“Are you excited for tonight?” Mom asked the next morning as the entire family situated around the dining table for breakfast
“Yeah. Especially after the Ashley roast last night, it’ll be good to get out” I sighed stabbing a piece of bacon
“Speaking of going out, boys do you have any plans?” Dad said folding the newspaper he was reading in half and setting it on the table
“No, I have this huge project I was supposed to hand in and I forgot…” Derek looked at dad
“How long has it been due?” Dad asked
“Um…a month, maybe two? I really cant keep track of things like that” Derek shrugged. It’s official: my brother deserves the stupid award
“I’m sure you can’t” Dad shook his head, “Why don’t you guys go to the party tonight?”
“Why?” Rashad furrowed his eyebrows and shoved an English muffin piled high with eggs, sausage, jam, and bacon into his mouth.
“It seems…fun” Dad said adjusting his glasses
“So…you want me to abandon my project and go to a party? Where I will quite possibly let my mouth get ahead of me and get into a fight of some sort?” Derek lowered his fork and stared at dad
“Yes”
“Who are you and what have you done to Daniel Lawson, boring father of four?” Derek asked shocked
“Knock it off, I just want you to be at this party…and escort your sister there as well”
“There we have it ladies and gentleman!” Derek began clapping, “The truth!”
“You want us to baby sit cute wittle Ashwee?” Rashad pouted his lips and pinched my cheek
“I don’t need a stupid babysitter! Especially not ones with IQ’s lower than rocks” I slapped Rashad’s hand away
“They aren’t your baby sitters. I just want to make sure this Brad kid doesn’t try anything fishy” Dad straightened his tie and looked at me meaningfully, “You and Abby are women and you deserve to be treated as such. I don’t care how many goals you score on the field”
“you know Brad, dad! He would never try anything” I shrieked looking at mom for help. She pretended to not see my look and continued eating.
“I don’t care if I know Brad or not, sometimes boys get the wrong idea…Trust me, I was one”
“So? Maybe Brad is different?”
“In light of the way you’ve been dressing these days, I doubt it” Dad scoffed
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I yelled offended. Me and dad never argued and by never, I mean NEVER. IT was always me and mom getting into it, while dad was the voice of reason. I was like his favorite or something.
“You’ve been dressing quite suggestively these past few days and it’s kind of weird that he’s JUST taking a notice to you. You’ve known him since preschool” He said angrily
“That is so untrue!” I slammed the table
“Ashley…” Mom started
“No, let her break the table! She hates the truth” Dad shook his head at me
“Why is it so impossible for you…and anyone to believe that maybe someone actually likes me? Am I that disgusting? Am I unworthy of love, maybe?” I looked at dad and found myself in that same vulnerable place I was in a few days ago. I looked around the table and everyone stared at me sadly
“I can never win, can i?” I whispered throwing my napkin down and leaving the table
“Ashley” Derek called after me
“Don’t pretend like you don’t feel the exact same way he does!” I yelled at him
“Ashley, dads just being a dad. This is what dads do; protect. He’s just worried about your change…” Derek grabbed me by the shoulders and turned my head to look up at him
“For so long, I was the girl-guy. Not fully female but not fully male. For the first time I feel…beautiful but apparently no one in this family is okay with that except for Abby and it hurts! It hurts that no one will look past the clothes and see the girl inside who wants to cry everyday because she feels like she isn’t good enough. Do you know how that feels?” I cried. Derek stared at me and if I wasn’t blubbering so hard, I would’ve said he looked close to crying too.
“Do you know how it feels to be on the outside looking in? Yeah, I’m on the guy’s soccer team, Yay me! But what’s it all for if I’m not happy with myself? All the jabs were okay at one point but not anymore. I’m done” I put my hands up and pushed him away.
“Ash…Why didn’t you ever~”
“Ever say anything? Everyone thinks im this tough strong girl but has anyone ever thought that maybe there’s a shy weak girl on the inside?” I wiped my tears, “Just leave me alone…Please”
“I’m sorry” Derek started saying something more but I didn’t stick around to hear.
………………………………………………..
Can’t wait for the party tonight. It’s gonna be pretty awesome
-Brad
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IM SO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES! I'VE BEEN SO BUSY BUT HOPEFULLY I'M BACK. I'M GOING TO TRY TO CONTINUOUSLY UPDATE SINCE ITS SUMMER. HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER, SORRY IT WASN'T ALL FUN AND GAMES THIS TIME. HAD TO CAPITALIZE ON THE STRUGGLE MANY GIRLS EXPERIENCE THESE DAYS TRYING TO BE PRETTY AND 'FIT IN'
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Heartbreak Season
Humor"Thanks for the best day ever" I grinned looking up at him as the sky overhead darkened. "It was your six year old imagination that did this" He smiled bumping my shoulder. "I was amazing" I drawled. "You still are" he murmured quietly looking do...
