I Hate Myself but I Love You

Chapter 18

I slowly come back to myself and out of the torture that my mind has inflicted on me. I'm shaking but it's not cold; I'm wrapped in warmth. Exhaustion makes my limbs weak and I purr tiredly, snuggling closer to my heat source.

I wake feeling rested and sit up. I stretch out my limbs, my eyes still closed.

"Dammit Carm, its cold. Get back here." Laura groans, rolling over and dragging me back down into her arms. She's as strong as me now; she does it easily.

I'm frozen. Did she calm me? Was she that warmth that lulled me back to sleep? If she calmed me that easily... No one else has ever been able to do that. I've had bad nightmares similar to those before and not even the threat of being put back in that coffin could pull me out. Not even Will's stupid smirk and even worse jokes could bring me out of my mind to make a snarky comment. Mattie's descriptive death threats failed to make me smile. Just drinking blood drained me of all energy I had.

"Morning," Laura yawns. I stay silent and keep my eyes shut. "Carmilla? Are you okay?"

The fear in her voice makes me automatically open my eyes and tense, ready to fight whatever's scaring her. Her face is extremely close to mine, her mouth turned down worriedly. I silently stare at her, my eyes tracing her features. She's so beautiful. Someday, if she allows me to, I'd love to immortalize that gorgeous face even more by painting it.

"Carm? Are you okay? Did I not do good last night?" I choke on nothing, wide-eyed. Did we...? Laura doesn't notice; she's too focused on her oncoming ramble. "I'm not great at comforting people; I babysat once and was never hired back because the kid would not stop crying. I think it had to do more with the fact that it was cold, but..." I don't try to hold back my relieved laugh. She was talking about her comforting me after my nightmare. Good. "You're laughing at me." Gods, that pout is back.

If we ever do... that again, I'm going to charm the pants off her (note to self: bonus if literally). She's the most precious thing in my life. I'm old fashioned, I guess you could say. Though I'm hers as much as she is mine and I'm confident she could make me change my mind in a second with one pleading look.

I miss the feel of her lips against mine and the indescribable comfort she gave me more than anything else.

I smile at her. "Just laughing. No worries, cupcake, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Your nightmare last night must have been pretty bad."

Laura didn't ask what I dreamt about. Huh.

"It was." I don't want to say more about it.

Laura seems to understand this and squeezes my hand. The bats in my stomach are nothing new, but this happiness that I only feel in her presence certainly is. And she calmed me down so easily... Why? How? It hits me like a hammer to the back of the head.

"Oh shit."

I don't just love her. I'm in love with her.