Sauli's POV:
Adam has been acting more and more weird last days. He doesn't want to do anything. I try to help him, to comfort him, but it always seems like he doesn't even want me to. I'm so worried about him! The accident has changed him completely.
I don't know how to help him anymore. And I'm really trying my best! I cook his favourite food, but he doesn't even want to eat. I invited him for a shopping day, but he didn't want to go out. So I went alone and brought him some new movies that he could be interested in. I thought Adam would be happy about it, but I was wrong. He only pretended to be happy. As always. That's slowly getting on my nerves...
Yesterday evening Adam didn't even want to watch a movie with me. That's really weird, we watch a movie EVERY evening! That's one of the only things we can do together without getting bored. and without talking. I always enjoy it, because I can lie in Adam's arms and forget everything else. I can just be near him. And cancelling or movie evening made me kind of missing him. I miss the old Adam, who used to cuddle with me every night, who laughed with me.
It hurts me, how Adam's avoiding me. I understand he wants to be alone sometimes, but not all the time! He haven't even kissed me good night yesterday. When was the last time he actually kissed me? I think the night when he was crying on the balcony. That's about more than a week ago! Way too long. I miss making out with my boyfriend. Of course I'm not the type who's obsessed with sex or something, I just want Adam to be near me again. And I'm sure some kisses wouldn't be bad for him. Maybe that's a thing he needs now.
Adam is still sleeping. How can he sleep that long? He also goes to bed early. I've already had breakfast, so I sit down on the sofa and switch on the TV. Half an hour later Adam walkes in, fully dressed.
"Baby, you got up finally! Do you feel like having breakfast today?"
Adam shakes his head. Okay, he's not going to eat. Again. I sigh.
"All right, I won't force you to. But remember it's not healthy at all."
Adam doesn't even nod or look at me. He's standing in front of the window and looking out, with his back turned towards me. I walk over to him quietly, until I'm standing behind him. I put my arms around him and kiss his neck softly. Adam does nothing but standing there. My kisses got more intense. Come on, why isn't he showing any reaction? I know he likes what I'm doing! He just needs to get in the mood...
Adam takes my hand away, which was about to explore his chest. Then he takes a few steps away from me. What did I do wrong again?
"What's the matter with you? You used to like that!"
Adam shrugs and walkes towards the door. I follow him and grab his hand.
"Hey... I'm sorry. I was just wondering why you don't want to kiss me anymore. Did I make a mistake? If so please tell me, because I just want to help you!"
Adam takes out his phone, types something in and shows it to me:
I know. You did nothing wrong. I'm just not in the mood for...this
I sigh. No kisses today. I hope he'll change his mind later.
***
In the evening Adam wanted to go to bed early, because he is tired. I wonder if that's the truth. After we went to bed I ask him. Adam searches for his phone to answer me. He probably forgot it downstairs, so I hand him my iPad and he writes:
I didn't sleep well last night, I had a nightmare.
"Why didn't you wake me?" I want to know.
I didn't want to bother you in the middle of the night.
"Adam, you never bother me. Promise me you'll wake me next time."
Adam nods. "So, what happened in that nightmare?"
You died in our car accident. I'm glad it was just a dream, losing you would be the worst thing, that could ever happen in my life.
"Awwh..." I have no words for that. I feel sorry that Adam has such bad dreams. I know that he hates nightmares and so do I. Fortunately I haven't dreamed about the accident yet.
"I want you to know, that I'm here for you. Always, even in the middle of the night. I hope you can finally sleep well tonight. Wanna cuddle?"
Adam shakes his head. I sigh. He doesn't even want to cuddle?! Okay, I guess today is just not his day. I watch Adam typing something on the iPad
Please don't get me wrong. I love you. I just need a little more time for myself, okay? I hope you can understand that.
I fake a smile and try to not show, how disappointed I am. "Sure", I answer. Adam kisses my cheek (at least), then lays down, turns away and falls asleep after a few minutes.
