Underworld War

Chapter 36 - Reality

Have you ever felt so much pain that you went numb? That the tears didn't stain your soft cheek and no cries escaped your chapped lips anymore. The throbbing pain don't send sharp shards of glass into my heart. 

I felt like I was in the eye of a storm. Surrounded by the quietness of danger itself. I found myself standing amidst the chaos not trying to get myself out.

I remembered how much anguish I felt reading the diary my mother wrote. I skipped through pages just to find the answer to my reality. I am the daughter of the darkness and light; of Lucien and Hansel.

I am in the middle of it all.

I felt numb after reading it. The surprise, anger and pain mixed within me that I didn't know what to feel and what to do. My face was void of any emotion as I lay down on the soft sheets of my bed, my heart may be bleeding but eyes too tired to even pour out any of tears left.

Niyakap ko ang maliit na kuwaderno sa dibdib. Why does my reality have to hurt this bad? Napahawak ako sa noo at bumuntong hininga. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin matapos ang lahat ng rebelasyon ng aking ina.

I remained in my room for hours, days, until it turned to weeks. I wasn't caged nor bound, I just didn't want to face the authenticity of it all. Kapag lumabas ako dito ay haharapin ko ang ama na tinuturing na kaaway ng pinanggalingan ko.

Haharapin ko ang buhay na hindi ko man kinagisnan ay parte parin ng pagkatao ko. Hindi ko matanggap. Ni hindi ko maisip na ako ang magiging bunga ng isang kwento na itinuturing na mito. 

I simply thought that my mother was killed, and so was my father. Hindi ko inisip na buhay pa pala ang huli at namumuno sa lugar na kinamumuhian ng lahat. 

And Jersen... Who would have thought we're twins? Mas kamukha niya si Lucien and I kind of hope that I look like my mother. Fate is too cruel to me, to us. 

I peek outside of my windows and sometimes see him at the garden, specifically beside the fountain. Nakatayo lamang ito habang nakatingin sa anghel na nasa harap niya at hindi gumagalaw. 

May kumatok sa pintuan kaya natigil ako sa malalim na pag-iisip. Ito ang unang beses na may pumasok sa kwarto ko dahil walang sinuman ang nagtatangka. They let me have time for myself.

Ang pagkain ay inihahatid lamang hanggang sa labas ng pintuan. Kapag naiisip kong kumain ay kukuha ako ng mumunting piraso. But most of the time, the food go to waste. Ni hindi ko nararamdaman ang gutom.

I was too tired and numb to even feel anything. It felt like the days are passing over without me making a progress. Tila nakakulong ako.

"Get up." Ani ni Jersen.

I sighed deeply. Hindi ko siya binalingan at nanatiling nakatingin sa kisame habang nakahilata sa kama. 

"I said get up." 

Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang hilain ang braso ko at pinatayo ng mabilis. Ni hindi pa nagsink in sa akin ang mabilisan niyang pagpapabangon nang itapon niya sa mukha ko ang isang damit.

"Dress up. We'll leave the palace."

Sinalo ko iyon sa dibdib habang nakakunot ang noo. We'll leave? Why? I don't want to go anywhere but in my room.

Nang hindi ako gumalaw ay namewang siya, "Do you want me to do the deed, instead? Why are you not moving, lady?" Tinaasan ako ng kilay.

"Why?" I whispered.

"What why?"

"Why do I have to come with you?" 

Tumalas ang mga mata niya, "It's time that our people should know about your existence. You're staying here until the war ends."