But Then I Met Her | ✓

Chapter 42

I lead the initiates out of the dining hall and along the paths that surround the Pit. Will is on Tris's left, Christina on her right. So now you'll treat her like a friend? I think. Now that she's injured and playing wounded animal?

Christina says a quiet apology to Tris, something about taking the flag when she earned it. I hear Tris say a quiet reply, though I don't catch it. I keep walking silently, kind of wishing that Zeke was here. At least then I could focus, since he'd jab me in the side if I didn't.

I turn and walk backwards. Tris eyes me with something that's close to a mix of worry and curiousity. Well, I guess I am walking backwards on a narrow path with no railings, but still. I look back at Drew, who trudges behind the group. "Pick up the pace, Drew!"

It's a cruel joke, but I see Tris smile a little. It looks out of place with her bruise, as if she should be scowling. I feel my eyes shift to her arm around Will's, and all humor drains out of me. If she liked Will, I wouldn't be surprised. He's her age, and another initiate, and at least he didn't throw knives at her head and cut her ear.

But he didn't save her from being thrown over the Chasm. A little voice in my head insists as I turn to walk forward again. I walk up a flight of stairs, trying hard to keep my hands from clenching into fists. I walk across the glass floor, not looking down- fear of heights, duh- and then through a cylindrical glass room that I still don't know the purpose of. Probably something to do with some daredevil and stupid stunt. Some Dauntless are in here, though they pay us no mind. Some nod towards me, but the initates are not acknowledged.

I lead them into the fear landscape room. The walls are graffitied and large pipes are exposed, and the whole place smells of stagnant water and rust. The room is lit by some buzzing fluorescent lights with plastic covers. They're old, but they work just fine.

"This is a different kind of simulation known as the fear landscape. It has been disabled for our purposes, so this isn't what it will be like the next time you see it. Through your simulations, we have stored data about your worst fears. The fear landscape accesses that data and presents you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some of the obstacles will be fears  you previously faced in your simulations. Some may be new fears. The difference is that you are aware, in the fear landscape, that it is a simulation, so you will have all your wits about you as you go through it."

That's a message to any Divergent in the room- you have no upper hand here. I continue on, though probably none of them will remember any of the information I tell them. Tris and Will might- might- but that's about it. "The number of fears you have in your landscape varies according to how many you have."

I notice Tris shiver, possibly recalling one of her fears, since it's warm in here. "I told you before that the third stage of initiation focuses on mental preparation. That is because it requires you to control both your emotions and your body- to combine the physical ability that you learned in stage one with the emotional mastery you learned in stage two." My eyes scan the crowd of initiates. A light above me flickers and twitches.

My eyes stop on Tris. "Next week you will go through your fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless leaders. That will be your final test, which determines your ranking for stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighted more heavily than stage one, stage three is weighted the heaviest of all. Understood?"

They all nod, even Drew, who makes it look extremely painful. I smirk to myself. He deserved it.

"You can get past each obstacle in one of two ways. Either you find a way to calm down enough that the simulation registers a normal, steady heartbeat, or you find a way to face your fear, which can force the simulation to move on. One way of facing a fear of drowning is to swim deeper, for example." I shrug. "So I suggest that you take the next week to consider your fears and develop strategies to facing them."

"That doesn't sound fair," Peter says from towards the back of the group. I can see a bit of a bruise peeking out from his shirt collar. Obviously from when I kicked the shit out of him. "What if one person only has seven fears and someone else has twenty? That's not their fault."

You did not just go there, I can hear Shauna say that in my head. She would say just that, too.

I stare at him for a few seconds before laughing. "Do you really want to talk to me about what's fair?" The crowd of initiates parts to let me through as I walk toward Peter. I cross my arms over my chest and say in what I hope is an almost threatening voice, "I understand why you're worried, Peter. The events of last night certainly proved that you are a miserable coward."

Peter stares back, at me, silent and expressionless. Everyone except Tris, Will, and Christina seem confused. I notice that Al is nowhere to be seen.

I lower my voice. "So now we all know that you are afraid of a short, skinny girl from Abnegation." My mouth curls up into a cruel smile.

I see Will wrap his arm around Tris from the corner of my eye. Christina's shoulders shake with suppressed laughter. And somehow, even though she's injured and playing vulnerable, Tris gives a small smile. Apparently, she enjoys watching those that put her through pain endure embarrassment. She should wait until initiation is over, when she'll probably be in the top five and they'll be factionless, I think. I don't think I've ever believed in anyone more than I believe in her now.