Lost finding yourself

Chapter 11: Never Ending Storm?

~3 am of the previous chapter, or night.:)

The sound of the fire-pit is the only thing I can hear. Laying down in the living room with Gabe on the other side of me and Sam on the other couch, it's silent. The sound of the rain drops on the rooftop and thunder every once and a while. Peaceful. All so peaceful. I lie there awake at 3 am in the morning dreading the thought of wanting to kiss Gabe again, of wanting to be with Gabe and D.J at the same time. Gabe's arm wrapped around me makes everything a little better. I just wanna turn around with my face to his and our noses touching and us slowly leaning in until our lips meet, but if that ever happens again I need to break up with D.J. These thoughts are the type of thoughts that every teenage girl hates to deal with.

"Koi? Are you awake?" I hear a whisper come from the couch. "Unfortunately" I sit up, just enough not to wake Gabe, but to hear Sam. "How long have you been up?" I look down at my phone. "About.... All night." I see Sam start to sit up like we were gonna have one of our midnight talks like we used to. "Why are you cuddling with Gabe? I mean it was different when we were little, but now you have a boyfriend. Don't you think that'll make him upset?" I look at Sam, speechless, and shocked. "I-I-I, I don't know." Lie. I do know. I bite my lower lip because I hate lying to Sam or to anyone honestly. "Sammy, I-I-I kissed Gabe." Her jaw drops, drops almost to the ground. "When?" I sallow real hard. "Today, before you came over, right after you texted." Sam's still in shock. Her jaw is still dropped and her eyes are still widen. "Please don't tell D.J."I nearly whisper. "Does Gabe know about D.J?" I nod my head, to upset to speak. "You can't keep it from him Sequoia." I glance up from my lap. "What he doesn't know, won't hurt him, right?" She shakes her head in disagreement.

"Rise and shine kiddies!" My mom says jogging her way down the stairs. It's still pouring so I have no idea why in the world she'd be so happy. "What time is it?" I ask poking my head up from the blanket. "About 9!" I groan and lay my head back down. No. I refuse to wake up this early. I snuggle into Gabe's grip and try to fall back asleep. Mom's in the kitchen about to make breakfast. Great.

I try my best to block out the sound of dishes clacking and water running. I make Gabe's grip a lot tighter by grabbing his arm that's around me. I lay there with my eyes closed and just ignored the sounds.

"Sequoia, you should get up. It's almost 2." The sound of that soothing voice will always make me wanna get up. "Mmmmm. No." I lay there joking around with him. "I'll tickle you." He states and puts his hand my side about to attack. "NO!!" I yell and jump up off the couch. Gabe lays there with a grin. "You thought I would actually tickle you?" I frown and lay back down. "Where's Sam and mom?" I stretch my arms and legs. "They went to the store while the storm is low, they've been gone for a while now. I even went to check in." I let out a yawn and look over at Gabe. "We kissed." He says to me. "I know we did." My voice almost cracked but it didn't. "I kinda wanna do it again." Gabe said straight forwardly. Gabe has always been known for being extremely straight forward. I smile and lean up and he starts to lean down until our lips meet. Here we are again, making out, with my best friend.

I hear keys unlock the door, but we were to into it to stop. As I hear the door open I pull away and look up to see no other than D.J standing in the doorway with Sam and my mom. D.J who was standing there in shock with his jaw dropped. "What happen to Gabe was to much of an older brother?!" He almost yelled. "I-I" I was speechless I couldn't say anything, couldn't think straight. So I just got up off the couch and ran to up to my room. As I got to my door I threw it open, then slammed it shut. I plopped down on my bed and began to cry. With my face in the pillow I sobbed and sobbed until my pillow was drenched with tears. The rain was pounding hard and the wind was really strong. I felt as if I should just jump out this window and run. Just run until I couldn't run anymore. But instead I didn't. I layed there and cried for hours. How could I have been so stupid?

I hear footsteps coming up to my door, couldn't remark who's they were though. There was a quite two little knock upon my door, "Sequoia, hunny? Can I come in?" It was mother. "I guess." The doorknob twist open and she steps in with a plate of pizza. "Are you hungry sweetheart?" I shake my head no. She sits on the edge of my bed and puts her hand on my back. "Sweetheart, we've all made mistakes." She begins to say. "I know how long you've liked Gabe, and D.J understands that, he was just upset because you told him he was just a brother and he believed you." She rubs my back peacefully. "Gabe wants to talk to, do you want me to send him in? I won't let Sam or him leave, not in this weather. I drove D.J back home." I let a deep breath and roll over on my back. "Am I bad person?" Mom looks at me with disbelief. "No, Sweetie no, not at all hunny. It was a mistake, your father cheated on me, I forgave him, which was a mistake." She laughs. "I guess you can send Gabe in."

Mom walks out and about a minute later Gabe and Sam come running up the stairs. They enter my room softly and Gabe sits where my mom did while Sam stands above us. "How you feeling?" Sam asks as she squats down. "Feeling that I didn't feel this way." I sigh and look over at Gabe. "Sequoia, I'm sorry." Gabe only calls me by my full name when he absolutely is being 100% serious. "It's not your fault, I'm the one who has this stupid crush on you, I'm the one who could of pulled away, I'm the one who could of said NO I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO BE IN STUPID LOVE WITH YOU EVER SINCE 1st FUCKING GRADE!" By this time Sam has went down stairs because she realized we needed to talk by ourselves, nothing against her. Gabe just looks at me, shocked. "It's stupid being in love with me?" He asks with a sad look on his face. "No.. It's just stupid because you won't like me that way. You always say, ew relationships, or gross a girlfriend."

I close my eyes and try to pretend that this is a dream, but I know it's not. "I say that because I wanna be with you." I just lay there and stare at the ceiling. I hate feelings, I hate to feel things, honestly. If I had the choice I'd choose to not feel shit. "Gabe, what am I supposed to do?" I ask so desperately. "I thought my life was ok, but it's not. I almost died, I killed my brother, I lost my boyfriend, and now I feel like I'm losing you, and that can't happen!" I'm back to crying again, Gabe picks me up and place me next to him on I lay my head on his shoulder. "You'll never lose me, Koi. Never in a thousand years." I smile when I hear that. "Thank you Gabe." He smiles at me and I smile at him. "Don't worry about it."

"I love you Gabe." I whisper to him, "I love you too, Sequoia." He whispers back. "What am I gonna do about all of this?" Gabe looks at me, he always has the answers, never not once when I asked what to do he answered with I don't know. "Talk to him, tell him the truth."
~The Next Morning
It's 9 am in the morning and I've been wanting to call D.J since 6. I unlock my phone and get to his number. I click the dial button and put the phone up to my ear. It rings about once or twice before a sexy tired teenage guy voices answers.
"Hello?" His voice travels.
"D.J, can we talk?"
"I assume." He starts to sound annoyed.
"I'm sorry, for being stupid."
"Sequoia look, I already know. You've liked him forever and he came back and swept you outta my grip. I get it sweetie, theres plenty of other fish in the sea."
And then he hung up. I stared blankly at my phone. I had no idea what to think about that. I was hurt, though also relieved of how easy that was. I lay my head back into my pillow. Gabe slept down stairs last night and I don't know why. Sam left late last night because the storm was low and she was needed at the house. I didn't think it would hurt this bad to loose someone so important to you, someone you care a lot about. So I decided to text D.J
To: D.J
There may be plenty of fish in the sea but your my nemo
I placed my phone on the charge and headed down stairs. By the lack of noise I'd assume no one is awake. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a water and went to check on Gabe. I walked into the living room to see Gabe curled up in a blanket and passed out. I walk up to him and tap his shoulder. "Hey, you got room for a cuddle buddy?" Gabe peeked open one eye and scooted to where I could fit and I laid with him. Sinetly we laid there and there was not a noise in the whole world that could make me wanna get up. I always truly had feelings for Gabe, but I fell for D.J and now I've lost what I thought I had. I hate feeling this way, it really tiks me off. But I can't do anything about it, I fucked up.
I get up to go to the kitchen to get something to drink, I can't stand having a dry mouth. I open the fridge and grab a soda. I crack it open and sit at the counter. I listen outside, the rain has started to get harder and the sky has seemed to be darker. I can't believe this storm. It's crazy.