30 days with Genevieve

Ch. 20

30 Days with Genevieve

Chapter 20

Day 20:

Have you ever felt like the worst person on earth?

Have you ever felt so guilty that you just hate yourself?

Have you ever had the feeling that you did something that will not only disappoint yourself, but also the person who you care about the most?

Well, that was exactly how I was feeling. I woke up next to Heather, and she was half naked. I was only on my boxers, and I instantly remembered what happened the night before... we had sexual relationships!

I felt like the worst person on earth. I got so mad at Genevieve that I didn't even think about the consequences of my actions. I just thought about making her jealous, and hurting her as much as she hurt me when she told me she didn't love me.

My head was killing me. All the alcohol that I drank at that party caused me not only mental, but also physical pain.

I saw how Heather opened her eyes and smiled as she saw me. "Good morning, Sean," she muttered.

I faked a smile so she wouldn't see I regretted being with her. Even if she caused me a lot of troubles, I didn't want to hurt her feelings. "Good morning," I said.

"How did you sleep?"

I sighed. "Okay, I guess."

"That's good to hear," she said while placing a kiss on my cheek.

"Heather," I said. "I don't think we should tell anyone about this... I mean, it was... a mistake..."

Her facial expression changed to sadness, and I instantly felt bad about her. "Why? I thought you enjoyed it as much as I did, Sean. I... I think I love you!"

"You don't love me, Heather," I told her. "What you feel is not love."

"It is!" she exclaimed.

"No, Heather. Let's face it. This isn't love. This is just a whim. A temporal and pointless whim," I said. 

"A whim?" she asked as she raised one of her eyebrows. "I made love to you, Sean! How can you tell me I don't love you!?!"

"Made love to me?" I asked. 

She lowered her face and I saw a little tear falling down her cheek. "Maybe it was just sex to you. But to me it was much more than that."

"I--I'm sorry..." I muttered.

"Why can't you just love me as much as I do, Sean? Why?!?" she asked frustrated.

"Because... I think I love someone else," I said.

"Who? That stupid nerd?!? Come on, Sean. She is not your type! She doesn't even love you back!" she exclaimed.

My heart broke into a million pieces as I heard how she said it. I knew she was right. I knew Genevieve didn't love me. But my feelings towards her were just too strong to allow me to give up on her.

I just wanted to know why she couldn't feel the same way I did. I gave her all I could. I took her to all the places I could think of. I even went with her to visit her grumpy grandfather. But why was it that she didn't even think of me as more than friend? 

"Don't call her stupid, ever again," I said while standing up and taking my jeans.

"Why?!? She is extremely stupid! How can she not see what she is missing? I mean, you are perfect, Sean. Why can't she see that?"