Letting Go

Twenty Six

"Well damn when you put it that way." My sister said.

"That's crazy." I shook my head.

"It's not though. Honestly speaking when a man feeds a woman all of this crap about you're beautiful and you're pretty it's based on the outside. What she's wearing or something. Those relationships don't last. As opposed to a man who pays special attention to boosting her up and not only adding to her confidence but helping her and motivating her to stay strong. Those are the relationships that survive and last."

"But why?" My sister asked.

"Because the relationship has more substance. I mean I personally feel that way because it's nerve wracking to have to constantly feed someone compliments. Then it becomes only what I'm going to say to make sure you feel good. I'm paying attention to placing band aids on the outside instead of paying attention to what I can do to strengthen our relationship, and help fix what needs to be tended to in the inside."

"Wouldn't giving compliments be strengthening the relationship." Karen asked while I sat quiet.

"Not at all. You're strengthening the confidence of a the person and not the relationship. I personally feel like those types of females that need that are little girls, and to be quite frank I'm a grown ass man who needs his woman to be a grown ass woman not needing to hear my compliments every second of the day."

"Every woman wants to be secure in her relationship." I said chiming in. "For some they know they are beautiful and they know that their worth but paying attention to an outfit change just shows them that you're paying attention."

"Girls in my opinion believe that security comes from compliments. It's way more to it than that."

I didn't get a chance to say anything after. The appetizers came out and I sat pretending that I was okay and I wasn't. In some ways, I'm offended. Is he saying that I am a girl and not a grown woman? Is he saying that in ways I'm not enough for him?

Because that's how I take it and I maybe wrong but my heart feels a little broken behind it. I've never been in any situation like this and although I am not insecure, I still want certain acknowledgements. Maybe because we aren't in a relationship that's exclusive. But, at this rate I don't even believe we are ready for that now. We need to have a talk sincerely.

Throughout dinner they carried on conversations while I just ate my dinner and attended to the emails I was getting regarding the workshop I did today. I engaged in little small talk, I am just ready to go. Tonight didn't exactly go the way I planned and even though I don't want to be so silent, what I really want to discuss I can't.

"Dinner was really good. Thanks for treating Reg." Karen said.

"No problem. Have a good night y'all." He said as we all exited the restaurant together.

Karen caught up with my as I got closer to my car.

"You good A'taya?" Karen asked.

"Yeah." I sighed. "Just tired and my feet hurt." I scrunched my nose

She laughed. "Girl, I bet they do. You look good though." She snapped her fingers.

"Thanks. What's up?"

"Nothing, I was wondering would you be cool with staying home alone tonight? I want to spend time with Rick before we go away. The trip is gonna be a few days." She informed me.