WARNING: THE AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK IS MENTALLY INSANE

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I'm not feeling very good right now. I just went to go publish my first YouTube video, and I just...I looked at it and realized that it sucked.

My intro didn't exactly suck but this video that I recorded today, that I spent most of the day recording...I listened to it and realized that it was absolutely horrible.

I've been having so many self confidence issues with the idea of a youTube channel that it's been giving me anxiety. I seep trying to tell myself that it's okay, nothing has to be perfect.

And then I realize that everything has to be perfect. 

That's the way I live. My chapters have to be perfect. My voice, my room, my videos. I was trying to add annotations to my video and then I realized I couldn't and I accidentally started watching the beginning of the video. 

I'm so close to just deleting the whole thing. I'm convincing myself not to delete the first one but I'm going to delay the second video until I can figure out how to make it not suck. It also doesn't help that my camcorder has the shittiest picture ever and I keep trying to measure myself up to Dan And Phil in terms of their video quality.

I know this sounds stupid but it's really chipping away at my self-esteem because I can't imagine doing anything with myself but performing. But if I can't make a YouTube channel, I can't put my music out there, and I can't do what I love and what I've told myself for years is the only path I can imagine. It's really taking a toll on me.

Thanks for listening to me vent. Goodnight guys.