(Fandom) One Shots/Imagines (German and English)

So this is how to say goodbye (Johnlock) [English]

It is a rainy evening. John's and Mary's child turns one today. Sherlock stands in front of their house, looking up to the window. He sees John's silhouette holding his baby. He silently hears a "Happy Birthday" in Mary's voice.
A waterdrop runs down Sherlock's cheek. It isn't sure if it's a tear or just the rain. He shoves his hand into the pocket of his coat. Silently he goes to the door. His hand is about pull the doorbell, but then he just lays a letter down on the ground. He turns over and goes away fast, he almost runs. He does not give a look back.

Three hours later

Mary opens the door. She is going to drive to the supermarket to buy bread for dinner. As she walks out, something crackles under her foot. Surprised, she looks down and finds a letter. It's for "John Watson".
She walks back to her flat. "This was on the floor in front of our door..." she says to John and hands him the letter.
He takes is surprised. "That's Sherlock's writing!" he says. Mary raises her eyebrows. "Why didn't he ring?"
John raises his shoulders. And he opens the letter.
As his eyes read line for line, the blood runs out of his face more and more. Curious, Mary leans over to him and looks at the sheet.

Dear John,
I hope Willie had a perfect birthday today. She is such a beautiful kid. I wish her all the best, and give her a kiss from me. Tell her that she has the best father in the world. I trust you. I really count on you to be the best father for my goddaughter. I will watch her from up there.
Or from down there, as nobody will ever now, right?
We will never meet again. So I can tell you all I never said in this letter.
You are the best man in this world. In fact, you have always been the best man in this world. I never was. I was so bad, and I just became better because of you. You taught me how to love, you showed me how to be a human again. I was always convinced that, if it existed, I would go to hell because I didn't know how to love and that's what god wants, don't he? But you showed me. So I still have a bit hope that there's a chance for me to go to heaven. And from there, I will always watch you.
John, you can't tell me that you never realised that I felt more for you than just friendship. I'm a detective, not an actor. There were so many moments in which I wanted so hard to kiss you, that I almost leaned over to you but I didn't take the courage to finally do it.
I know you love Mary, and I know Mary loves you. And I'm so happy for you two, but at the same time I am endlessly sad. And I see no way out.
You kind of ruined my life. I can't solve cases anymore because I just think of you and your pretty smile. I can't think anymore. I can't go to my mind palace, because everything I see is you and I can't delete that image.
I'm just going to end it. I can't do this anymore. I am at my personal boundary. I didn't even took the courage to say this to you, I could just write it.
Don't try to stop my. While you read this, I will either lay on the ground in front of St. Bartholomews or in your chair in 221B, with a stomach full of drugs. No matter what you do, it will be too late. I want it this way. I decided to do this.
Don't forget that I will always love you. Like I always did. You just never realised.
Oh, and don't blame you for my decision. It's not your fault. It's the damn love. It's always the damn love.
S.H.

John exhales the first time. He hold his breath while reading. Mary looks at him, as tears fill his eyes. It's the first time she sees him crying.
"We must call an ambulance!" Mary shouts and grabs her phone. But John just slowly shakes his head. "No." he whispers with a crackled voice "It is too late. As he said."
He closes his eyes and the tears run down his face. "If he just knew. I realised it. I realised it from the first time. I just wanted him to do the first step."

---------

Hey guys!
Just a bit Johnlock for you.
I am sorry for my English, I never wrote stories in English so this is like, the second one in my life xD I'm actually really good at speaking English, but when I write texts, I get more confused line for line and at some point I just start overthinking and write all wrong. But as we say in German, "No master ever fell from heaven" xD. Feel free to correct me if you find mistakes! But I also see writing One Shots in English as an possibility to improve my skills and practise writing, and I still have English classes and I'm learning!
(Actually, at this point I have no English readers but I don't give up! Maybe one day someone will read my crap xD)

xx Jojo ❤