I Hate Myself but I Love You

Chapter 43

Carmilla's POV

I'm motionless, my jaw dropped slightly in shock. Laura... No, there's no way she could... It's a trick from Mother. It can't be true.

I look into her eyes and I can see the truth in her words. My breathing is ragged and echoes in my ears. It feels like I'm being stitched together while I'm waiting to be torn apart. I'm speechless and Laura squeezes my hand gently. Her touch grounds me.

"Carmilla." Laura's looking into my eyes. "I love you." When I still don't respond, she continues talking. "I'm so sorry it me so long for me to figure that out. I've just never been in love before and I didn't know what it feels like. And when I lost you after Mattie, I realized just how much you mean to me. It felt like I was barely functioning without you in my life, and knowing how much pain I caused you... I hate that I hurt you. And you might never forgive me, but I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up-"

"Cupcake." I find my voice, an easy smile on my face. She does love me. For whatever incomprehensible reason, she loves me. I clear my throat to clear the rasp. "You're already forgiven."

She lets out a happy squeak and wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me into a hug. "Thanks, Carm!"

"No problem, cutie. I'm sorry I blamed you for everything. You didn't deserve that."

She pulls back, not seeming to notice that our faces are inches from each other. My breath hitches. "Yeah, I kind of did, Carm. I asked you to be a person we both knew you aren't. And I asked you to do stuff you couldn't. Sorry about that."

Unable to resist taking advantage of our closeness, I press a gentle kiss to her nose (her blush is as adorable as it's always been). "You're already forgiven, sweetheart."

"Oh." Laura doesn't try to move away from me, which I take as a good sign. I rest my hands on her hips, making sure she's not uncomfortable. "Um, uh. So what are we?"

I laugh quietly at her cute awkwardness. "Cutie, the best thing you ever called me was your girlfriend. Want to call me that again?" I arch an eyebrow, delighting in her laughter.

"You think you're so smooth, you dork." She gently boops my nose.

"I am smooth."

Laura starts giggling again, but I cut it off by kissing her.