Who I am

To Love is to Destroy

Light forces my eyes open. This time, nobody comes and wakes me up, or is there when I wake up. As if on cue, the door opens. Expecting Jace, I am surprised. Isabelle walks in. "How are you feeling?" She asks. I tip my head back and forth.

"Better." She looks worried, happy and something else. I can read the other's faces fairly well, but not as well as Jace.

"We won't go to the Silent City until you're completely healed." She states. I bow my head. The last thing I want to do today is move, or eat. Church, the cat, walks in, hops up onto the bed, and curls up. I stroke the blue grey fur. "You hungry?" I shake my head. I get up and shuffle over to my kindle and sit back down.

I shake my head. "Let me know if you need anything." She adds. I guess they were more worried than I thought they were.

"Alright. Thanks Iz." I smile. It felt nice to see people who really cared.

"Where's Jace? I thought you'd have seen him by now." Isabelle scans the room.

"He's not in here. I don't know where he is, and I really don't want to move."

"Don't worry. I'll find him." She reassures. I desperately wanted to find him myself, but the thought of me moving was one I didn't want. The door closes and I am left alone, except for Church, who is purring contentedly.

*Jace POV*

Thud. The knife collides with the target. Someone rolls on the ground, and sends another knife to a different target. They continue the same routine, until all the knives are gone. Ari, bleeding, dying. Risking her life for us. She almost died. Her body lying motionless, with so many deep wounds. Seeing her in pain, with demon poison running through her. It's all my fault. And I couldn't do anything about it. Jace finishes.

"It wasn't your fault. And you couldn't have done anything. That demon kept us busy. Then he put the poison in her." Isabelle replies. He realizes he was thinking out loud the last couple phrases.

"If I had just tried harder, I could have saved her." He says.

"Stop. You're beating yourself up. You could have tried your hardest, but he just would have kept you busy. The important thing is she's ok." Isabelle says.

"Is she? I know her and she likes to push herself, and doesn't like being useless. She could have a relapse. Then what?" He challenged. She shrugs her shoulders. "She could be dying again, or worse." He whispers. She goes up to him, and touches his shoulder.

"If there's anyone that can talk her out of something, it's you. Tell her she shouldn't go to school."

"You know she'll just fight back." He says, with a small chuckle.

"Then go with her and watch her. You did it for years. She won't mind." She counters. He shoots her a look.

"She seems angry that I'm so worried. She doesn't realize how much it hurts to have seen her almost dead. Or how crumbled she was from the dreams."

He recalls the pained look and Ari's expression, and the destroyed look behind her eyes. "Didn't you tell her?" Isabelle pulls him from his thoughts. He nods.

"Sure I did. But I don't think she realizes how much I mean it. I tell her everything. Much like how you and Alec are. She doesn't understand that if she dies because she works too hard, I would be in ruins." He says. Isabelle knows the fact that he likes Ari.

"I'd say tell her, but I know you. And you won't."

"You're right. I won't. But I can't just watch her push herself to the brink." Jace says. Izzy rolls her eyes.