Secret (The Outsiders)

Don't Wake Me

A/N: *WARNING* There are some triggering things in the chapter. I'll bold the first word to let you know where its at. I'll bold the last word to show where it ends.

It was late in the day when I woke up. Johnny's arm was tightly around me. I looked around and found that I was sleeping on the Curtis brothers' couch. It was cold even though I was wearing Johnny's jacket and a blanket was over me. I snuggled closer to him and I felt him stir. "Did I wake you?" I asked him. He shook his head and started to sit up. I stayed laying down. I was thinking about Dally.

Soda brought me a plate of breakfast. I pushed it away, not hungry. Soda looked at me with a confused face. I didn't feel right this morning. Something was wrong and, honestly, I didn't know what.

 Johnny collected me from the Curtis home. We walked down the street and I saw someone running by. I didn't bother to glance at who it was. I just figured it was a hood running from another. Then I heard the sirens. I whipped around and saw where the cars were headed. The hood running was Dally. "Dally!" I screamed. Johnny grabbed my waist before I could run forward. I screamed and fought.

He dragged me to the Curtis house. "Hey!" he yelled. I wasn't screaming anymore. I was kicking though. Darrel got out there first. He held me so I couldn't get away. "Quit fighting!" he snapped. I did. He let go of me and I ran.

I heard them cursing as I ran. My feet were slapping the concrete. I ended up at the lot. Something had called me here. I saw Dally in the distance. The echoing of his feet was loud. I went to run towards him but he put his hand up and I did as I was told.

Dally gave me a sad look and flipped a pistol out of his waist band. Where did he get that? "NO!" Everyone screamed. I heard gunshots and I didn't know who's gun they came from. Dally was turned completely around by the bullets. I screamed and yelled. The sounds coming from my mouth were not human.

The gun fire ceased and I ran to Dally's side. "Lola." he murmured. Blood sputtered from his mouth and splattered against my face. His shaking hand reached out for him. I gripped it tightly. "I'm s-sorry for all that I've done to you. I l-love you, little..." His head rolled to the side and his eyes closed. I choked out a sob.

I shook his body. "Dally!" I shook it again. His blood was under my nails and covering my hands. It was on my face and clothes. "Dally!" I sobbed as someone pulled me up. It was Johnny. He wrapped me in his arms as I cried. My brother was dead and there was nothing I could do to bring him back.

I ran a hand over my forehead, streaking it with Dally's blood. I turned and looked at Johnny. For some reason I felt anger. Complete and utter anger. I felt like I wanted to hit something or kill someone. My hands balled into tight fists. My knuckles turned bright white. My breath was coming in heavy gasps and words spilled from my mouth like venom.

"This is your fault!" I snapped, pointing at Johnny. Johnny stepped back and looked down. Two-Bit looked at me with a scary look. "What did you just say?" he snapped. "You heard me, Keith." Two-Bit's hand raised but he lowered it slowly. What was he thinking. I'd kick his ass if he did that to me. Something had snapped inside me and I didn't know what.

I approached Johnny and got in his face. "Why did you have to kill that kid? Why did you have to run off instead of turning yourself in. You were the only thing Dally loved. When you went to jail for those days, something snapped in him. You are the reason he's dead!" I was screaming at him. "Lolita!" Darry snapped. "What? What are you going to do? You wouldn't hit me. None of you would."

It took a while for what I said to sink in. I eventually cooled off and looked at all of them. Tears were spilling over my eyes. "I-I'm sorry. Something came over me." I knew crying wasn't going to help. "I had a break down." I didn't think they'd forgive me for that but I felt arms wrap around me. I hugged back and looked at Johnny over the person's shoulder. When I pulled out of the hug I looked at who it was. It was Soda. I smiled at him.

I walked over to Johnny. "Johnny, I'm sorry. I understand if you don't forgive me but please." I begged. Johnny ruffled his hair and eventually pulled me into a big hug. He kissed my cheek. He never forgave me though. Honestly, I couldn't blame him.

There was never a funeral for him. We couldn't afford it. Someone, we don't know who, paid for the headstone though.

~

About two weeks later I found myself in the bathroom. I was sitting on the sink and my switch blade was in my hand. Next thing I know, my arm is bleeding. My knife has blood on it and I don't know how it happened. Then there is three.

The door burst open and Soda was standing there. "Lolita!" he said, yanking the blade away. I was crying as Sodapop pulled me in a hug. "Its been too much Soda." I sobbed. Soda kept hugging me. "Don't tell Johnny." I begged. "I won't." Soda was crying to when he pulled away. "You can tell him when you're ready." he told me.

~

Thankfully the weather is cold so I can wear a jacket to cover up what I did. Johnny didn't suspect anything. Soda kept his mouth shut good. I didn't worry about Johnny finding out about it. I didn't worry about it until one day.

I was helping Steve work on a small Camaro. A little bit of oil sprayed up my arm and without thinking, I let Steve remove my jacket. I had on short sleeves on. Johnny was there with me and he wasn't paying attention. When he looked up, I pulled my arm behind my back. Johnny looked a little bewildered at my actions. He stood up and walked to me.

He pulled my arm away from me and ran his hand over the markings. "What did you do to yourself?" he said, shocked. I didn't speak. Johnny had it figured out.

~

I woke up, sweating and shaking. I pulled my sleeve up. No cuts. I looked around. There was Dally. He's still alive. I put my hands on my head and started murmuring things. I guess the guys noticed because Johnny threw an arm around me and Soda was whispering in my ear. Dally pressed a hand to my forehead and looked away. Steve kept trying to get me to say what was wrong.

Eventually I sputtered out, "You're alive." I wrapped Dally in a big hug and started sobbing. "Don't ever leave me." I begged, tightening my grip. Dally hugged back. "I won't leave you." he said in a low voice in my ear.

When we pulled out of our hug, Ponyboy asked me what happened. I explained my dream and how Dally had died. I left out the part where I hurt myself. I smiled at the guys and Two-Bit made a joke and we all laughed.

A/N: The whole chapter was a dream until the last three paragraphs. I thought it'd be interesting to write this and I personally like this chapter. Sorry that it's short. Thanks for all the votes and comments! No updates next week! I'll be on vacation.