I don't know, whether he actually knows, what's really going on with me, that the accident messed up my entire life. That I'm broken.
Even our communication broke down. The worst thing is, that I'm not sure, whether this will last forever. Not even the doctor knows. I hate this uncertainty! It makes me so sad and upset. I feel the need of crying getting stronger every second until I can't hold my tears back anymore. I feel them running down my face quietly. I try to stay as quiet as I could; the last thing I want is Sauli waking up and seeing me like this.
But my crying became harder. More and more tears are streaming down my face. Maybe it's better to leave the room. I decide to go on my balcony, I need some fresh air anyway. I get up from the bed as quiet as I could, take the few steps to the balcony door and get outside.
It was a bit cold and I'm only wearing boxers, but who cares? I let out a few more tears with a loud sob. I look up to the sky, watching the moon and the stars, distracting me from thinking. I try to stop crying, but I just can't help it. I feel horrible. Exhausted, despairing, helpless...
Suddenly I hear a noise behind me.
"Adam?"
It was Sauli. Who else? I immediately turn me head away.
Sauli's POV:
I woke up, because Adam wasn't there. I didn't hear him getting up or something, I just kind of felt, that he was missing. I found him on the balcony.
When he hears me saying his name, he turns his head away, but I've already seen his tears.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
Then I realize how dumb this question was. What's wrong? Nothing. He just almost died the day before yesterday and lost his voice. That's all.
I don't know what to say. It wouldn't help him anyway. I feel so bad.
Adam is still crying, staring into the darkness in front of him. I've never seen him like that. I feel so sorry for him. Now I know he was just pretending to be okay the whole day. He's not okay at all! He didn't want to cry in front of me, so he does it at night.
"Adam.... I'm so sorry!", I say although I know that none of the things that happened were my fault.
I try to look into his eyes by lifting up his chin, but he turns his head away again.
"You can cry in front of me. It's okay! Hey, please look a me!"
This time he really turns around and stares directly into my eyes.
Can you read the look that's on my face?
The deep sadness in his eyes makes me feel even more sorry.
His eyes are looking at me, like they were saying: hold me, just hold me for a sec!
That's what I do. I hug my boyfriend as tight as I could. I want to show him, that he's not alone, that I'm here for him. Always! His sobs become less until he stops crying completely. I realize, that his whole body is shaking instead. How long has he been out here? He's so cold!
"I'll be right back!"
I come back with a blanket I brought from inside. I also brought Adam's phone.
I make him sit next to me on the bench on our balcony, wrapping the blanket around us. For a moment it was silent; we're both staring at the horizon, where the sun slowly comes up again.
"What are you thinking about?"
Adam grabs his phone and types something in for me. Then he hands me his phone.
If I had died in the accident, would you still know that I love you?
"Baby... of course I would!"
He takes his phone back and writes:
Good. Because I may never have the chance to say 'I love you' again
A tear rolls out of his eye. I wipe it away.
"Adam, I don't care about that. I know you love me and I love you, too! In addition, you can still show it to me!"
I smile at him, trying to comfort him. Adam smiles back, takes my hand and we both stand up. Still holding my hands he gave me a long passionate kiss. How I missed the sweet taste of his lips!
We don't need any words to express our feelings, our love. That's what body language is good for!
"I love you so much!" I whisper before I grab Adam's neck and softly kiss him again.
