Thorns On My Rose: A Story of the Daughter of Robert Downey Jr. (EDITING)

One Shot - Unwanted Memories and Unwanted Baths

Alana-Rose's Perspective

"Mom?" I ask. She doesn't turn around.

We're on some sort of beach. You know, those beaches with the white, sandy shores and clear blue water that lets you see straight through to what's below. The sun shines brightly as it makes it descent into the ocean, oranges and reds and pinks mixed with vivid purples streak the once all blue sky. There's a breeze that ruffles the long flowy white dress I wear. My hair is past my shoulders now. It's what makes me know it's a dream.

My mother's back is facing me and she's turned towards the water so I can't see her face. Her usually blond hair is cut extremely short, reminding me of her chemotherapy days. It's grown from a buzz cut to a pixie cut and it makes smile. She's still beautiful, able to pull off just about anything and everything. Her strapless blue dress ends right before it hits her toes. She's at the edge of the tide and her toes catching tips of the water. She sighs and I can almost picture the peaceful look on her face.

I walk towards her, my bare feet squishing down into the sand. I pick up my dress, not wanting to trip over it. I hold onto the dress like it's the edges of this dream: flimsy and delicate, easily disturbed and broken.

I want to touch my mom so bad it hurts me. She stand nearly five feet away and every step I take seems too small. We are the only ones on the beach.

"Mom." I whisper when I reach her. She doesn't face me, but continues to stare out over the ocean. She looks ethereal, practically glowing.

"I lied." She says softly. I frown, confused. My heart skips a little when I hear her voice, it's low alto making my eyes well.

"I don't understand."

She sighs, thinking. "I lied, baby. I was never afraid of the ocean because of what I knew was in there. I was more afraid of what wasn't in there."

I'm silent, quietly listening to the explanation

"Theres just... There's so much stuff out there. Whole species subspecies we don't even know about. Things that I've never even experienced.... Questions that won't be answered." Her brow furrows. "That's what I was afraid of, Lana."

I shake my head. "Mom, everyone is scared of what they don't know." I say, evenly. She smiles.

"I wasn't. I wasn't scared of dying." She confesses. I look up at her, swallowing hard.

"Mom."

She finally turns to me and I feel the tears spring to my eyes. She kneels in front of me and grabs my hands, kissing them softly.

"You look beautiful." She compliments, laughing. "Stunning."

A rough sob rips through me so fast I don't know what's happening. "I'm so sorry I forgot about you, Mom." I shake my head, squeezing her hands. "I didnt mean to, Mommy, I promise I won't--"

"Shh." She whispers, wiping my eyes hastily.Her blue eyes look determined, but there's always that smile there, constantly trying to reassure me.

"I know you didn't, sweet girl." She tucks my hair behind my ear. "It's not your fault."

"I won't forget you, Mommy." I say to her, wishing she was really here. Wishing she was really holding me, telling me everything was okay.

"Don't cry, honey. You listen to me. You know that I love you, right?" She asks, easing an eyebrow. "Hmm?"

I laugh, nodding. "Yeah."

"Then why are you crying?" She asks, wiping at my tears again. I can barely see her, the way my eyes are watering.