Cornered

Dreams

Jean didn't know many dances so he was really struggling to keep up with Sasha. He wished she would just let him go. She spun him towards her and then with a wide smile shoved him. He stumbled flailing his arms to try and catch his balance. He pulled up and just managed to stop in front of a face he knew so well. The same face of the girl in his drawing. Her long black hair glistened in the moonlight. She blushed lowering her head as she tucked her black hair behind one of her ears. Even her lowered head wasn't enough to hide her shy smile. Jean felt like he was in a dream as he held out a hand.

"Care to dance?" he finally managed to say. She nodded shyly and took his hand as he led her gently towards the dancers. They began to move and Jean had to focus on the music, otherwise he would have lost himself in those beautiful dark eyes. She smiled and blushed as he watched her, often turning her head to the side. He didn't care, she was beautiful in his eyes and that was all that mattered. As the dance concluded they stopped and he led her to another spot as the instruments started another song.

"What's your name?" he asked. She giggled and softly replied.

"Jessica." He repeated her name in his mind and it just sounded so right to him. Time passed in a blur and before he knew it the festival was ending. Sasha had finally danced herself out of energy and was talking happily with Connie. Jean noticed that at some point Reiner and Bertholt had joined them. They all talked and laughed happily together. Eren and Armin were no longer there and Jean figured they must have left. Hannah and Franz were walking arm in arm talking amiably to each other. Jean bid Jessica good night then allowed himself to be lead away by Marco.

"Looks like you had a good time." he said happily.

"Yeah," Jean answered in a daze. Marco lead him home then promised he would stop by tomorrow. Jean's mother greeted him pleasantly as he nodded and walked up to his room. He fell back on his bed in a daze. He didn't know what was going on, but he felt content and happy. This wasn't the life he had expected but it was nice. He was startled out of his reverie by Krista reappearing. She called his name with such desperation he jumped. He had felt the panic in her voice and now his heart was clenched with worry. This time he managed to grab hold of Krista's arm before she could disappear.

Instantly he regretted it. Pain washed down his left arm from the contact spreading to every inch of his body and sinking deep into his bones. It hurt more than anything he'd ever experienced before. He tried to pull away, but she held him tightly. No, he thought. I don't want to go there, it hurts. Everything was dark but he could hear voices.

"What's happening?" Krista's voice asked. A voice he didn't recognize answered.

"The pain must still be too much for him. I'll try a smaller dose."

"No!" Krista cried. "You could kill him."

"Do you really want to let him suffer through the pain?" Silence. No, Jean thought. Please don't make me suffer this pain. I can't! He heard breathing, ragged and labored. It was punctuated by whimpers and so weak he immediately felt pity for whatever was making the sound. Don't make it suffer either, he wished. Jean felt tears running down his face, the pain was so intense. He wanted to beg and plead with Krista, but he couldn't find enough air to speak.

"Alright," she conceded. Jean felt overwhelming gratitude. There was a pinch in his shoulder. Compared to the rest of his pain he almost didn't feel it. Then he was finally able to sink back into the soothing darkness.

Jean stopped breathing once more before the morphine wore off enough that it was stable. The second time he revived more quickly. Krista kept vigilant watch over him as well as one of the assistants, but he never stopped breathing again. It was late afternoon when he started panting. At first Krista thought it was strange, but then she noticed his eyebrows had come together in pain.

"Jean, can you hear me? Jean?" He didn't respond. As more and more time passed his breathing became more labored his brow more pinched. His head tossed weakly from side to side as he started whimpering with the gasping. It was clear he was in pain and struggling. Krista turned in concern to the assistant.

"What's happening?" she asked.

"The pain must still be too much for him. I'll try a smaller dose." The assistant prepped a syringe with morphine.

"No!" Krista cried in horror. "You could kill him."

"Do you really want to let him suffer through the pain?" the assistant asked. Krista was tempted to say yes, but Jean was so obviously in distress she couldn't make herself. She still held his left hand and she could feel the fingers twitching now, clearly showing his discomfort. It almost felt like he was trying to pull free of her grip. She returned her gaze to his face and her heart finally gave in when she saw the streams of tears flowing from the corners of his clenched eyes.

"Alright," she said, barely managing to keep tears from her own eyes. The assistant inserted the needle into Jean's shoulder and Krista watched as he slowly began to relax again. She endured listening to his slow trance-like breathing, trying to console herself by thinking that it was better than the gasping.

Jean felt the warmth of sun on his skin, the smell of grass filling his nose. A breeze blew over him awakening a wash of sensation as the air played across his skin. Blades of grass tickled his face as they danced. Jean opened his eyes. He was back beneath the clear sky unblocked by walls. He could feel his body was relaxed and free of pain, his soul was at peace. A shadow blocked the sun and it took his eyes a moment to adjust.

"Did you have a nice nap?"

"Marco," Jean breathed, still a little groggy. Marco smiled down at him then sat down beside him. Jean stared at him. He felt strangely like Marco wasn't supposed to be there, but the rest of him was sure that Marco was. Jean sat up suddenly desperately looking around.

"Eren!" he called. A figure in the field stopped hoeing and turned to look at them.

"What?" Eren yelled back. Jean pushed himself up to his feet then stopped. Marco was standing concerned beside him.

"I...I'm supposed to protect him," Jean said.

"From what?" Marco asked the question Jean was asking himself. Jean pressed his hand to the side of his head, trying to remember.

"I...I don't know." Jean breathed. Marco shrugged then waved Eren back to work. Eren rolled his eyes and started pulling the hoe once more. Jean ran, just needing to move, to get away from the confusing half thoughts that made no sense. Marco called after him but he didn't stop. He needed to keep going, to be free. He made it back into town the familiar buildings closing in around him. He turned a corner and bounced back when he ran into something. He landed hard, the pain stinging his wrists as he looked to see what he had hit. Jessica was similarly recovering from a fall. Jean stared at her before his brain reengaged.

"Jessica, I-I'm so sorry." Jean came forward and helped pull her to her feet. She was smiling shyly at him as they collected the produce she had been carrying.

"It's okay," she said softly.

"Let me help you with that," Jean offered. Jessica nodded and let him help her carry her purchases home.