I'm Still The Same-A Larry Stylinson and Niam Horayne Fanfic (AU)

Chapter 17

Harry's POV

I woke up and winced from the stinging pain in my arm. I wasn't used to it anymore but I don't regret it. I deserved it. I sat up and pulled my arms from underneath my blanket, the blood had soaked through. I got up and took my blankets off my bed, throwing them on the floor to be washed later. A knock sounded on my door.

"I don't feel like talking right now mum." My mum had been trying to get me to talk since last night.

"Haz it's me."

"L-Lou? Um h-hold on." I unlocked my door and ran into my connecting toilet closing the door. I heard my bedroom door open.

"Harry?"

"Just a minute." I grabbed a new bandage and quickly unwrapped the old one trying not to hiss in pain as it got snagged on the loose skin of my cuts. I wrapped my arms again with the new bandages then I put my jumper back on and turned on the water and splashed my face to get rid of the tear stains. I dried my face then took a deep breath and opened the door to face Louis.
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Louis' POV

I could tell he had been crying even though he tried to wash it away. I took a seat against the back of his bed and pulled him down with me. He didn't even look at me.

"If you're here to break up with me just say it, I know I fucked up, save the speech of trying to make me feel better about it, I know I'm horrible."

"Haz no, I'm not breaking up with you."

"You're n-not?" Tears were falling down his face again and he desperately tried to wipe them away. I grabbed his hands and wiped away his tears, kissing his cheek. I pulled him into my lap and ran my hands through his hair.

"I love you too much to let you go."

"y-you love me?" I looked down at the vulnerable, innocent boy. I really did love him.

"Yeah...I do Haz."

"I love you too boo, so much. I was so afraid, I thought I'd lost you."

"Well you didn't but Harry you do have to earn my trust back. I understand why you lied but it doesn't make it right. It hurt me that not only did you not trust me but that even after you found out I was...raped, that you kept up the lie. That took me years to get over, I still think about it sometimes and it's terrifying. He took my virginity and left me in such horrible physical and emotional pain."

"Lou I'm so sorry. I didn't even think about how this would affect you...god I'm the worst person ever."

"No you made a mistake but I know the real you isn't a liar......Did I do something to make you not trust me?"

"No Lou not at all. It was just in secondary school I started to go through my transition so it was inevitable that everyone would find out. They stopped treating me like a person. I became"it" or "tranny freak" or "heshe." Boys would follow me into the girls locker room since I still had to use it and rip off my chest binder. When they finally allowed me to use the boys bathroom in year 11 they would push me into the toilet and say "Sit like the little bitch that you are" or the worst were when they would wait until I used the bathroom and then burst in there before I could flush and shove my head in it. The girls were horrible too they just weren't physical but they would always call me a "dyke" and a "cunt" and things like that. I wasn't taken seriously, the only person I had was Niall but he couldn't protect me a lot because we didn't have very many classes together and even when we were together it was everybody against just two of us. When they found out I liked boys it was still"wannabe boy" "tranny" "heshe" and all the usual but it was also "Faggot" "Queer" "sissy" "Fucking homo." They were contradicting themselves but all they cared about was destroying my self esteem." I was mortified, now I really understand why he went through all of this to hide it.

"Haz I'm so sorry, god, people are horrible. I wish you never had to go through that." I turned his head to face me and gently pecked his lips.

"It's over now....Lou?"

"Yes love?"

"I don't really know how to word this but like...aren't you gay? I mean why didn't you dump me, I don't have a....you know. I don't know it's just Gemma told me I'd never actually be a boy and she's right like am I just joke?"

"Baby no, you're not a joke and yes I'm definitely 100 percent gay but you're a boy and you know you're a boy. Maybe you don't have the parts but so what? I fell in love with you as you are and that hasn't changed." He lunged forward and kissed me. I tangled my hands in the bottom of his hair and deepened the kiss but he pulled away a minute later.

"Um Louis can I talk to you about something else too?" He looked nervous so I sat up and grabbed his hand, rubbing my thumb against the back of it.

"Of course love"

"Well I don't want to leave you out of anything else in my life so I....I want to get bottom reassignment surgery."

"Haz are you sure? That's irreversible."

"Yes, my bottom dysphoria is so bad Lou, I pack with socks but it's not cutting it anymore."

"Well I'll definitely be here for you through it. Have you looked into the process yet?"

"Yeah um I actually have a consultation with the surgeon next week. I was wondering if you want to go with me?"

"Of course I'll go with you." I kissed the back of his hand and pulled him into my chest, running my hands through his hair. It was silent for awhile until he spoke up.

"Lou do you think I'm a shit mate? I mean I didn't notice what was going on with Niall until it was almost too late, he's been there for me since the beginning and the one time he needed me I didn't even notice."

"Of course not. It's not your fault you didn't notice. Eating disorders are very sneaky and Niall didn't want to be caught. The fact that you caught on at all is amazing. You definitely helped him get the help he needs."

"He almost died to get it though."

"He didn't die. Stop living in the past love. Don't even live in the future, live for right now and right now he's receiving the best care he can. He'll be okay. What's today's date?"

"December 28th why?" (yes I skipped over Louis' birthday and Christmas because personally I find birthday and Christmas chapters extremely boring to both read and write)

"We're allowed our first visit with Niall on the 10th."

"Really? I didn't know the date, I miss him so much I hope he's made progress."

"I'm sure he has." I kissed his temple but I froze when I looked in the corner and saw his crumpled up bed sheets....stained with blood.

"H-Haz? What's that?" He followed my line of vision to his bed sheets and I saw all the color drain from his face.

I'll have another short chapter up either tonight or tomorrow. This fic is almost over, only like 4 or 5 more chapters, there will be a lot of time skips over the next few chapters, not major ones just a few days or weeks.