But Then I Met Her | ✓

Chapter 38

It's been four days since I was positive that Tris is Divergent. On top of that, I learned that Uriah is Divergent. I talked to him and Zeke about it, and both of them knew. They asked me to keep it a secret, and of course I agreed. They've released two other reports about the Abnegation, and I told Zeke to burn them or something.

Tris's fears are probably worse than anyone else's. They're more vivid, more like a living nightmare. But at least she, unlike Molly, doesn't shy away from her own shadow. No, Tris is not like the others. She knows her limits, and pushes them just enough to test herself. She doesn't blindly push and push until she's over the edge- she stops just before she falls.

She knows better than to press her luck- that is not something that people like us, that the Divergent, have. She knows where to hit and how hard, and when to back off. She's observant and intelligent and braver than anyone I know. And while I know I shouldn't let her distract me like this, I can't. I can't shove her out of my mind- she is not easily forgotten.

I wonder what she had for her results. Maybe she had all five factions. She is kind- that has been shown many times, mostly when Edward got stabbed in the eye though, I think. She is selfless- that has been shown more times than I can even remember. She is honest- when she told me that she didn't think Dauntless initiation would be so difficult. She is intelligent- she has figured out more things faster than any initiate I've ever taught.

But mostly, she is brave. She has done more things out of bravery than I have ever seen any one person do in my entire life. She has jumped off of a building without hesitation, without knowing who or what waits at the bottom. She has stood up to Eric. She has thrown herself head first into the simulations and has come out fighting. And most of all, she has climbed the Ferris wheel when everyone else argued about what the hell their next move was.

No, Tris is not like everyone else- she is better. I can easily see now that she is Divergent, more so than anyone I've ever met. I can see why her mother asked me to protect her, and not just because she's her daughter, either.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Tris comes out of the simulation and holds her head in her hands, breathing deeply. Her simulation was the same as yesterday's- she had to shoot her family. Everyone else's fears are pretty normal- spiders, snakes, clowns, being attacked, heights, you get the picture- so they're not very interesting. Tris and Uriah's, though, are completely different. Uriah was right before Tris, and he had to choose between Shauna, Zeke, Lauren, Lynn, and me- I was surprised that I was in that one- and Marlene. He didn't choose

Tris lifts her head and sees that I was watching her. "I know the simulation isn't real," she says.

"You don't have to explain it to me," I reply, "You love your family. You don't want to shoot them. Not the most unreasonable thing in the world." I don't mention that this isn't exactly a fear, that it's mostly just the simulation grasping at whatever it can find.

"In the simulation is the only time I get to see them." She explains, though she knows she doesn't have to. Why does she trust me with this? Maybe she knows that I won't hurt her, that I can't. That even if I was being forced to, I could never harm her. "I miss them. You ever just...miss your family?"

I look down. This isn't exactly an easy topic for me. "No," I answer honestly after a minute of silence. "I don't. But that's unusual." Sometime in our conversation she'd gotten up and started for the door. She stops with her hand on the knob and looks back at me.

I meet her eyes and don't look away. I can't look away. I try to tell her everything, but of course she doesn't hear it. She tries to tell me something, too, but it's like whispering through thick glass- I know that she's trying to talk to me, but I can't hear the message.

We've been staring for too long- too long for it to be a natural glance, too long for it to not mean something. Then she's just gone. Just leaves the room quickly and doesn't glance back.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"So who's ranked first for transfers?" Uriah's question snaps me back to the present, to dinner.

"Yeah, Four. Spill. You've been to quiet lately." Lauren adds. They all lean a little closer.

I glance around and lean in some, too. "Tris."

They all gape at each other. "I talked to Will earlier, too. Apparently Peter decided to harass her earlier, too. Said that she was manipulating all of them. He said that he thought I wasn't like Eric and deserved to know that him, Molly and Drew were probably gonna have it out for her."

Shauna nods. "What was her average time? Uriah's was five minutes and Lynn's was four minutes, fifty-seven seconds."

"Well Peter came in second, and his was eight." I tell her. "But the gap between them is huge. Her average time is...." I trail off.

"Go on," Zeke urges. "We're all trustworthy here, right?" They all nod.

I let out a breath. "Two minutes, forty-five seconds. Her fastest time was one minute, thirty seconds."

They all let out exclamations of surprise. "Damn, Uri." Lynn says. "Looks like we're not gonna be first and second like we thought."

Marlene shrugs. "I was fourth. Damn Gabe got the same time as me and Eric put him in front of me!"

"What was your time?" I ask her.

She grins. "Five minutes, fifteen seconds."

I nod. "Right. I think besides Uriah and Tris, your fears were the most irregular."

"Well, I don't think any of my fears will be normal." she shrugs. "Just don't tell anyone anything you saw, got it? I might be younger, but I can still kick your ass, Four."

I hold up my hands in mock surrendur. "Wouldn't dream of it, Marlene."

"Four's all about confidentiality." Lauren grins. "He wouldn't tell a soul even if his life depended on it."

"He's the exact opposite of the Candor- he can keep a secret." Zeke says. That's probably the truest thing anyone's ever said about me.

If I couldn't keep a secret, Tris would be dead.