Lost finding yourself

Chapter 15: Surviving on Thin Happiness.

        I slam my bedroom door closed. Mad and irritated and annoyed.  I face plant into my pillow and shut my eyes. "Koi hunny? Are you alright? I heard the door slam. And your home from school quite early." I let out a sigh, "Yes mom. Im fine. People are retarded. I left school." The house went silent until footsteps come dotting up the stairs. A knock on my door happens and I roll outta bed. I unlock my door to find a Sam.  "Hi." she says.  "You left?" Sam walks in and takes a seat on my beanbag. "Of course I chased after you,  I just stopped to talk to Ryan." I face plant back on my bed. "D.J is retarded." I murmur from my pillow.  "I know. "
     "I heard you and his conversation." Sam glances up from her phone. "Did you now?" I sit up on the bed. "Ya I did.  That's why he lied." Sam nodded,  "Ya i realize this." I bring my knees to my chest.  "Are we gonna tell Gabe?" Sam slams her phone down.  "We? Um no.  You have to tell Gabe.  He's your boyfriend." I shoot her a mean look.  "He's your best friend and he was our best friend when we weren't together. I can't just tell him myself,  Sam. " I'm getting really annoyed with this discussion. "You saw him." She snips. "Wow your not gonna tell him with me?" I'm real annoyed now.  Sam steps up to the door and places her hand on the knob. "You can't always have people hold your hand through everything. Especially with your boyfriend Sequoia." She walks out my room and slams the door behind. 
     I throw a frame at the door and scream.  "I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE HER! FUUUUUCK!! " I punch my door a few good times and slide down and place my face to my knees and begin to cry. Im so done with ignorant people it's making me insane. "I fucking hate myself." I whisper to myself. "Wish I could of died, not Danny."
      I decided to treat myself for some coffee and a walk through the park, I'm gonna clear my head before I go insane. I clean off my drowning mascara and eyeliner and apply a new layer of each, grab my keys and head down stairs. "Mom, I'm leaving!" I call out and shut the door behind me.
      Driving through our small town was peaceful when all the idiototic morons are still at school. I pull over to my favorite starbucks and turn off my engine. I sit there for a minute to breath and calm myself a little better. Once i feel as if I'm a little calmer I walk inside. As soon as i step into the door I see the exact person I've been waiting to see all day! Ha not.
    "Oh! Uh, Koi, what are you doing here?" His voice was as deep as it was two summers ago. Eyes just as blue and smile just as seductive as always. Cameron Trim, my ex boyfriend who cheated on me twice. My dumb ass my stupid enough to go to him after the first time. What a joke. "I'm just here to get coffee." The words barley slip out of my mouth. "An iced carmel moca to be exact." Cameron smiles and places my order down. "It'll be $3.50 and an opportunity to catch up with an old friend?"
     I almost loose my breathing ability when he said that. "Look, Cameron," I begin saying as im trying to dig 50 cents out of my purse. "That's really sweet and all, but uh, fuck i thought i had a quorter, but uh, some other time." I manage to pull out 50 cents by the time my moca is done. "It was good seeing you." He say as i grab my moca. I nod my head and walk out.
    I get back to my car to only realize i left my phone siting on the passenger seat, usally I'm not populare and no one calls me but for some fucked reason today i have 6 missed calls in the matter of hmm, 5 minutes? I slam my door shut and back out of the parking lot. I don't even wanna go on a walk anymore.
       I turn my radio up all the way and i find myself driving outta town. The next town over is even smaller and more dead then this town. I drive down an old dirt road and pull up to an abandon park. I put my car in park and get out. The sun went down and so did the heat, it was a little chilly out and I've been gone for a few hours. My drive consisted of a good hour.
      I make my way to the old rusty swing set sam, gabe, and i would play on during the weekends when Gabe lived out here. Those days were simple I didnt have to worry about us not being friends or any of us fucking or dating or anything. The days were I had a broke wrist and not a broken heart, where I cried over not getting a swing, not a relationship. Man if i could go back to those days, I would.
      The skys turned to more of a darkish tint and the air grew colder. I wasnt ready to go home yet, wasnt ready to be around reality. I wanted peace and home wasnt the place for that. I stood up off the swing that i was sitting on for what felt like years and made my way to my car. I turned the bitch on and drove home.
       The bright rays of the sun blinded me through my window. I stretched out my thin legs and threw the blankets off of me. I threw my tiny green blanket over my sholders, grabbed my phone and made my way towards the kitchen. I didn't get home until extreamly late last night, about 2 i arived in the driveway. My house was quite, mom was at work and i was home alone.
      After pouring my bowl of Trix I sat on the couch and watched a couple episodes of South Park. Before I even knew it, it was 12:30 and I still remained in pjs. I washed out my bowl and headed up to my shower. As i opened my bedroom door i heard rocks quietly hitting my window, loud enough for me to hear it. I poke my head out ny window to find Gabe standing there with a smile. "What are you doing down there?" I call from my room. "I wanted to take to breakfast." I smile quiltily because I just ate. "I just ate, tomorrow tho? Or maybe lunch?" I try to let a smile out but my lips just kinda crack. "Ya, lunch. Can I come up?" He sounds so disapointed. "Of course, I'll unlock the door."
      I dot back down my stairs to let Gabe in. My unlock the top lock and open my door. Gabe walks in and i lock the door and head back upstairs. "I was about to shower if you don't mind." I inform him while looking through my shirts. "Oh no, not at all." Gabe takes a seat on my bed next to my outfit and stares at me. "What do you think? This grey tank top or this white crop top?" I hold out both the options in front of Gabes face. "You'll look cute in whatever." I place my hands on my hips and glare at him. "You know i hate that answer." I whine. Gabe walks over to me and cups my face in his hands. "Fine, the grey tank top." He plants a kiss on my forhead and I wrap him in a hug. "I'm sorry about yesterday." I mubble in his chest. He pulls me closer to him, "You dont need to be sorry about it Koi, I'm just glad I have you or I don't think i could of handled it." I smile cheekishly and crash my lips into his.
       I turn the water on full hot and let the heat drip down my icey body. My room is always so cold and yet I still sleep in shorts. Each watter droplet rolls down ny body at a pace which seems slow, the steam rises to the celining as I reach for the shampoo.
      After about a good 15 minutes I turn off the water and step out. The air is warm in the bathroom and all my mirros are covered in fog. I dry my body off and slide into my favortie black panties,  hook up my bra and step out. I've always left my outfit outside of rhe bathroom because i hate the chance of it getting wrinkled. Gabe was curled up watching some Family Guy on my T.V. "Well, hello sexy." Gabe says as turned his attention towards me. "Oh hush it, you've seen me naked before." I hiss at me whule sliding into my jeans and tank top. "Yea but how could i keep quiet when your so beautiful?" He smirks. I walk over to my dresser to apply my daily dosage of makeup.