Sauli's POV:
What have I done? I've broken the heart of the man I love -more than anything else-, just by making a stupid mistake! Adam trusted me and I destroyed everything. He's never going to believe anything I'll say again. He won't believe me that I love him, that I always loved him. I'm going to lose him. The thought of losing him hurts so bad! It's like my heart was being stabbed, like someone ripped it out and broke it into a million pieces. That's exactly what I'm feeling right now.
Why had I been so dumb? So dumb! It's my fault. Everything is my fault! I destroyed my boyfriend's life and my own at the same time. What the hell was I thinking? Nothing, you were drunk. The fact that Gabe and I had been drinking isn't helping me though. It's still my mistake. I should have stopped things. I kept going on and ended up fucking a man I don't even have feelings for instead. Great job, Sauli!
I'm so fucking mad at myself! My tears are running down like a waterfall, there's no way to stop them.
Another thing comes in my mind: Adam can talk again! Usually that would be great news; it is, but none of us seems to be happy. Adam is probably a heartbroken mess and I... I just hate myself!
Usually Adam and I would talk now. I'm sure he'd have so much to explain after a while of being mute. But now he doesn't want to talk to me. He doesn't even want to see me. He ran upstairs without saying a word after telling me, how much I hurt him. I know how much I hurt him! And I'm honestly so sorry! I have to do something, we can't end up like this!
So I after some minutes I run upstairs and knock at the bedroom door.
"Go away!", I hear my boyfriend sobbing from inside.
"Adam, can we please talk? I want to clear things up!"
Adam doesn't respond, so I try to get into the room. The door is locked. I knock again.
"Adam, please open the door!"
"Whataya want from me? There's nothing left to talk about! Just leave! Slut!"
I feel my eyes watering again. Will he ever forgive me? Doesn't seem so....
I lean my hands and my forehead against the door, crying loudly. I can't help it. He's right. I'm a slut. I can never make amends...
Adam's POV:
It's still so hard to realize, what Sauli did to me. I never knew it was even possible to be hurt like that. He was my everything, the love of my life! At least that's what I thought. Well, obviously I'm not good enough for him.
He keeps apologizing in front of the locked bedroom, but I'm not sure, if I can believe him. I cannot trust him anymore! He wants to talk about what happened, wants to 'clear up things', but I don't want to, I just want to be alone. I've been alone in depression for so many days and now when I have my voice back, it should change. But it's worse now. Sauli made it worse. And that's what I tell him. Or better: I yell at him. I yell that he should go away and I call him a slut. Sauli deserves it. I hate yelling at people, I hate to fight. Usually I'm not like that.
I'm standing in front of the bedroom door, I can hear Sauli crying on the other side. Okay, maybe I am a little bit sorry for him, maybe he said the truth. As I said before, I don't know, whether I can trust him anymore. Moreover he should know that he did something wrong and how disappointed I am in him.
I turn around and lean my back against the door, then slowly sliding down. The tears are starting to run again. I don't know, whether I can forgive Sauli...
Although a miracle happened and I got my voice back, it feels like the most horrible day in my life. I've never felt miserable like that. I never knew I would feel miserable because of something my boyfriend did. The love of my life.... maybe I was wrong the whole time....
I wake up about three hours later. I must have been fallen asleep on the floor, with my back still leaning against the door. The first thing I hear when I wake up is Sauli's quite sobbing noises from the other side of the door. Is he crying again? Or did he keep crying for the whole night?! I look at the clock. 5:00 am.
I don't feel like sleeping again. So I stand up and walk around in circles. I stop in front of the window watching the sunrise through the blinds. The lights are so beautiful....
I'm hungry, but I don't want to leave the room, Sauli is out there. I know we have to talk. I don't even know if we're still a couple. I didn't break up with him. I don't know if I can... he hurt me so much..... I think I'll just wait a few days and then decide what to do.
