But Then I Met Her | ✓

Chapter 45

A/N: Sorry about the sort-of cliffhanger :) Here's another chapter for ya

And oh my god, did you guys see the TMI stuff on Hot Topic's website?

It's awesome.

"That's it?" Tris says. "Those were your worst fears? Why do you only have four..." her voice trails off, and her eyes light up with understanding. "Oh." she looks back over her shoulder at me. "That's why they call you-"

My eyes are widened. I open my mouth to say something, then shut it. She knows. She knows.

Well duh, you idiot. Isn't that what you wanted?

She's put all of it together, though. Even before she saw Marcus, she had figured it out. I saw that look in her eyes. I'm amazed that she figured it out. She watches me for a minute, taking in my expression. I feel as if every wall I've ever put up to hide myself, to hide what my father did to me, has been stripped away. She knows all of my secrets- can she keep them?

I wrap my hand around her elbow and tug her toward me. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and bury my face in her neck. I'm not sure why I do it, but it just feels right. I have never needed comforting, not even when I was young and had nightmares, but now I just need to be close to her, and I don't even know why. 

Tris doesn't know what to do for a minute, but then she wraps her arms around me and sighs. "Hey," her voice is soft, gentle. "We got through it."

I lift my head from her shoulder, slightly ashamed for being so weak, and slide my fingers through her hair. It's soft and looks gold in the sharp light. I tuck some of it behind her ear, and we stare at each other silently. My fingers move over a lock of her hair.

"You got me through it." I say after a while, scanning her eyes as if that'll help me read her thoughts. But like always, Tris is closed off. It's the Abnegation in her- hiding her own feelings so that others don't feel the need to help her.

"Well, it's easy to be brave when they're not my fears." Her eyes move over mine, too, as if she can read what I'm thinking. I feel like she knows how I feel about her, but she doesn't say anything, and neither do I. We don't acknowledge the electricty between us, either, but that could just be me.

She lets her hands drop and swipes them on her jeans. I ignore the movement, knowing her well enough to know that it's a nervous tick. I don't mention it. I lace my fingers with hers, trying not to smile. "Come on," I say. "I have something else to show you."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I have never held hands with a girl while walking. I have never held hands with a girl, period. I have never wanted to be close to a girl, or get to know her better, or let her in and tell her all of my thoughts and secrets. But with Tris, I want to do that.

I want to, and I sort of am, but I shouldn't be.

Tris seems just as unsure about this as I am. She keeps tightening and loosening her grip on my hand, and I smile to myself. Her insecurities are pointless, to me- she's fine just the way she is, and she should really stop worrying about it. I run one of my fingertips down her palm, and I see her shiver out of the corner of my eye.

"So...four fears." she says.

"Four fears then; four fears now." I nod. "They haven't changed, so I keep going in there, but...I still haven't made any progress."

"You can't be fearless, remember?" she reminds me. "Because you still care about things. About your life."

And yours. I think, but don't say that out loud. Instead I say, "I know."