Cornered

Reflection

Mikasa was pleased to see that Armin was doing better every day. He was able to stay awake for longer and longer periods of time. He still allowed himself to sleep even if he wasn't tired to help his body recover more quickly. The doctor had told them the wounds were healing well and he was pleased there were no signs of infection. Usually he let them be, only visiting once a day to check on Armin. His time was mostly taken up with Jean and Trand. Mikasa felt a stirring of emotion but she didn't pay it any attention. Everyone was worried about Jean. At first his injuries hadn't seemed too severe. Yes the gunshot wound would take a long time to fully heal, but no one had expected him to fall into a comma. Now all they could do was hope he found his way out of it.

Krista hadn't left his side for more than a few minutes at a time. She had come to check on Armin a few times and thanked him for saving her. It was amusing to watch him blush and say it was nothing. Then Krista would return to Jean's side; speaking to him, calling his name, and hoping that he would hear her. Mikasa glanced to the side to see that Krista had come once more. She looked like she hadn't been getting enough sleep but she still bore her typical smile.

"How are you feeling Armin?" she asked.

"Good. The doctor says that my injuries are healing well. Still no sign of infection." Krista smiled a little wider.

"That's good to hear. I'm glad you're recovering well. Um, Mikasa, may I borrow you for a minute?" Mikasa followed Krista out, her curiosity piqued. Krista led her to Jean's room, then turned to speak to her quietly.

"The doctor says he thinks Jean might have lost his will to live and that's why he's fallen into a comma. What do I do? I don't know how to help him." Mikasa was shocked though her face didn't show it.

"Why are you asking me? I'm not a doctor." She said flatly.

"Because, you just seem to know what to do in a crisis like this. I've tried everything I could think of, so I hoped maybe you would have an idea of something I hadn't tried." Mikasa shook her head.

"I don't know how to help him either. Ask the doctor." Krista lowered her head.

"He told me there was nothing we could do. We just had to wait and see what happened." She raised her head a defiant spark in her eyes. "I don't want to! I won't wait and see what happens! There must be something we can do!" Mikasa was impressed with her spirit but she knew that wouldn't save someone suffering as Jean was. No matter how much Krista wanted Jean to live, if Jean didn't want to live, there was nothing any of them could do. Mikasa felt something shift inside her. It was uncomfortable but she pushed it aside.

"Maybe Levi would have some ideas." Mikasa could see from the spark of trepidation in Krista's eyes that she didn't really want to ask Levi, or she already had a fairly good idea of what he would say. "Or Landen might." Mikasa added. Krista brightened.

"Oh yes, Landen. I hadn't thought to ask him. Thank you Mikasa, thank you." Mikasa didn't feel like being thanked, after all she hadn't really done anything. Instead she felt she should try to sort out these feelings that kept sparking in her. What was going on? She decided to go on a patrol around the clinic. No one bothered her as she walked. She thought about the doctor spending his time with Jean. The emotions stirred again and she reached for them, trying to coax them like startled animals into the light.

Anxiety came first, and fear. Fear of what? She tried to follow it but it retreated. Sorrow took its place. Mikasa decided to shift forward to when Krista had told her about Jean losing the will to live. Mikasa realized she had tried to resign herself to his death, as if he was already gone. The first step of letting someone go. She had tried to cut ties with him because she had heard he might die. The emotions were bolder now, knowing they wouldn't be immediately repressed and shoved into their dark corners.