Adam's POV:
He's kissing me although I told him not to. What am I going to do now? It's just a kiss, Adam! Right. But I don't want any kisses now. I want to be alone and cry with the hope to feel better in the aftermath. I really thought Sauli knows that now, but obviously he doesn't! I don't want to make him mad by pushing him away though, so I just let him kiss me for now. I can handle one kiss. I shyly return it and part my lips to let Sauli's tongue in. When we run out of air I pull away and was just about to think of a way to tell Sauli, that it's enough now, when I feel his lips on mine again. This time his kisses were harder, like if Sauli was an animal which hasn't eaten for a month. Come on, I just didn't kiss him for a week, jeez. When he takes my tshirt off I begin to feel uncomfortable.
I don't want to do this, did he forget? I want him to stop!
Just as I want to push Sauli away, he pushes me on the matress and I can't move under his body anymore. He pins my hands on the cussion above my head, not breaking the kiss. In between our kisses I want to shout 'let me go', but I can't, so I just stare into Sauli's eyes and hope he realizes that I don't want to continue. But Sauli doesn't even look into my eyes. I've stopped moving my lips in order to make him stop, but he was already busy with kissing down my jawline, not letting off my hands. I feel his boner on my thigh, my own is growing too, I can't do anything against that. It's not a sign that I like what Sauli's doing though.
Suddenly Sauli rips down my boxers, grabs my length and stroke it a few times. I can tell he was just about to take it in his mouth, when I rise my right hand and slap his face. I know I could just have pushed him away, but that moment I didn't think, I just wanted to end it.
It takes Sauli a moment until he realizes what just happened. He looks at me shocked, his jaw drops open. I sit up and cover my mouth with my hand.
I've just slapped my boyfriend!
Sauli shakes his head.
"Why, Adam?"
I take my clothes back on quickly and sit down on the bed with my legs pulled to my chest, ignoring Sauli's question.
"Don't ignore me! Why did you do that? I... I thought you...."
He lost his words. I sigh and reach out for my phone to type in:
I told you I'm not ready to do anything like that
I throw the phone, Sauli catchs it and reads.
"That's not a reason to slap your boyfriend!?"
He sighs and hands me my phone back. I think for a moment. Of course it's not okay to slap him, but I didn't know what else I should have done. I don't want to make Sauli more upset than he already is, so I decide to just apologize.
Sorry for slapping you. I didn't mean to hurt you, I just wanted you to stop doing things you actually knew I didn't want to do
After Sauli has read it he thinks for a while, then says:
"I know I shouldn't have done that. But you've changed so much after the accident and I missed those things, because I love you."
He stops talking, comes a few steps closer and looks straight into my eyes. Then he continues:
"I just didn't know what to do anymore. I'm really trying to make life as comfortable as possible for you, but you're not giving anything to me. It seems like you don't even want to spend time with me! I honestly don't know how our relationship is gonna work if we go on like this."
These words hit me hard. What's that supposed to mean? Will Sauli break up with me? He can't, he's everything I have! I feel my eyes watering.
"Don't cry, I'm not going to break up with you. I just hope you can understand how I feel now", Sauli says rough.
To be honest, I can't really understand him. I type in my phone:
I really thought you'd love me just as who I am and with all my mistakes. Sorry I didn't know how important sex is in our relationship
I give my phone to Sauli and after he's read, he got kinda upset.
"Adam, this is not about sex!? And I do love you, no matter what!"
I feel anger and sadness at the same time. I rip the phone out of Sauli's hand and type some words in. A tear runs down my cheek, when I hand him the phone again.
If you'd love me, you'd respect me and my decisions and not forcing me to do things I don't wanna do!
"I'm not forcing you to do anything, I was just trying to help you, but you're so depressed and stubborn I think that's not even possible."
Wow, applause, he finally gets that nobody can help me. Can't everyone just leave me alone?
I shrug and want to have my phone back, but Sauli keeps it.
"I really don't want to argue any longer, can we please just go to bed and pretend everything's fine?"
I nod and we both lay down in bed, Sauli switches the light off.
"Good night, I love you. Remember that!"
After Sauli's words everything was silent. I don't reply in any way. I just turn around and try to find some sleep.
