Thorns On My Rose: A Story of the Daughter of Robert Downey Jr. (EDITING)

Chapter 29 - An Answer And A Decision

A Day Earlier

Alana's Perspective

I couldn't sleep. At all. And it was so annoying. Strike that, reverse it. Beyond annoying. Beyond a nuisance, beyond ridiculous, beyond, well, any negative freaking connotation that had to do with me getting no sleep!

I'm not a very light sleeper, and I have gotten used to both Tom's bed and Tom himself sleeping next to me, so it's really strange that I'm even awake at this hour. I watched Tom sleep silently, playing with his hair every now and then and tracing those sharp cheekbones with my index finger, still surprised when I didn't cut myself on those deadly edges. He stirred every once and awhile and would then wrap his arm around me, pulling me even closer to him.

But he would stay asleep. He wouldn't wake. And, yes. I was jealous.

I knew why couldn't sleep. It was because I couldn't stop thinking about Robert.

I'd dreamt about him, again, and I couldn't shake off the vertigo I'd had when I startled myself awake, swearing in the dark. It was somewhere around two o' clock in the morning now, and I knew that I needed to get some sleep. Tom wanted to take me out on the town tomorrow, as he would be leaving for Boston after my birthday, which was in a few weeks, to go shoot a few scenes for a minor role in a BBC film.

At first, I'd been a bit surprised when he told me, since it was incredibly stupid to cast Tom in a minor role, first off, because he'd obviously steal the show with his perfection, but also because I'd forgotten, essentially, that Tom was only on a break. He'd been here in the States to film Avengers and finish up bits of Thor: The Dark World that weren't in London, but this was only temporary. Temporary and rare.

In a few months Tom would be going off to begin promotion for Only Lovers Alive, a vampire movie he was starring in opposite Tilda Swenton, and begin promoting Thor: The Dark World also. And on top of that, he was supposed to be in that play, Coriolanus. He'd be busy. All the damn time, and when he wasn't on an interview, or making appearances, or auditioning for parts, he'd be in London. Far, far away from Los Angeles. And that means, he would be far away from me. And, unfortunately, I wouldn't have school to distract me because I had graduated early. I didn't really have many plans for college, so I'd probably end up stuck here.

Tom was a famous movie star. A big time, internationally renowned one, at that. And, here, in this penthouse, with the days pasting lazily by, it was easy to forget who Tom really was. We would both forget, I think, that he had duties and responsibilities. We'd forget that we were playing House.

But Tom was getting to be enormously successful, and while I was happy for him, positively elated, I was sad for us. For whatever this thing was we had.

Our relationship was... well, unorthodox. Fucking abnormal, honestly. He could go to jail for even being with me, and thankfully that pregnancy test I took was negative because I'm sure that whole thing would have been a disaster. I sighed wistfully, gazing at Tom who was snoring softly, oblivious to the multiple issues at hand.

Tom's imminent departure made me miss Robert even more. Who was I going to stay with when Tom left for London? Who was going to entertain me when I was listless and bored? Who was going to punish me once I'd flooded the tub again because I was listless ans bored? Who would comfort me and tell me everything was alright when I'd had a flashback, or when a nightmare woke me up at night? Who's gonna be there for me, period?

And the only real answer, besides Tom Hiddleston, was Robert Downey Jr.

I swallowed, inexplicably torn between the two men I loved so much, but in very different ways.