Who I am

Expression

I go up and shower, again watching for my wounds. I think about drawing an izrate, but decide not to. I realize that I take advantage of runes, so I just want them to heal the mundane way. After my shower, I dry off, and put up my hair in a braid. I love Jace. The thought hit me square in the face. I love Jace, and he loves me. God, what does that mean? I've never loved anyone, or have anyone love me.

I don't understand. What's going to happen? He's my best friend. I can't lose him as a best friend. Does loving each other change that? Question race around my head, so I did the only sensible thing. I grab my guitar. "Give me more loving than I ever had, make it all better when I'm feeling sad, tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not... There's only one thing to do three words for you I love you..." I play 1, 2, 3, 4 by the Plain White T's. I play it with all the feeling I can muster.

"Who's that for?" A voice asks. I look up and see Alec leaning in my door frame.

"I- I erm... you weren't supposed to hear that." I mutter.

"It was hard not to. I was walking along I heard you sing. Now who's that for?" He asks again.

"Nobody." I mutter, hoping he buys it. He pushes from the door and perches on my desk.

"Liar. There's no way you can play with such conviction and have it not be about someone."

"That doesn't mean I'll tell you who it's about."

"So it is about someone. Who?" He asks, a triumphant look in his eyes.

"I'm not going to tell you." I say.

"I'll make you." He says.

"Right." I roll my eyes.

"Then just tell me. I promise I won't tell." I decide to tell him. I'm either going to be fine, or I'll seriously regret it.

"Don't laugh, or get mad at me. Jace." I mutter, so quiet, he doesn't hear.

"Who?" Alec comes closer.

"Jace." I say in the small voice.

"I still can't hear you." He puts a hand to his ear.

"Jace." I say. He starts back.

"What? Jace? You have to be kidding." He laughs.

"I told you not to laugh. But yes." I mumble, standing up.

"Does he know? You love him?" He asks, all seriousness. I nod, lost for words.

"All right." I walk over and stand in front of him. My body reacts and my mind just watches. I punch Alec in the stomach. As quickly as the feeling of I'm not in control comes, it goes.

"Alec! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! I don't even know why." I help him to his feet.

"It's fine. Why did you do that?" He asks.

"I truly don't know. I would never do that, and you know it." I state. He nods.

"You're right. So why did you do it?" He asks.

"Am I supposed to know the answer? Maybe I just spazzed. That has to be the answer." I ramble.

"All right. Let's go." We walk down to the kitchen. Isabelle is already there.

"I heard the music. Who's it about?" She asks. I open my mouth to say nobody, but Alec says it faster.

"Jace." Alec says quickly, flashing me a smile.

"No way!! You love Jace? Does he know?" She demands. I nod, again lost for words. "Come on, we have to tell him!" Isabelle jumps from her chair.

"No! Come on!" I smack the two of them upside the head, with full intention.