Endsbrooke

What's Wrong With Me?

      I lay in bed that night staring up at my ceiling. My feelings were all over the place, up and down, back and forth. One minute I was telling myself that boys weren't worth any of the trouble they came with. Then next moment I was remembering the butterflies that Ronan and Forrest both gave me. And then another second later I was feeling completely terrible about feeling that way for two boys. My mind wouldn't turn off. What was wrong with me? I hardly knew Forrest; he shouldn't make me feel the way I feel. I at least knew Ronan a little bit better; it made sense that I would feel this way towards him. I had almost made up my mind to forget about Forrest and pursue Ronan, but that thought had my heart sinking into my stomach. I didn't want to forget about Forrest.

When I finally did fall asleep it wasn't a restful one. All of my earlier thoughts transferred into my dreams. Each dream was always a variation on the same thing. I would be with one of the boys when the other would come up to us. He would get angry and they would start yelling heatedly at each other, then that would progress into physical violence, and the dream would always end with both the boys transforming into giant wolves. I would wake up in a cold sweat and a troubled mind.

School the next day was hard. I was exhausted from my fitful night sleep; I had multiple people ask me if I was alright before the school day had even technically begun. I was the first in World History and I was dreading the class. This was the class that almost all of my friends were in. I didn't want to have to deal with any of the male egos that would accompany this class. I found a random seat in the middle of the room and put my head on my desk, hoping to doze a little before class. I did doze a little while the classroom started to fill with kids. I woke up when a quiet deep voice spoke, "Late night?" I lifted my head off my arms to see Ronan sitting next to me.

"Not really," I sighed. "Just a restless night." Ronan looked more closely at me, studying me.

"Is everything alright?" His eyes shined with concern.

"Yeah everything is fine; I just didn't have very nice dreams. But it's alright." Before Ronan could reply again Forrest dropped down on the seat on my other side. He tossed a fudgy looking brownie on my desk.

"For you Madame," he said in a fake British accent.

"Thank you very much, this is just the pick me up I need today!" I said unwrapping the brownie not waiting for lunch. When I was done chewing the first heavenly bite of my brownie I noticed the boys were quietly staring at each other with fierce eyes. I eyed them both warily.

"You two aren't going to start fighting are you?" I asked. Neither boy answered, they both just huffed and looked away from each other. This was a first, I was sitting between Ronan and Forrest and there was a palpable tension in the air. The other kids in the class could feel it too; they kept glancing back at the three of us. "You better not, because people are staring." I told them both.

"Yeah well they can stop staring," Ronan said forcefully. All of the people who had been staring immediately turned back around. "So," Ronan turned his attention back on me. "Are you going to tell me what your bad dreams were about?" I felt a deep blush bloom on my cheeks. I didn't think he would ask me about my dreams.

"You had bad dreams last night?" Forrest asked me concern clear in his voice. Both boys were waiting for me now to answer the question.

"Not much just a lot of fighting, and there were wolves." Both boys glanced sharply at each other.

"Wolves?" Ronan asked questioningly.

"Yes wolves, it was just silly." I tried to brush it off as if my dreams were no big deal.

"Why do you think you dreamed about wolves?" Forrest asked this time.

"I don't know, why does anyone dream anything? It was probably just my subconscious trying to work things out while I slept. I mean my parents are here studying about werewolves that's probably why."

"Right, right of course," Ronan said as if that was common knowledge. I looked between the two of them again, something was up with them.

"You two are acting so strange," I said. Before either could reply the teacher walked in and started the class. I sat between the two the rest of the class wondering what had gotten into them. One minute they were glaring daggers at each other, then the next they were both mutually concerned because I had a bad dream. The boys in Endsbrooke were strange; actually the people of Endsbrooke in general were strange.

The rest of the day was spent breaking my time up between all my new friends. In fact that's how the rest of the month went. I was getting to know all my new friends very well, but it was getting rather tiring having to go from one group of friends to the other. I also wasn't used to having so many friends. At my old schools I maybe had one or two acquaintances, but here I actually had friends who expected me to hang out with them. My sister laughed at what I called my dilemma but I didn't think it was very funny. I liked all my friends and I wanted to be with them, but they didn't like each other. There was no possible way these two groups would merge so I was stuck.

But things were becoming routine now after a month. My family and I had settled into our new home very comfortably. Evie and I had even decided to decorate our rooms, which we had never really done in our old houses. We had spent a whole weekend shopping and decorating. I had painted my room an emerald green and bought a new bed spread to match. It had been a fun weekend of painting and bonding with my family.

Even school had become routine, classes, homework, even lunch was routine. I had to spend lunch with a different set of friends each day. I went back and forth between them all, sometimes sitting with Violet, York, and Forrest, and sometimes sitting with Bea, Daphne, Ronan, a few of his friends and my sister. Even though my life was becoming routine I was enjoying it. My life almost felt normal.

The only non-normal thing about me was my stupid feelings. Every day my feelings towards Ronan and Forrest increased. It was eating me up inside, I didn't know what to do about it. I would have this problem; I went from not liking anybody ever to having feelings for two different guys. And then there was York who was becoming one of my best friends. However sometimes I saw the look he gave me when he thought I wasn't looking, it was the "I want to be more then friends look". But I knew that I didn't feel that way about him. I wanted to be his friends, but I didn't like him the way I liked Ronan and Forrest. I don't really know why, what was the difference between York and the other two? Why did I have such strong feelings for those two and only platonic feelings for York? What was wrong with me?