I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Susanna (@sweetheart_kitty) because she read the whole story until now and liked and commented every single chapter. Thank you soo much dear!!💖
Adam's POV:
After half an hour I'm so hungry, that I have to leave the bedroom to get some food. I open the door slowly and carefully, because I expect Sauli to be behind it. I'm right; he's lying on the floor in front of the bedroom, sleeping. He looks horrible. His eyes are red and swollen, I think he really had been crying all night. I watch my boyfriend for a few seconds, then turn around and want to go downstairs, when I hear his weak voice behind me.
"Adam.... don't go... please!"
I turn around and look into his tired and exhausted face. I can't say anything, I just don't know what to say. I'm so disappointed in him, that's all I can think about right now. So I just turn around again and walk downstairs like nothing happened.
I make my breakfast and decide to eat on the sofa. After I sit down I see a sheet of paper lying on the table. I grab it and read it.
I love you, even if it doesn't seem so sometimes. I love you no matter what you've done or what happened. And I believe you, that you love me. I trust you.
I remember I wrote this when Sauli wasn't sure if I still love him. I did. I always did. Now things changed. I'm the one who is not sure about the others feelings. Does Sauli still love me? I trusted him. Now I can't trust him anymore. I rip the note in two pieces and throw them on the floor.
After I have eaten I decide to go running. Actually Sauli is the sporty one here, but I really feel the need to run right now. And to think. Although thinking is the thing I'd been doing the entire last two weeks. I already have jogging pants and a tshirt on, so I just go to search for my trainers in the hall. As I find them I put them on and then stand up. Before I leave the house I turn around once again and see Sauli coming down the stairs. Although I'm standing a few metres away I can clearly see the deep sadness in his eyes.
"Where are you going?" He asks quietly.
"Why do you even care?" I reply annoyed.
"Because I...."
"Just drop it, Sauli!" I shout and leave, slamming the front door behind me.
Okay that was mean. I didn't even give him a chance to explain. I wonder what he wanted to say.
I run down the street and then take the way into a small forest. Suddenly I have a flashback. I see me walking in on my boyfriend fucking this other guy. My whole world broke down in that moment. I expected everything to happen but that! I run faster. Then I imagine Sauli crying in front of the bedroom door. He regrets what he has done, I'm sure he does! He had been awake all night and crying because I was yelling at him!
Suddenly I see everything different. Sauli and the guy had been drinking. At least that's what he told me. He didn't do it on purpose, he would never do that. And... wait, maybe it's my fault, too. I'd been so uptight and not letting him kiss or even touch me. That's weird. Why haven't I realized earlier how weird I've been acting? Yeah, I was depressed, but not letting people touch you really IS weird.
Not everything is Sauli's fault. I was the one yelling at him, I didn't let him explain, I locked myself in the bedroom, not letting him in. I called him a slut when he just wanted to apologize.
All the time I was just thinking about what HE has done wrong. Now I realize how many mistakes I've actually made. I'd been acting so selfish! I don't even want to know how Sauli is feeling right now. For sure he regrets everything he has done and I made everything worse by not listening to him. If I were him I would have done the same. I would try to explain and apologize over and over again. Like Sauli did. I would fight for my boyfriend. Sauli does. I'm the problem, I have to give him a second chance. He deserves it! Maybe we could really try and... start over again?
Sauli's POV:
Adam is still very mad at me, although I keep apologizing for what I've done. He's so stubborn and it's so rude of him to not letting me explain. I can understand him though. It's my fault, I did everything wrong! And I honestly don't know, what else I could do. How I could get my boyfriend back. If that's still possible...
I want everything to be like it was before the accident! That damn accident turned my and Adam's life in a nightmare. And even though Adam has his voice back, it's still a nightmare.
Adam left the house a few minutes ago. I have no idea where he wanted to go. I want him to be here. I want him to let me talk to him.
I walk into the living room and want to sit down on the sofa when I realize, something lying on the floor.
