WARNING: THE AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK IS MENTALLY INSANE

The following is a little nsfw.

No it sounds weird but sometimes I just...I just imagine what it would be like to feel someone running their fingertips down my body.

There's so many things I wonder, like when a boy kisses my neck for the first time will I try to recoil? I have a thing with people touching my neck.

I want to know what it feels like to just hold someone's hand for no reason or hold onto their arm or lay your head on their shoulder or run my fingers through soft hair until they're all tingly

I want to kiss someone hard and long and beautifully until I feel fire coursing through my veins.

I want to know what Ben's hair looks like in the morning, before he styles it up. I want to be the reason his face flushed so red. Damn sometimes I want to just pull him aside and kiss those dangerously red lips of his until I can't feel myself anymore.

I want to know what it's like to wake up with Dan next to me, warm arms around me, breathing shallow and soft, hair curly and face relaxed. I want to whisper in his ear and hear his low chuckle and gaze at him when he bites his lip and doesn't notice it.

I want to know what it would be like for JD to sing for me, or God even just look at me with those intense eyes. I want him to touch me again, no matter how briefly.

I want to know what the people I admire so much see when they look at me.

I want to know what it's like to be so close to someone you share the same personal space. I want to kiss someone so hard they giggle and smile under my lips. I want to kiss someone's dimples as they laugh. I want to try to drink wine from someone's clavicle because that sounds fun and silly. I want to be the reason someone comes undone, I want to be the reason someone writes a poem or the reason someone writes a song.

I want to share myself completely with someone more than anything else.

What scares me the most is the thought that that person may never come along, and I'll waste my youth chasing after love and never finding it.